


There Goes My Life

by turningthepages



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Fluff, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Legal Guardian Dean, Light Angst, Living Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Big Happy Family, Roommates, Slow Burn, Supportive Castiel, Unplanned Pregnancy, unknown pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2018-12-24 11:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12011787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turningthepages/pseuds/turningthepages
Summary: “It’s mine. The baby’s mine.”He never wanted to admit it, nor would he ever really forgive himself for thinking it, but at that moment, hearing those words, Dean felt like he could see all his plans for a happy future burning to ash right in front of him.





	1. Chapter 1

He was ready. Everything was going to work out. 

It had taken him months of weighing his options but he’d finally decided he was going to accept the job in Seattle and finally ditch this washed up town and see the other side of the country. Admittedly he’d never so much as visited Seattle in his life, hell, he hadn’t even left his home state before, but any opportunity to get out of the stagnant cesspool of washed up college dropouts, who continued to live in their parents basements until they’re thirty, was an opportunity Dean knew he needed to take. 

The decision in the end came easily, really. He’d dreamed of moving out to the west coast and finally going to college, since circumstances had left him unable to prior. There were a numerous amount of job openings and colleges up and down the west coast that he’d applied for (as well as a few closer to home to be safe). Frankly he didn’t give a damn where he ended up but the college in Seattle and the job he’d applied for there both said yes, and Dean felt he needed to jump. 

Of course he didn’t jump, instead, like the responsible twenty-year-old he had to be, he told the manager that he’d have an answer for them in three days time as he discussed it with his family. 

His family. His actual entire freaking world made up of two people. First, he had his younger brother Sam who’d he’d have to take with him. It wasn’t an issue since Dean was his legal guardian and could move the sixteen-year-old wherever he damn so pleased, but Sam had been in this town for a handful of years now. Dean knew Sam had too much potential to be wasting away in some barely passible C-rated high school, but the kid did have a handful of friends that Dean wasn’t sure he’d be okay giving up. He figured, or more so he hoped, that when Dean explained his desires for Sam to have more opportunities at a better school, in a better area, that Sam would agree with him. Still, he’d have to at least discuss it with the kid. 

The other member of his family, well, they were the half of the family that Dean picked—his best friend. See, there wasn’t any job offer or college acceptance that could convince Dean to leave this place without Castiel. Not only had they been best friends since Dean moved into town five years ago, but he was the person who singlehandedly kept Dean from completely losing his mind over the past few years. 

When John—and Dean hesitates to even call him their father—skipped out on both him and Sam the minute Dean turned eighteen, Cas hadn’t so much as blinked before packing up his stuff and moving in to help Dean out. Dean had deferred college for the time being but downright refused to allow Cas to give it up too, so while Dean worked fulltime to pay the majority of the bills, Cas worked part time while still going to school to pay for their food and any and all of Sam’s needs. It might not have been the greatest living situation, but it worked for them, and because of it they were a family. Dean wouldn’t so much as consider the idea of not having both Sam and Cas under his roof. 

The thing was, he was fairly confident if he asked Cas to move across the country with him, Cas wouldn’t hesitate. He knew Cas had the grades to transfer colleges, or just switch to online classes if he wanted to. But beyond that, Dean just knew that Cas would do absolutely anything for him, it’d always been something that shocked him about his best friend. The man had unrelenting devotion to both Dean and Sam. He never so much as batted an eye when either of them asked Cas for help. He was undeniably selfless, and indescribably perfect, and he was the love of Dean’s life. 

And that, that was the big kicker of this all. Dean didn’t just want to move across the country and start a new job while going to college. No, Dean wanted a brand spanking new start. Lately he could feel something brewing beneath the surface between them and he was quite certain that Cas felt something for him in return. 

It hadn’t really been there before. They’d been close of course, but nothing outside of ordinary best friends. Even when Cas first moved in, it’d been because they were such good friends and nothing more. But the years of being side by side, waking up in their shared room (separate beds) of their two bedroom apartment, cooking breakfast together on weekends, staying up to eat dinner with each other late at night after shifts… that time had just made them grow together. It wasn’t uncommon anymore to find himself and Cas falling to sleep together on the couch. Nor was it uncommon (or unwelcome) to find Cas slipping into Dean’s bed in the middle of the night because it was ‘cold’. There were more soft touches, more lazy morning hugs, more of a need to be close to each other than there had ever been before. It just hadn’t crossed that finish line yet where they officially and consciously moved from friends to lovers. 

Tonight Dean was going to change that. He was going to tell Cas about Seattle and about the job, and finally fucking grow a pair and tell him that he wanted everything and more with his best friend. He was certain everything was going to work out, that all his plans were going to fall into place. 

Dinner was made, all of Cas’s favorites: burgers for the entre and apple pie with honeycomb ice cream for desert. The table was set, candles, flowers, and everything. The whole damn shebang. All their favorite songs were on a playlist, ready for the night. And Dean was practically shaking in his seat with anticipation. All he wanted was to finally get to call Cas his. He already felt like they were something, but knew that they were both just waiting for someone to give in and put a name to it. 

After waiting more than thirty minutes past the time Dean expected Cas home, he was about to gear up to call him. It was unusual for Cas to be home later than the time he’d told Dean he’d be home, and that morning Cas had left a sticky note on the fridge saying he would be back by six thirty that evening. It was nearly seven-fifteen. 

He was scrolling his contacts for Cas’s name, just to make sure that everything was alright, when he heard the front door open. 

His heart was in his throat as he thought, _this is it._ This was what they’d been inching towards for months now. This was the moment that was going to change everything for them.

Dean was frozen to his spot with partial nerves as he waited for Castiel to fully enter the apartment. He couldn’t wait to see the look of surprise of Cas’s face when he got a glimpse of the setup in the kitchen. 

A shaky, “Dean?” emitted from the foyer and something about the voice sent dread straight through Dean’s body. He stood up without thinking and practically ran to the door to see if Cas was okay, fearing the absolute worst for a moment. 

In the entryway, Dean stopped dead in his tracks. He didn’t know how to process anything he saw the moment he was greeted with the sight of best friend... nor did he know how to process what he should feel. No. No, he was completely unable to connect his feelings to his body at the moment as he stared at the sight in front of him, wondering if he was in some sort of dream because it didn’t make sense what he saw. It didn’t make sense at all. 

“Is that—“ he could barely form words. His eyes could not look away from the spot they were planted near the ground. 

“A baby? Yes.” Cas’s terrified voice broke Dean from his trance, and he snapped up to see his best friend’s panicked face. 

Dean sputtered, trying to find the right words, because _what?_ “Why do you have a baby?” 

It was with that question that Dean noticed a sickly green hue to his best friend’s completion, seeing nothing but sheer vulnerability and fear. Cas was most definitely on the verge of tears as he tried to find his voice, confirming what Dean deep down had already pieced together the moment he stepped into the hallway. What he knew he selfishly feared was going to be the answer. 

“It’s mine. The baby’s mine.” 

He never wanted to admit it, nor would he ever really forgive himself for thinking it, but at that moment, hearing those words, Dean felt like he could see all his plans for a happy future burning to ash right in front of him.


	2. Chapter 2

It was almost like being hit by a two-by-four hearing those words. 

_It’s mine. The baby’s mine._

He wanted to fall over with the force of it. Felt ill-timed laughter rising up in his throat. Had ten thousand questions banging at the forefront of his mind. Yet all he managed to say was:

“What?” 

Cas opened and closed his mouth before hoarsely whispering, “Amelia…” 

And Dean just couldn’t… 

_Amelia._

It’d been a year since Dean had heard that name and felt its syllables stir up something ugly inside of him. Looking back, he’d probably had feelings for his best friend longer than he thought he did, but that name, _Amelia,_ had been the reason he didn’t pay them any mind. 

Small towns, at least in Dean’s mind, are kind of notorious for high school relationships being as there is literally nothing better to do than have someone to date. But it wasn’t just a high school relationship for Amelia and his best friend… no they’d taken it further and had been together since sixth grade. Cas had admitted to Dean once that it had been more out of convenience than any type of real chemistry between the two, and they never really saw the point of breaking up since, well why bother? There weren’t many other viable, or desirable, options anyway since everyone else was dating everyone else. 

By the time Dean had moved to town and met Cas, he and Amelia had been together for literal years at that point and Dean didn’t really think much of it. She wasn’t around a lot, being that her and Cas didn’t actually feel much for each other. He did buy her obligatory Christmas, birthday, and valentine’s gifts. They even had the first Friday of the month as their designated date night. Aside from that, the couple hardly spent time together, so Dean never really minded her much. He had his best friend to hang out with and that’s what mattered to him. 

It wasn’t until the middle of senior year—right around the time Cas moved in with Dean—that Amelia started to want _more_ out of the relationship. And Castiel, being the type of guy that he was, figured he might as well try. That’s when things got bothersome for Dean. Cas was out with her more often than he was with Dean. There’d been a handful of times were Dean was kicked out of the room while Cas and Amelia made use of it. And no matter how nice he tried to be to her, Amelia just could not stand being around Dean. 

It was a problem. Until it wasn’t. 

One day she just up and left. Didn’t tell Cas she was leaving or why she was leaving. No postcards ever came, no phone calls were ever received. She was just gone. Castiel, unsurprisingly, didn’t even bat an eye when she left. 

Now… despite the fact that her physical presence was not currently in the room, Amelia managed to come back with a bang, because apparently her running off hadn’t been because she was flighty and wanted out of her relationship with Cas. 

Nope. That little bundle sitting in a car seat on the floor proved a much more thoughtful reason why the girl had taken off without a word. 

_Amelia._

Whoa, how it hurt, hearing that name again. 

“I need a minute…” Dean sputtered after an uncomfortably long silence between him and his best friend. 

“Dean…” He saw Castiel’s face fall, and hated himself for doing that but Dean needed to process what the fuck was going on. 

“A minute. Give me a minute.” He insisted, backing away into the kitchen, his feet fumbling over one another until he found himself face to face with his idiotic decision-making. An entire fucking romantic spread lain out. Right there. Mocking him. 

How did he ever think that things would just go smoothly for him? He never had shit go well for him. Why would it just up and start now? It was the universe’s fucking kink to let Dean think that everything was going well in his life and then throw a kid at him.

Hey Dean, you’re loving your simple life with your mommy and daddy? Bam! Here’s a house fire and a six-month old baby brother you get to look after now. Hey Dean, you’ve saved up enough money to go to college and make something of yourself? Wam! Here’s custody arrangements for an overgrown fourteen-year-old you are now responsible for. Hey Dean, you finally want to get out of this shithole and build a life with your best friend? Boom! Here’s his kid that he had with his ex who hated you. 

Yup he needed a fucking minute. 

A minute to douse the candles, shove the food into Tupperware, trash the flowers, and pretend like he wasn’t about to practically lay his soul bare for another person. 

Because he knew Cas… he knew Cas too fucking well and it was killing him. He knew that irritatingly perfect man had a heart of gold. Always put everyone before himself without a second thought. And god-fucking-damnit was he too wonderful of a human to let an innocent baby go through life without both of its parents. 

His heart was aching, just knowing… just _knowing_ that Castiel probably already fucking asked Amelia when they were getting married. 

Knew that he’d probably even be asked to be the goddamned best man whenever that shit show came to pass. 

And he just really needed a minute. 

Because he couldn’t…. it hurt too fucking much to even think about. 

He swiped at the tears that had escaped him without his permission as he checked to make sure that there wasn’t a sign of his romantic gesture anywhere in sight before heading towards the living room. When he didn’t see Castiel in there he walked in the direction of their room hoping to find him but to his surprise, Castiel was stuck in the same position by the front door he’d been in when Dean had walked away nearly twenty minutes ago. The only change in his demeanor was that he was staring down at the small, sleeping baby in its car seat. 

“Cas?”

Castiel didn’t so much as indicate that he’d heard Dean. 

At a loss of what to do, Dean approached his best friend like a spooked mare, wondering what the hell had gotten him so frazzled and wondering where the hell Amelia was. He was dreading her return, just the thought of seeing her face but also knowing that it meant either her moving in… or Castiel moving out. 

And well, that wasn’t a thought Dean could deal with at the moment. 

“Let’s… lets go sit down.” Dean spoke to the ramrod version of his best friend, shaking him gently on the shoulder to get his attention. 

Finally, Castiel looked up and nodded, indicating that he heard. Dean watched as Cas walked, almost methodically, in the direction of their small living room. Not thinking it wise to leave the baby, although asleep, sitting by the front door, Dean picked up the carrier and followed after Cas. 

He set it down on the floor, facing the couch so that he and Cas could talk but still see it (the baby was wrapped in yellow and Dean had no idea if that meant it was a boy or girl). 

Where the fuck was he supposed to begin? There was an eight-pound elephant in the room that needed to be addressed, but Cas’s shocked-into-silence act was going to prove difficult in conducting a conversation. None of this made any sense. 

Yeah, Dean could guess based on Cas’s shell-shocked look that the guy hadn’t had an inkling that this was the reason Amelia had left but that didn’t explain why the baby was there in their apartment. 

As gently as he could, Dean tried to prompt _something_ out of the other man. “You gotta talk to me Cas. Like… how did this happen?” 

Cas shook his head unhelpfully before once more saying, “Amelia.” 

“Okay yeah, I gathered that but where is she? When’s she getting here?” 

Something in Dean’s words must have gripped Cas out of his stupor because just then his head whipped up to look at Dean. His look of confusion gave Dean pause. 

“What?” 

“Amelia?” Dean clarified, feeling like he was talking to a small child instead of his adult sized best friend. “When’s she getting here? Is the kid staying with us for a little while? Or is Amelia going to stay here too? Are we turning into Full House over here? I don’t know what’s going on, man.” 

“She’s not.” 

Dean shook his head, trying to non-verbally assert that Castiel’s response didn’t specify which question he just answered. When Cas remained silent once more Dean started to get a little more irritated. 

“What do you mean ‘she’s not’?” 

Cas squinted at Dean, “She’s gone, Dean. Amelia’s gone.” 

For a millisecond Dean let the previously grief stricken part of him jump for joy at those words before reality came crashing down and he started to piece together what Cas was saying. 

“Gone where?” He asked slowly, fearing his next question. “Why is she gone if her baby’s here?” 

“She said she doesn’t want to be a mother.” 

Dean scoffed. “A little too late for that.” 

And perhaps that was the right thing to say because suddenly Cas seemed to find himself again. The other man sighed deeply before he began to explain the situation to Dean with his head in his hands. 

“She didn’t want a baby. She wanted to place it for adoption but got scared. She didn’t want to be a mother so she called me. I—I didn’t know why she wanted to meet me when she called.” 

“So she just handed you the baby?” 

“She… she said that she couldn’t go through with the adoption. That she needed me to do it.” 

Dean looked over to the sleeping infant on the ground and felt anger rise up inside of him. How the hell did Amelia think it was fine to just dump something like that on Cas? 

“Cas… what—how the?” He sputtered in his frustration. “Can she even do that? Can she just hand you a baby and tell you to deal with it?”

“It doesn’t matter if she can because she already did.” 

If Dean knew his best friend, and he was pretty damn certain that he did, he knew Castiel was already beating himself up for putting Amelia in this situation in the first place. He also knew that his best friend probably hated the thought of having to place his own child in a system that he’d expressed before breaks his heart for the children who don’t get placed in a loving home. But Dean was still angry, still angry that this news popped up on today of all days. Angry that Amelia put such a burden on someone as kind as his Cas. 

“Fuck that. Call her! She can’t put this on you.” He gritted out. 

“You don’t think I already tried?” Cas asked exasperatedly. “She changed her number Dean.” 

“Then call the cops on her! Isn’t this like child abandonment or some shit?” 

“And what? What will that accomplish? If she doesn’t want the baby now she wont want it then!” Castiel argued, anger not directed at Dean but at the situation. Dean felt himself deflate. 

“Fuck…. What are you going to do?” 

And that was the multimillion-dollar question at the moment. What the hell was Cas going to do? What the hell were they both going to do? Dean stood by his family, so come hell or high water he was going to support Cas in whatever came next, but damnit was this a scary moment. 

Here they were, in their Goodwill furnished living room, inside their sketchy apartment with the loud neighbors, questionable bathroom stains, and the shittiest water pressure the world has ever seen, with a tiny infant sleeping inside a second-hand car seat as they figured out what to do next. What the fuck were they going to do?

Cas’s whole demeanor shifted as he looked up at Dean with a terrified expression. Dean was certain his expression matched Cas’s at the moment. 

“I—I don’t know.” Cas choked out, tears filling his eyes. “Dean… I don’t know what to do. What am I going to do?” 

And at that moment, that’s when Dean realized what his best friend wanted to do, even if Cas hadn’t figured it out himself. He scooted over on the couch and threw an arm around Castiel’s shoulders, ready to catch him as he made the realization himself. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. We’ll do whatever you want to do.” 

Cas tried to pull away but Dean’s grip tightened. “Dean, it’s a baby.” Cas protested. 

“I know.” 

A shuddering breath was ripped from Castiel’s chest. “I don’t know how to take care of a baby.” 

“That—that’s okay.” Dean said with a shaky voice. “We can figure it out if that’s what you want to do.” 

“We don’t have any baby stuff.” 

“We’ll buy it.” 

“We don’t have any money.” 

“I have savings.” 

“No.” Cas practically yelled, and sat up straight, moving away from Dean before Dean had a chance to catch him. “No. That’s yours. I’ll just have to get a second job.” 

“Not happening.” Dean asserted, trying to catch his best friend by the wrist before he stood up and started pacing. He missed. 

“I’ll have to move out too.” Cas started, babbling to himself in his anxiety filled state. 

“Cas—“ 

“I’ll try and look at places soon. I would only need a one bedroom for now maybe even a studio would work. It’s not like a baby is that big. I can figure out how to save up money in the future but for now it’s not like I need that much space. I definitely wouldn’t need two rooms.” 

Dean jumped up and put an end to Cas’s pacing. His heart was in this throat as he gritted out, “Cas, stop it. You’re not moving out.” 

“I can’t live with you. Not with a baby.” 

“The hell you can’t.” 

“Dean, this shouldn’t be your problem.” Cas cried, not looking him in the eyes. 

“I’m telling you right now Castiel, it will only be over my dead body that you move out.” 

Cas froze, almost toe-to-toe with Dean and looked up. For the first time since Dean had known the guy, heavy, sorrowed tears started streaming down Cas’s face. Dean’s heart broke at the sight, needing more than anything to never see that look on his best friend’s face for as long as he lived. 

“I don’t want to be a burden to you.” Cas said through a sob. “You shouldn’t have to deal with my mess.” 

“The only mess I’d be dealing with would be my heart shattering to pieces if you left us. So you can’t leave. And if that means we have a baby now, then that’s what we’re going to do. We can make this work, if that’s what you want to do.” 

“You’d do this with me?” The uncertainty in Castiel’s eyes had Dean cupping his face between his palms and pouring complete sincerity into his next words. 

“You know I will. It has to be what you want though.” 

“Dean…” 

He couldn’t take it anymore. “Come here.” He cooed as he yanked Cas against him, the other’s man’s face instantly burying itself in Dean’s neck. 

“I can’t be a father. I don’t know how.” 

Dean rocked them gently back and forth on their feet, trying his best to be comforting. “You don’t have to be. We can place it for adoption if you want.” 

“Her.” 

“What?” 

“’It’ is a ‘her’. The baby is a girl.” 

For the first time that night, Dean felt himself smile a little. “You have a daughter.” 

Dean lost track of the time that they just stood there in the living room, Castiel’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist, his head resting on Dean’s shoulder. He didn’t mind that he was practically supporting Cas’s weight so long as he never had to see Cas so vulnerable again. He hoped that in spite of everything he was able to offer Cas the comfort that he needed. 

Dean waited until Cas was ready to speak, didn’t try and draw anything out of him as he himself tried to process everything from the day. 

“What am I going to do?” Cas finally whispered. 

“What do you want to do?” 

Cas took that moment to step back, just enough to look at Dean but not enough that they lost physical contact. His face was contemplative for a while as the two just stared into each other’s eyes having a silent conversation. When Dean nodded, Cas stepped out of his embraced and turned towards the car seat. He knelt down and timidly unbuckled the sleeping form before scooping her up with unsure hands and cradling her to his chest like a delicate doll. The rate at which he walked those few steps was nearly comical but Dean held back his amusement, knowing this moment was important to Cas. 

The little bundle squirmed only a little as she was adjusted in Cas’s arms and Dean took a seat next to the two. 

Dean took the opportunity to scoot closer to Cas in order to both look down at the baby, sliding his arm around Cas’s shoulders and pressing their side’s close. He felt a smile wash over him and his heart melt as he looked down at the little girl’s sleeping face, one that so distinctly had Castiel’s nose. Just that sight alone was enough to tell him that there was no way that baby girl would ever have another home except for the one with them. Delicately, and unsurely he touched her soft tuff of fair hair, which Dean knew she got from Amelia. He wondered if her eyes were blue like Cas’s, a huge part of him desperately hoped they were. 

“She’s beautiful, Cas.” 

Cas sighed deeply at Dean’s side. “I’ve never seen anything so perfect in my life.” He said in a hushed awe that had Dean smiling.

It was bittersweet though, seeing Cas look so lovingly down at the baby in his arms. He was proud of his best friend for wanting to step up, thrilled for the little baby in his arms who would grow up with an amazing dad, but a part of him mourned the fantasy life he’d envisioned where the first baby Cas ever held would be one that they had chosen to bring into their family somewhere in the distant future…. 

Dean guesses that’s why people say when you make plans God laughs. 

He took a moment to just live in his own mind and force himself to get over the heartbreak that still felt so fresh inside him. He owed it to Cas and to this baby to try and be his best possible self as they transitioned into this new situation. He wasn’t gonna lie though. It was hard. 

“You love her already.” Dean observed as Cas smiled happily when the sleeping girl wrapped her little hand around his finger. 

“How is that possible?” 

He shrugged. “I don’t know… She’s your baby.” 

Cas looked over at Dean and offered him a nervous lip twitch that Dean figures was meant to be a smile. “I’m scared I’m not going to be good at this.” Cas admitted. 

“You won’t be alone.” Dean promised. 

“I don’t know the first thing about babies.” 

“We’ll figure it out.” 

And they would. He figured it was going to be rough… they didn’t exactly have a lot of money, Dean was a janitor at an elementary school after all while Cas worked part time at the gas station, and he knew baby crap was expensive. There was no way in hell they were going to be able to move to Seattle now, not when they needed a crib, diapers, formula, clothes, and whatever else it took to keep a baby happy. 

Dean resigned to never bring up Seattle or his acceptance letters to Cas or Sam. He figured it would be best for now if he could pick up extra shifts or maybe even look for a second job until they were all able to get on their feet. It sucked but Dean always did what he had to do. 

They sat there, just staring at the terrifyingly tiny human in Cas’s arms before Dean realized something. 

“She has a name doesn’t she?” He asked with a playful nudge to Cas’s side. 

“Oh,” Cas laughed a little. “ She does. It’s Claire. She has Amelia’s last name. She gave me the birth certificate.” 

“Claire Novak.” Dean said aloud, testing it out. “It’s a pretty name... well besides the Novak part.” Both him and Cas laughed at Dean’s small joke before another realization dawned on him. 

“Sam’s going to freak.” 

With everything going on, it didn’t surprise Dean that now was the moment Cas realized that Sam wasn’t home. The other man looked around for a second before asking, “Where is he?” 

“Oh… I uhm, I asked him to stay at a friend’s house.” 

“Why?” Cas asked innocently. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Dean replied with an indifferent shrug, he didn’t want to let on to Cas that something was going on.

Cas picked up on it anyway giving Dean a scrutinizing look, “Dean?” 

“Don’t worry about it.” He insisted, praying Cas would drop it before Dean had to straight up lie to the guy. 

It was courteous that the little bundle decided to wait until that moment to start whimpering. The second a sound emanated from her mouth Cas instantly stiffened. Not even a minute later her whimpers turned into real cries. 

Cas just stared down at her in horror making Dean want to laugh, yet leaving him to handle the situation. Without asking he quickly slid his hands under her body and lifted her away form Cas, cradling her in his arms. A terrified expression was on Cas’s face, pleading with Dean to help. 

“I uh—I have no idea.” Dean started, a little awkwardly, “But I’m going to start with she’s probably hungry?” 

“Right. Okay.” Cas said with studious head nods, yet not moving an inch. 

“Does she have a bottle?” 

“Yes.” He confirmed with another head nod, still unmoving from his seat on the couch. 

Dean rolled his eyes a little, “Can you get it for me there, champ?” 

Cas was shaken out of his stupor. “Oh. Yes.” He quickly got up and scrambled away towards the door to what Dean expected was the duffle bag Cas had come home with as well. 

What felt like an hour later, though it was only five minutes, Cas came back wielding a bottle and the bag. “Uh—it’s empty.” He said, holding the bottle out for Dean to see. 

“Is there formula?” Dean asked quickly, praying that Amelia at least had the forethought to leave her child with food. 

“Uhm, a little.” Cas confirmed after searching the bag quickly. 

“Right, okay. Let’s—lets go to the kitchen.” 

Dean heaved himself off the couch making sure to hold Claire tightly. He walked and rocked hoping to get her to stop crying but it wasn’t proving much help. 

“Are there directions?” Dean had to raise his voice to be heard over the crying. He watched as Cas turned the can around in his hands trying to find any part that told them how to make the damn baby good. 

“Yes.” He replied with a relieved tone. 

“Good. Follow them.” Dean commanded before he started walking around the apartment shushing, cooing, and begging Claire to stop crying.

Thankfully Cas’s fear of crying babies didn’t result in him taking his time making the bottle because before Dean knew it the other man was running to find them in their bedroom and thrusting the bottle into Dean’s hand. 

Despite knowing that Cas probably followed the directions to a T, Dean still checked the temperature on his arm before feeling confident enough to press the bottle to Claire’s mouth. 

“Here you go baby girl.” He said in the calmest voice he could muster. Claire immediately started sucking and drinking happily. “That’s right. You were just hungry weren’t you?” 

Dean felt the tension in the air dissipate as the baby girl ate. Cas slumped down on Dean’s bed and leaned tiredly against him. 

“How’d you know?” He asked curiously. 

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know much, but I do know babies cry mostly when they’re hungry or need a diaper change. That would have been my second option.” 

“And what if they don’t stop crying even then?” 

“Then I don’t know.” He admitted. 

They rested on Dean’s bed as Claire ate, Cas’s head comfortably perched on Dean’s shoulder. Every now and then Cas would reach out and run his finger down the side of his daughter’s face, just admiring her as she drank. 

“Thank you,” Cas whispered at Dean’s side. 

“For what?” 

“For being you.” Cas stopped for a moment and Dean could almost hear him thinking. “Part of me… part of me was worried you’d kick me out the second you found out about her.” 

A rush of hurt overcame Dean at that confession. “I’d never do that to you.” Dean insisted, his heart breaking that Cas could ever think that.

Cas said up and gave Dean a mournful look. “I know. I just—you already let me live here and go to school and _this_ wasn’t at all what you had signed up for.” 

“Let you live here?” Dean asked reproachfully. “Cas, the only reason any of us can eat without dipping into my savings is because of you. We need you here, just as much as we _want_ you here.” 

“What about Claire?” 

Dean looked down at the baby in his arms and melted just a little more. “The way I see it, you’re our family and she’s your kid… so that makes her our family now too. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but we’ll make this work. We’ll do this together.” 

“Together?” 

“Yeah, you and me…” Dean replied, looking back up into his best friend’s eyes.   
“… and Sam.” He said as an afterthought. “We’re in this together.” 

“I like the sound of that.” Cas shifted again to lay his head once more on Dean’s shoulder. It was only a beat before he spoke again. “Amelia thought I was going to ask her to marry me.” 

Dean felt his heart lurch but tried not to let it on. “I have to admit… I thought the same thing.” 

“Why?” The question was asked honestly, as if Cas didn’t understand how Dean and Amelia both came to that assumption. 

“It’s just the type of guy you are. You always do what you think it right.” He explained before asking what was nagging at him. “So… why didn’t you? Ask her to marry you?” 

“It didn’t even cross my mind until she brought it up.” 

Dean felt a weight instantly lifted off of his heart. “Yeah?” 

Cas nodded against his shoulder. “Maybe a year ago if she would have told me instead of running away I would have.” 

“But now?”

“Now I know my future’s not with her. It was never going to be with her. I have other plans.” 

Dean’s breath hitched as Cas leaned away once more and locked eyes with him. “Like what?” He asked under his breath. 

Cas reached up and cupped Dean’s cheek, his thumb swiping gently against his cheekbone causing Dean to lean in ever so slightly to the touch. 

“Right now?” Cas asked softly. Dean nodded. 

“Learning how to feed my daughter.” He said with a bright almost eager smile moving to look down at his baby girl, a smile that made Dean love than man even more than he knew he was capable of. 

“I can help with that.” Dean promised with a smile of own in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was finishing this I was starting to get so many ideas for where I want this to go. I'm still open to hearing what you all would like to see or predict is going to happen. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! :) <3


	3. Chapter 3

Babies cry a lot. 

And babies who are dumped by their mother’s on the doorstep of virtual strangers without enough diapers or a formula cry an especially large amount. 

At least in Dean and Cas’s opinion. 

The two figured out pretty quickly that they really didn’t know what the hell they were doing. After Dean had had a brief moment of responsibility and thought to call his lawyer there was a short-lived period of calmness in the small apartment before the sheer gravity of their situation hit them. They had a baby to take care of. An actual human baby that they were going to keep and raise. Dean and Cas were now in charge of another life that wasn’t an overly responsible, straight edge, book nerd, with more community service hours than any other kid in the district. How the fuck were they gonna do it? 

Yeah Cas and Dean were both reasonably responsible people. They’d never been late on their bills, they rarely called out sick, and all of Sammy’s parent-teacher conferences had both men sitting in on them. On the outside they looked like they were up to the task of raising a baby, but Dean wasn’t so sure if they were. He knew he had some deeply seated issues about his parenting capabilities, mostly stemming from the fact that he’d been raised by a half-present, alcoholic, grieving, father all his life. And Cas too didn’t grow up in the most loving of environments; both his parents died in a car accident the family of three was in and Cas was raised by his highly religious aunt and uncle. 

He knew deep down that they _could_ do it and he knew that both of them wanted to do it well. It was all just so scary. They’d been knocked off their feet by the surprise of the two month old and there was still so much that could go wrong. Would she even be allowed to stay with them? Would she be placed in the system for a time being until Cas could prove he was the father? What would happen, though unlikely, if they found out that Cas wasn’t the father? 

It was all too unclear for Dean’s liking and it was starting to make him anxious. He hoped that his worries weren’t evident, as he didn’t want to make his best friend any more stressed than he already was. And shit was Cas more worried than ever. The guy had only nearly gotten his nail biting habit under control in the last few months, but now, looking at his hand, Dean could see that his fingers were being bitten raw. 

With good reason too… not long after her feeding, baby girl needed a diaper change, and needed it badly. That was when Dean and Cas were horrified to find out that they had only been left with a few diapers. And when Cas had said earlier that there was a little bit of formula left, he meant there was hardly enough for three feedings. Suddenly they found themselves doing an emergency inventory of all that Amelia had left them in the worn down duffle bag. 

Including the car seat and yellow blanket Claire had arrived in, there was a pack-up crib, five onsies, four bottles, a bundle of little socks, two pairs of footie pajamas, a half-used bottle of baby shampoo, one baby towel, two baby blankets, two hats, four diapers, a changing pad, a near empty box of wipes, five pacifiers, and the small amount of formula. 

Dean tried his best to not laugh in hysterics as all the items were lain down on the living room floor. It hardly looked enough for the two novices to make it through the night and caused instant dread to wash over Dean as he realized that they’d have to go to the store. It was through Claire’s cries, and Castiel’s hesitant acceptance to hold her, that Cas and Dean weighed their options: one stays home while the other finds everything they need or both go to the store with the baby in tow. 

Neither one wanted to be alone with the crying baby. 

It took an embarrassingly long time to get Claire strapped up in her car seat and out the door, but they managed it, and somehow the promise of a car ride seemed to instantly snap the baby out of her foul mood. 

“How’d you even get this thing in here?” Dean asked as they locked her car seat with the base that was securely placed in the Impala—they only had one car and though Dean loved his Baby, Cas was the one who used it most often these days. 

“A woman at the diner saw everything happen. She was kind enough to help me.” 

“With the shape you were in when I found you,” Dean said with a teasing laugh, “I can only imagine how you would have been then. I’m surprised she even let you leave with the baby.” 

Thankfully Cas laughed at the joke. “Honestly, I am too.” He declared as he climbed into the passenger seat. 

Miraculously the drive to Wal-Mart went without trouble. Claire seemed content to be in a moving vehicle despite Cas looking over his shoulder to check her nearly every other minute. Dean just prayed that she would stay as calm during the entire shopping trip because he genuinely would not know what to do if she freaked out in a store filled with judgmental people. 

“What do we need?” Cas asked as they walked through the automatic doors. 

Dean looked around the massive store, not really knowing where to begin. “I think the better question is what don’t we need?” 

Cas looked down at Claire who was chewing on her toes happily. There was significantly less fear in his eyes than a few hours ago. “Are we… are we getting everything today?” 

“No. We just need to get some essentials right now.” As much as Dean would love to able to get everything they needed, he knew they were in no shape to do so. 

Cas looked up and observed the store, seemingly perplexed by where to begin as well. “And that would be?” 

“Formula or baby food—we probably need to see how old babies are before they stop using a bottle—uh, we also need bottles, diapers, wipes, and maybe some more clothes? She didn’t have much.”

“Alright. Where do we start?” 

Hell if Dean knew, but he suggested something anyway. “Formula?” 

It seemed like a simple starting point, but damn was he wrong. Never in his life would Dean believe that picking the right formula for a kid would be such a task. Could they just go with the regular formula? But what was ‘regular’? All the formulas tried to claim they had something that another brand didn’t. Did they need something that was gentle on her stomach? Did Claire even have a sensitive stomach? What if she did and they bought the wrong one? What the hell was rice starch? Or did they need a soy based one? The one Amelia had left didn’t have as good of reviews as some of the ones online at the same price, but she had had Claire for two months, would she know what was better for her? Maybe she tried the others but Claire didn’t like them as much.

Diapers and baby wipes weren’t pleasant to pick out either but they were much easier than the formula. By the end of it all, after reading more reviews than he believed he ever had in his life, Dean and Cas had compiled a list of items they’d like to have sometime but couldn’t quite afford quite yet. Their cart was mostly filled with off-brand items but the prices were more justifiable at the moment compared to the name brand stuff. The reviews were still pretty decent so that pacified both men to a small extent. 

Still, nearly 200 dollars later (some groceries were thrown in as well) and Dean was feeling the pressure of getting another job and getting it as quickly as possible. He didn’t care how they were going to make it work, as long as Cas didn’t have to work more, could stay in school, and Sammy still had everything he needed, Dean would take on as much a necessary to give his family everything. He just hoped his brother and best friend weren’t too stubborn about it. 

Though it felt like they were there for ages, the shopping trip took about forty five minutes and it shocked Dean to no end that Claire didn’t do much more than babble and suck on her fingers and toes during the entire time. He figured that she was going easy on them during their first public outing but wasn’t going to complain about it. He still thanked her anyway as he placed her in the back seat of the car and locked her into place. 

When Dean turned back to help Cas with the bags, his best friend had a look of displeasure painted on his face as he loaded up the Impala. “Cas? What’s wrong?” 

Cas huffed as he dropped the box of diapers into the trunk. “You shouldn’t have paid for all this.” 

Dean rolled his eyes, grabbing the last few bags from the bottom of the cart. “It’s not a big deal.” 

“Yes it is!” Cas cried. “She’s my… she’s my responsibility, I should pay for her things.” 

Dean closed the trunk and made his way towards the driver seat, not feeling like having an argument in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Cas dutifully returned the cart to the designated area before sliding in to the passenger seat where Dean was ready with his counter argument. 

“If you want to argue that since she is your responsibility, you should pay for her things, then I think we need to rethink our situation. That would mean I should be paying for all of Sam’s school supplies and his clothes and his food since he is legally my responsibility.” 

“Dean…” Cas started, his voice incredulous. “You pay the rent, and the utilities, and the internet for starters! It’s only fair that I take care of Sam’s stuff.” 

“And I could handle taking care of this grocery trip.” 

“But—“ 

“But what? Cas, if you haven’t figured it out, we take care of each other. It’s not like money spent doesn’t go back to our family. What’s mine is yours and all that.” 

Cas softened in his seat, letting out a small laugh at Dean’s comment. “Isn’t that a phrase for old married people?” 

“What? You don’t wanna be married to me?” Dean asked teasingly, glad that Cas was done with worrying over who paid for what. Sometimes their arguments could last for hours, neither one of them letting up out of sheer stubbornness—it’s how Dean got his way with Cas only working part time in order to focus on school full time, instead of the other way around. 

It was comforting to know that even if they did argue they always managed to work through it, both men comfortable enough to know that they wouldn’t lose each other over a disagreement. It made Dean feel safe in what it was they had together. 

Dean looked up to meet Cas’s eyes to offer him a smile and saw his best friend returning his gaze with a soft look. “I’d love nothing more,” Cas said gently. 

Dean’s heart did a flip-flop in his chest, simultaneously loving and hating the way Cas could catch him off guard with just a few words. And maybe right then would have been a perfect time to lunge across the front seat and smash his mouth to that impossibly perfect set of lips in his passenger seat but… he couldn’t deny that his heart was still a little raw with the events of the day. 

Knowing Cas wouldn’t take it to heart, Dean laughed off Cas’s small confession, throwing the car into reverse and leaving the parking lot of the supercenter. It wasn’t until they were on the road back to their apartment that Dean started a conversation again. 

“So, um, I was—I was thinking since we were on the topic of money. Maybe, maybe we could figure out a different arrangement for ours?” 

Cas was looking over his shoulder checking on Claire for the fifth time in the last three minutes, but still answered. “What do you mean?” 

“I just—“ Dean tried to feign nonchalance, but felt a little nervous for what he was going to say. “I just mean that it’s silly that we’re spending money separately when we already plan our budget and pay the bills together, you know? I was just thinking that maybe we could—maybe we could open a joint account?” 

Cas’s attention was instantly on Dean. “You want to put our money together?” 

“We could keep our separate savings if you want, but I thought that it’d be easier to put everything into a split account that we both have access to. And now with Claire? I’d feel better if I knew that if you needed something and you didn’t have enough that you wouldn’t have to wait to ask me for a little more.” 

It wasn’t something Dean just suggested on a whim, he’d been considering it for a few months now. Their lives had become so interconnected and in his heart Dean knew that it would take more than even the apocalypse to pry him from Cas… it just made more sense. It assured him that even if, by some freak event, Cas got stranded somewhere without any money in his own account, he wouldn’t have to wait for Dean to come rescue him—he’d be secure no matter what. (And maybe Dean joked in his head that he’d be getting financially married to Cas, which was just a few steps below real marriage… shut up). 

Dean chanced a glance away from the road, hoping to see understanding on his best friend’s face but only seeing a look of disapproval instead. He felt his shoulders slump without his permission. 

“I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that…” Cas said. 

“Oh. Right.” Dean turned back towards the road, playing it as cool as he could but he knew his tone betrayed him. “That’s okay. I know I sometimes spend too much on Sammy and stuff so I get it if you don’t really trust me with money I just thought it might be a good—“ 

Cas’s hand gripped his forearm tightly, cutting him off from his nervous rambling. “Dean, stop. It’s not you! I just… I don’t know how comfortable I feel having access to all your money. You trust me that much?” 

“Are you kidding?” Dean asked disbelievingly. “Dude, what are you going to do? Drain my account and run? Is that why you’ve been my friend all this time? To mooch off my infinite piles of riches?” Though he meant it to come off as light-hearted, he was a little hurt that Cas didn’t believe Dean trusted him with his life let alone his money. 

Cas squeezed Dean’s arm warningly, “Of course not. I’d never leave you.” 

“Then what’s the problem?” Dean pried. 

Cas pulled away and slumped against the back of the seat. What Dean wouldn’t give to be able to read his mind in the few moments of silence that followed his question. 

Dean could tell that Cas was trying, and failing to come up with a solid reason why they shouldn’t. “You’re right…” He finally said, throwing up his hands. “There isn’t any reason why we shouldn’t have a combined account.” 

“Did you just say I’m right?” 

Cas rolled his eyes so hard at that moment. “I hate you.” 

“Liar.” 

He tried to hide his laugh but Dean could still see Cas’s smile out of the corner of his eye. “I know.” 

“So you’re okay with it?”

“I am.” 

“Okay, okay cool.” Dean smiled to himself. He almost reached his hand across the seat and locked his fingers with Cas’s just wanting to feel connected to him at the moment but saw that his best friend had his hands clasped together in his lap already. Dean reached down and flipped on the stereo instead. 

Bad move. 

Claire didn’t like Zeppelin. 

Like really did not like Zeppelin. 

She also didn’t like when the car wasn’t running. She didn’t like to leave her car seat nor did she like to be laid on the floor. She absolutely detested the bath and could have broken some glass with the scream she let out when they tried to put her in a long sleeved pajama outfit. She loathed Cas’s singing… but Dean’s? She was okay with Dean’s. As long as Cas was the one holding her. Dean was apparently no good at holding her at the moment. 

He didn’t know how they went from perfectly content, toe eating baby, to possessed demon baby in a matter of minutes but Dean, not for the first time that day, felt completely overwhelmed by the complete one-eighty. 

He actually sent a grateful prayer out to a god he didn’t believe in when Claire miraculously settled down the moment she was lain town in her pack up crib—the one Dean had spent the larger part of half an hour trying to figure out as Cas bickered with him about the right way to do it. And so when Claire finally decided that sleep was a good idea, Dean and Cas didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. They were settled in their (separate) beds merely ten minutes after, ready for unconsciousness to take over. 

Claire slept for four hours before she was pissed again. 

Diaper change, bottle, some more of Dean’s singing, and one hour later she was back down. 

Cas found his way into Dean’s bed not long after that. 

“Cold?” Dean asked through a yawn, trying to shuffle over in the twin size bed that was far too small for their overgrown selves. 

“No.” Cas whispered as he slid right next to Dean, laying his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Just need to be next to you.”

Dean didn’t say a word as he wrapped his arms around his best friend and pressed a kiss to his temple. They didn’t need to say anything. They both knew what was there. 

Sleep came quickly, but the morning came even quicker and neither of them faired well. 

Not only was Claire awake another four hours later, leaving Dean and Cas to suffer from discombobulated, non-restful sleep at seven in the morning on a Sunday but she’d woken up fussy and clingy, refusing to let Castiel put her down even for a moment. Coffee, pop tarts, and the Spanish radio station were the only things getting them through their first morning with the little girl. 

And if it weren’t for the crying baby, it would have been almost humorous to see how guilty Castiel looked the moment he realized he couldn’t hold his bladder anymore and had to hand Dean the screaming infant so that he could finally pee that morning. 

It broke Dean’s heart though, realizing that Claire might not have had the most loving home with Amelia but it had been all she had known for the first few weeks of her life. How scary must it have been to suddenly be surrounded by new smells, new sounds, and new faces? He snuggled her just a little bit tighter at those thoughts before handing her back over to Cas who had all but ran from the bathroom. 

About four cups of coffee later, and a blissfully sleeping baby in the crook of Cas’s arm on the couch, Dean had seriously forgotten that he had another housemate until the front door opened up a little after ten that morning. 

“Is everyone decent? I don’t care if you put a roof over my head, I swear I’ll kill both of you if I see anyone na—“ 

“Sammy!” Dean exclaimed, practically running to the front door. “Hi. How was your friend’s house?” Dean interrupted, cutting off anything incriminating Sam might have said. 

The sixteen-year old looked thrown off. “Uh, fine?” 

“Oh good! That’s good! Did you do anything fun?” Dean grabbed Sam’s duffle off his shoulder and made a beeline straight to Sam’s room, getting the two of them as far away from the living room as possible. 

“No. Just tried heroin and had a threesome with some prostitutes.” Sam said, chasing after his older brother. 

“Oh nice! Cool, cool, cool.” Dean knew he wasn’t listening to a damn word the kid was saying. His stomach was in knots over the thought that he had to explain why there was a baby in the house within the next five minutes. 

It wasn’t until Sam shoved his shoulder that Dean realized he was blankly staring at the comforter on Sam’s bed. “Dean?” 

“Hmm?” 

“You’re acting weird.” 

“I am? What? No?” 

The bitch face to end all bitch faces took over his kid brother’s features. “Dean…” 

“Fuck Sammy….” Dean ran his fingers through his hair and leveled his eyes with his brother’s. He lowered his voice before he spoke. “Look, last night didn’t go how I thought…” 

Sam’s eyes blew up wide. “He said no?”

“No… No. He didn’t say anything.” Dean knew his whole body emanated disappointment at the moment especially when he had to admit, “I didn’t even ask.” 

“What? Dean you’ve been planning this for so long.” Sam whined. He only knew that Dean had been pining after Cas for a while now. After much pestering Dean had admitted how bad he wanted to try and make things work with Cas. The kid knew nothing about Seattle. 

Dean slumped onto the end of Sam’s bed. “I know, I know. But something came up.” That’s when Sam took a seat next to him, still looking as upset as Dean felt about the whole situation. 

“Something more important than… this?” 

“Yeah…” 

“Don’t tell me you chickened out…” 

Dean just _had_ to shove his brother in the shoulder at that. “Would you hush for a minute?” He turned and looked Sam square on, taking any trace of brotherly teasing out of his features. “Look, something happened and it’s kind of turned everything upside down.” 

Sam nodded through his confusion. “You’re worrying me.” 

“Just…” Dean took a deep breath before standing up and heading to the door. “Come on.” 

“Dean…” He could hear in Sam’s voice that the kid was concerned, and not about what was happening but about how Dean was feeling. And maybe, maybe if there wasn’t a baby waiting in the other room Dean might have taken a minute to share feelings with the kid. Maybe. 

“Don’t start. I’m fine. Well, I’m okay. But right now Cas and I need to tell you something.” 

Before Sam could protest, Dean headed out towards the living room, hearing the tramping of his gigantor brother’s feet right on his heels. When they got into the living room it was almost impossible to tell that anything was amiss. Cas’s back was too them, sitting on the couch in what seemed like a regular manner, so it wasn’t until they walked around to the front that Sam made a shocked noise. 

Dean gestured to the baby girl sleeping in Cas’s arms, not exactly knowing where to begin. “Uhm… this… this is Claire. Your… I guess, your niece.” 

Sam blanched at Dean’s choice of words. “My what? Dean, what the hell did you do?!” 

Dean threw his hands up in surrender, quickly realizing the implications of what he said. “Not me! Cas had the baby.” 

You could almost hear the crack in Sam’s neck as he whipped his head around to look back at Cas. “You had the baby?” 

Cas looked like he’d been scolded and turned away from the two brothers. “Amelia had the baby. She just told me.” 

“And she just left you with it?” 

Cas nodded miserably. It was evident how nervous he was that Sam was going to react negatively to the news. “She wanted to place Claire for adoption but at the last minute got too scared.” 

“Is that even legal? Can she just leave her baby with you? If you didn’t know about the baby then I’m guessing you’re not on the birth certificate…” 

“Lets stop right there, Kid Lawyer,” Dean cut in. He took a seat next to his panicking best friend and wrapped an arm around his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. “We called Crowley last night and we’re waiting to hear back from him to see what to do.” 

Understanding crossed Sam’s face and he took a seat on the floor in front of them. “The lawyer you got to get custody of me?” 

“Yeah.” 

Sam almost looked excited. “So does that mean…” 

Dean nodded with a smile on his face. “She’s staying with us.”

“Really?” 

“Is that—is that okay?” Cas asked with hesitation. 

“Hell yeah!” Sam beamed. “I mean this is weird and all and completely the opposite of what I expected to walk into after last night but yeah it’s cool!” 

An audible sigh of relief escaped Castiel. “Thank you Sam.” 

“Uncle Sam now!” The kid said, before scrunching his nose at the name. “No wait, no. Not Uncle Sam that just reminds me of the ‘I want you!’ posters.” 

Dean chuckled before suggesting, “Uncle Sammy?” 

“No! Not that either, Uncle Dean.” Sam tried to tease back; only he noticed the way Dean cringed at the name. Which was why it didn’t surprise Dean when Sam suggested a different idea. 

“How about we just drop the ‘Uncle’ part and she can decide what to call us when she’s old enough to talk?” 

“Probably for the best.” Cas said from Dean’s side. 

Dean was certain that Sam had enough questions to rival an FBI agent, but the kid was more empathetic than any other human Dean had ever met. He knew Sam picked up on Cas’s discomfort and Dean’s disappointment in a plan gone awry. So it didn’t surprise him when the talkative teenager was content to just sit in silence and watch Claire sleep. 

Eventually, when all residual tension had finally dissipated, Sammy proved the most responsible of the three men when he brought into question the logistics of the situation. 

“So, how is this going to work now?” 

Cas was the one to voice what he and Dean were thinking. “What do you mean?” 

“I just mean tomorrows Monday.” 

Dean and Cas both let out a simultaneous, “Shit.” 

Their routine worked for them, up until this very moment. Dean worked the day shift at the elementary school in their neighborhood and could easily walk to work while Sam took the bus to school around the time Dean left. Then it was Cas’s turn to go to school a few hours later, taking the Impala since he had about a fifteen-minute commute. All of them got off roughly around the same time and recouped and ate a quick dinner before Cas went off to his part time shift at the gas station. Dean would have liked to work another job at night but he couldn’t stand the idea of leaving Sam alone at night in their neighborhood. 

Now with Claire? They had no one to watch her and they sure as hell couldn’t take her with them to work. Dean’s first instinct was for one of them to take a day off, but their budget was only flexible enough on the promise that neither of them took a day off if it wasn’t strictly necessary. This didn’t fall into the ‘only if Sammy is in trouble or any of us are in the hospital’ rule they’d long agreed on. 

Thankfully Cas was the one to think of what Dean hadn’t. “I’ll just have to take the day off from school.” He decided to which Sam nodded in agreement. 

Dean frowned at that being their only option, and pointed a finger decisively in Cas’s direction. “One day. You get one day off and then we have to do something else. You’re not missing any more than that.” 

Cas nodded in understanding, knowing Dean was serious about both Sam and Cas getting an education. 

“We’ll just have to get a sitter or put her in daycare.” 

Dean grumbled hearing those words. “Which will only cost an arm and a leg.” 

“We can’t just leave her at home.” Cas exclaimed, his annoyance more directed at the situation than at Dean. 

“Obviously. I was just thinking out loud.” 

Cas handed the sleeping baby over to Dean before wringing his fingers through his hair. “We’ll just have to make it work until I can switch to online classes next semester.” 

“Madison’s mom works evenings…” Sam chimed in, trying to diffuse the stress he’d brought back. “Maybe she could help out for a little while until we find a permanent solution?” 

Dean gave his brother a grateful smile. It might not work out since Dean wasn’t sure how many people actually liked babysitting real babies, but it was the best option they had at the moment. Sam’s friend Madison was one of the only kids whose parent Dean thought had a real head on their shoulders in this place. 

“Would you mind calling her?” He asked. 

Sam jumped up, excited to help. “Yeah! No problem.” 

When the teenager was out of the room, Dean turned back to Cas who hadn’t taken his head out of his hands. 

“We’re gonna make this work.” He promised while rubbing soothing circles up and down Cas’s spine. “We knew it would be hard when we agreed to keep her.” 

“Did I make the wrong choice?” Cas asked into his hand.

Knowing the answer before speaking, Dean still probed, “Do you want to give her away?” 

Cas’s answer was instant. “No.” 

“Then we made the right choice. It’s all gonna work out.” 

Cas’s blue eyes were slightly red rimmed when he finally pulled away and looked at Dean. “I feel like I’m too young for this.” 

“I felt like that too when everything went down with Sammy.” 

“You’ve done so amazingly with him though.” 

Dean smiled warmly. “That’s because I had you. Every step of the way. Just like you’ll have me.” 

Cas closed his eyes solemnly. “That was different Dean, Sam was already fourteen when you had to solely care for him. He’ll be an adult soon. Claire isn’t even six months. I don’t expect you to stick around until she’s going off to college.” 

“Would you have still helped me if Sammy had been just a baby?” 

Cas met Dean’s gaze with sincerity. “Of course,” he promised, and Dean knew he meant it with his whole heart. 

So he shared his whole heart in return. “Cas, I don’t plan on going anywhere, ever. You have me, completely.” 

Dean saw Cas visually melt before Cas’s arms wrapped around Dean’s neck and pulled him into as tight of a hug as he could manage without squashing the sleeping infant between them. Dean knew he should say more, knew it was time he finally just voiced everything he needed to say that they had left unsaid for too long. 

“—so Madison said her mom would be more than happy to watch Claire for this week she just wants you to call her as soon as you can so she can work everything out with you guys.” 

Dean and Cas pulled away before Sam could see the lingering hug happening between the two men. There was a look in Cas’s eyes that told him that they’d talk later, before Cas stood from the couch and pulled out his phone. 

“I’ll call her right now.” 

As Cas talked on the phone Sam came over and plopped down on the couch next to Dean. 

“Don’t think I didn’t see that hug.” He said under his breath so Cas couldn’t hear from the other side of the room. 

“We’re not gonna talk about that right now.” Dean asserted. 

Sam sighed and gave Dean a pitying frown. “You need to do something about it though.” 

“I will. Soon. I promise.” 

“You better.” 

“Bitch.” Dean mumbled, loud enough so only Sam could hear. 

“Jerk.” Sam shot back with an elbow to Dean’s arm. Cas never failed to call them children when they threw those stupid names at each other, but it was habit now, a little inside joke between the brothers and Dean loved it. 

“Can I hold her?” Sam asked after a few minutes of just staring at the baby like she was a puppy in a pet store. Sam always had a soft spot for all things cute and cuddly. 

“I think we can make that happen.” Dean exclaimed before instructing Sam how to sit before sliding Claire over to him. 

He loved watching his little brother smile like a goof when Claire grabbed his finger in her sleep. And the way Cas smiled fondly at the three of them from his spot across the room made Dean’s chest fill with a warmth he couldn’t fully comprehend at the moment. 

It was all so new now and Dean had no doubt that it was only going to get more challenging than the past two days had been. Yet, he also knew that this was their family, and despite the trials ahead there were no better people to go through it all with than them. Maybe his plans for a new life in a different city were just not meant to be, but he knew he would be okay as long as he had these three with him wherever he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be talk of the living situation next chapter! I can't promise a solution because stubbornness is a dominate trait in this family, but there will be one hell of a discussion. 
> 
> Let me know what you think/predict/desire about/for this story! I love love love to hear your thoughts. :)


	4. Chapter 4

“I’m going to leave my phone on loud but if you can’t get ahold of me call the front office and they’ll radio me, okay? Don’t be scared to call if something happens, okay? I am going to tell them what’s going on so it shouldn’t be a problem if I have to leave early, okay?” 

“Yes Dean.” Cas gently bounced Claire in the crook of his arms as the baby girl contemplated catching some more sleep. 

It was the normal early morning hour Dean and Sam needed to head out for school and work but, after repeatedly waking up in the night, it felt an awful lot earlier. Dean paced around their small kitchen checking to make sure that Cas had everything he could possibly need for the day. 

“Everything you should need is on the counters for now, okay? Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I swear if you say the word ‘okay’ one more time, I’ll scream.” 

Yeah, Dean was definitely a bundle of nerves. 

They’d had Claire with them no more than two days. They definitely didn’t know what the hell they were doing, and Cas had barely just changed a diaper _passably_ for the first time that morning without any assistance… and that was because Dean forced him to. 

Now Dean was expected to leave his best friend (who was completely inexperienced with taking care of infants) alone with an infant for at least eight hours. Not that Dean didn’t think Cas was capable of figuring out how to take care of Claire, but Dean felt more comfortable being around to help, seeing how he’d at least had some experience with Sammy as a baby, even if Dean had never been around one in his adult life. 

And lord knew Cas wasn’t going to turn away from Claire for one second—Dean was sure the dude wouldn’t even allow himself to pee unless Claire was asleep, and even then that was a huge maybe—but Dean couldn’t get over the feeling of ‘what if something happens and I’m not able to get home in time.’ He had half the nerve to call out sick but Cas put an end to his train of thought. 

“Dean, you have to go to work. Even if I’m not ‘okay’ I have to be. I’ll figure this out.” 

“I wish I could have taken today off.” 

“Well you can’t, so you need to go.” Before Dean could argue, Sam came rushing by in a flurry. The kid had definitely been woken up in the night from Claire’s cries and had a hard time waking up with his alarm clock this morning. Dean made a mental note to buy him some earplugs. 

Cas reached out to stop Sam from running out the door.“—Hey, don’t forget your lunch. I made you that chicken chopped salad you like.” 

“Thanks Cas.” Sam responded exhaustedly before all but sprinting to the fridge and out the front door with a “See you guys later,” over his shoulder. 

“Be safe!” Both Dean and Cas shouted after him, not expecting a response from the teenager who was probably already at the bus stop a few blocks away with how long his damn legs were. 

Cas turned back to Dean and gave him a tired scowl. “Dean, you’re late for work.” 

“I know.” Dean glanced at the clock. He was fifteen minutes later than usual to leave. 

“Stop worrying. I promise I’ll call if I can’t handle this.” 

Sometimes Dean hated how anxious he got when it came to his family in new situations. Don’t even remind him of the weeks of anxiety he’d dealt with when he could no longer drive Sammy to school anymore due to work and had to let the kid take the city bus to his high school. Not to mention how he _still_ could not go to sleep until he knew Cas was safe and home from his night shift at the gas station. He was a worrier and that was probably never gonna change. 

Procrastinating just a little while longer, Dean stepped closer to Cas to stoke a finger down Claire’s cheek. “Bye sweetheart, be good for your dad.” He said in his sweetest voice. 

Cas was able to see right through Dean’s shenanigans and started nudging him towards the door. “Dean, go.” 

“Alright, alright. I’m leaving.” He didn’t even attempt to contain his displeasure as he shrugged his workbag over his shoulder checking to make sure he’d grabbed the lunch Cas had packed him too. Like most mornings, as he stood at the front door with Cas, Dean leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead before turning to head for the bus stop. “See you soon.” 

Dean was grateful he had a pretty laid back boss when he came rushing into work ten minutes after he should’ve clocked in. He quickly changed into his uniform, just some basic navy bottoms and a frumpy lighter blue button up that had his name etched onto a name badge. 

It felt like it wasn’t a minute after getting dressed that he was asked to go to a kindergarten classroom that had an early morning throw up incident after breakfast. He’d long since gotten over those types of things. Working at a school made him realize that kids were gross but if he had a job to do, it wasn’t something that bothered him. His job wasn’t all cleaning up though. Yeah he had to check the bathrooms, pick up trash around the school, and clean up after the cafeteria craziness but he also did a lot of stocking of supplies, and fixing the infinite number of broken school items that teachers sent their way. 

He’d have preferred to work with kids more directly than just chaperoning the ones who were sent to him as a ‘helper’ (AKA they’d gotten in trouble), but he still got to talk to the kids whenever he saw them around the campus. The younger ones really liked him because he gave out batman stickers when he saw anyone helping clean up around the school—figured he should thank the kids who didn’t make his job harder by purposefully dropping something for him to clean up (eleven year olds were sometimes little shits). 

Dean was definitely busy that day, as like most days, so he didn’t realize until he got his first break that he’d left his phone… at home. His first instinct was to find the closest phone and make sure nothing happened because how the hell could he forget his phone in all of his anxiety this morning? He managed to talk himself down though, knowing Cas wouldn’t forget to call the school if something bad actually did happen. 

It was good that he had a pretty busy job to keep him occupied for the rest of the day but that still didn’t stop him from rushing home in record time. 

He walked into the apartment to hear the Spanish radio on softly from the direction of the bedrooms while Sam and Cas were sitting at their small kitchen table looking contemplative. Since the house was not on fire and there appeared to be only the smallest amount of clutter, he assumed that Cas had actually managed to survive the day with his daughter. 

“Hey, how was today? Did everything go okay?” Dean asked as he set his stuff down and unpacked his lunchbox. 

Cas nodded as he held Claire over his shoulder, “A few rough moments—she really doesn’t like going down for a nap—but other than that everyone came out alive.” 

“Thank god.” Dean sighed with relief. It’s not that he didn’t think Cas could do it, but he’d been worried about how stressed Cas might have been all day. He smiled at his friend before moving automatically in the direction of the fridge to start prepping dinner. “Do you guys want steaks or chicken?” 

“Dean...” 

He popped his head out from the fridge to look at Sam who’d just said his name. “Or I could probably do pasta or something if you don’t want chicken or steak.” 

Sam shook his head, not in answer to Dean’s questioning about dinner, but like he had something on his mind. “Dean…” 

Dean looked from Sammy to Cas. Both of them shared equally concerned looks and it had Dean moving towards the one other unoccupied chair in the kitchen. 

“What’s up?” He asked slowly. 

“We need to talk.” Sam admitted. The kid looked like he was ready with a speech of some sort to get Dean to do something he probably wouldn’t want, or wasn’t able, to do. 

“Sam, we’ve already talked about this last night.” Dean sighed. “I know you want that calculator but I emailed your teacher today on my lunch and she said she didn’t mind lending you a school one until next month. We can’t afford a two hundred dollar number cruncher when Claire needs literally everything. I thought you understood that.” 

“No, Dean, it’s not that, I swear! I’m fine with that, it’s something else…” 

“What’s up then?” 

Sam looked nervously over at Cas, silently asking the other man to jump in. 

“You left your phone here.” Cas stated simply enough. 

“Yeah, shit. I know.” Dean looked between the two again, watching as they negotiated who had to speak next. Dean was lost and starting to get worried. “So what? Did something happen? You _know_ to call the school if something happens and they’ll get ahold of me.” 

“No, Dean, it’s not that either.” Cas soothed quickly. 

“Then what is it?” 

“You got a phone call from a Lydia Prince in Seattle.” Cas’s tone was neutral as he spoke but Dean still felt his heart catch in his throat. “She said that she’s waiting to hear back on if you want the job or not.” 

Dean blinked slowly, not knowing what the hell to say. He settled on: “Oh.” 

“Oh?” Sam grilled accusingly. “Dean, why is someone calling from Seattle offering you a job?” 

“I uh—I applied to a few places.” 

“What?” 

Dean’s eyes flickered between the two, not knowing who to focus on. He felt like a trapped animal at the moment. “I just thought a change of scenery might be good. It was a stupid spur of the moment thing. I didn’t actually plan to move…” 

Cas was the one to catch his eye and hold it. “You’re lying.” 

“No I’m not.” Dean argued, making Cas sigh. 

“Dean…” 

“Just drop it. It’s nothing.” He tried to shrug it off with a stupid grin and a dismissive hand motion but Cas and Sam both narrowed their eyes at him. 

“Dean.” Cas’s voice spoke of a challenge and it did nothing but make Dean frustrated. 

“I said drop it!” Dean demanded. His tone was enough to startle Claire and before he knew it she was crying and he was childishly storming off to his and Cas’s room. 

He felt like a complete asshat the second he shut the door behind himself. What kind of monster makes a baby cry and then leaves others to deal with it? Besides how long was she going to be crying for? If he didn’t go out there Cas would probably forgo eating dinner in order to soothe her and then Dean would have a doubly pissed off Cas for not only scaring his kid but not being able to eat either. 

Begrudgingly he went back into the kitchen with the sole purpose of making food. He chanced a glace at Cas to see the other man shooting deathly glares Dean’s way as he tried to shush Claire. Sam looked like a frightened animal but Dean knew better than to try and help or else they’d probably try and guilt Dean into sharing why he’d applied for jobs as some sort of peace offering. 

He was petty enough to not ask them what they wanted to eat either. So, he went about making chicken with a side salad as Cas and Sam kept trying to calm Claire down. Thankfully it didn’t take too long for her to tired herself out and go back to happily kicking her feet and chewing on her hands. 

Dean finished cooking without a word and the three men ate in awkward silence over the table. Dean knew he was probably being stupid. If either Sam or Cas had gotten a phone call like that and he’d been the one to answer, he’d be up their asses about it until they spilled everything. But the thing with his situation was… different. The whole thing left him feeling a little bitter. He _knew_ he’d have to call and turn down the job. He _knew_ it was a lost cause to even consider moving at the current moment. And just the thought of Seattle and that job offer in general brought back those little bouts of heartbreak every time he had to think about the dinner he’d planned for Cas. 

So yeah, he was being a moody baby at the moment but he felt justified about it. 

It was nice that the minute he’d finished scarfing down his food was the same minute Claire decided she was hungry. Not wanting to give Sam or Cas a chance to question him further, Dean practically snatched Claire out of Cas’s arms, made her a bottle and escaped to the living room (which was admittedly not as far from the kitchen as he’d like at the moment). 

He knew it could only play his little avoidance game for long so it came as no surprise when Cas was about to leave that he stopped in front of Dean on the couch. 

“We’re discussing this when I get home.” 

“No, we aren’t.” Dean huffed. 

Cas dropped down to kneel in front of Dean and Claire on the couch. “Don’t argue with me. We _will_ discuss this.” And Dean knew he wasn’t gonna get out of this one. 

Cas quickly pressed a kiss to Claire’s forehead before he rose up to cup Dean’s cheek. The look in his eyes told Dean that Cas was disappointed but he’d be understanding of the situation no matter what. Cas was too good for Dean.

“Be careful.” Dean requested, as always, before Cas left. 

“I promise.” He pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Dean’s mouth before standing.

Dean might have moped around on the couch for a little while, content to just snuggle with Claire who was currently in a good mood, not that he really knew what type of mood she was generally in but it was nice that she wasn’t crying. And that he wasn’t the one to make her cry. He hoped her little coos and waving hands meant she was starting to get use to her new home (and him), but he figured it was probably just a fluke. He didn’t pretend to be an expert on kids or know the psychology behind anything but he did know he was worried Claire wouldn’t be able to bond with either him or Cas. Dean figured it wasn’t an uncommon fear, one he thought many families who adopted children into their life felt, but it didn’t make him worry any less. She’d been stripped from a life she knew with her mother and was now adjusting to a whole new life. 

He knew Claire was lucky she had Cas as her dad. The guy would go to the ends of the earth for his family, and there was no doubt he’d do the same and more for his own child. And knowing Cas, in a month’s time, he’d probably be an expert in all things parenting, needing to make sure he was doing everything the right way to ensure Claire would grow up successful in life. 

What role did Dean have in that life? He knew he was going to be in it. Regardless if things worked out the way he wanted between him and Cas, he wasn’t going to ever let Cas be out of his life, and therefore Dean would always be in Claire’s life. And that thought kind of scared him. Not because he didn’t want to be in her life, but because he was still so confused about the whole situation. His best-friend-turned-almost-lover’s kid showed up in his lap and the only thing he could do was roll with it. Of course he wasn’t going to turn an innocent baby away. Of course he was going to support Cas one hundred percent through everything but… that still didn’t change the fact that Dean didn’t ask for any of this. 

It made him feel guilty to the core. 

Simultaneously his heart softened with Claire’s happy little sounds, and filled with raging jealousy when he thought about how the little girl had been made. He loved Cas more than words could describe, and instinct had him feeling fiercely protective of the baby in his arms already but… did he love her? He didn’t really know. She was precious and snuggly and did in fact have Cas’s blue eyes, and for as long as Cas wanted him around, Dean was going to do right by her. 

He still just didn’t know how to feel. 

Supposed it’d take a little while for him to know. 

Almost as if she knew he was thinking about her, Claire started kicking and babbling loudly and of course Dean couldn’t help but smile down at her. 

“Hey kiddo, did you have a good day?” He asked her, plastering on a giant smile to try and garner a reaction out of her. He felt a smug sort of satisfaction when he got her to smile on the first try. She really was a cutie. “I’m sorry I was such a jerk earlier. You forgive me right?” 

Another gummy smile had him grinning ear to ear. 

“Wow, look at you kicking those legs. We should probably put you in kickboxing when you’re older. Could probably kick some ass. Especially those boys you’ll never be allowed to date.” 

Before he could even question how weird he probably looked, talking to a baby no larger than his forearm, the sound of Sammy’s shuffling feet approached him from behind the couch. He could see the kid standing at the edge of living room and Dean groaned internally. Sam had on his ‘we need to talk’ face and from past experience, Dean knew he just wasn’t in the mood for that. 

“Is your homework done?” He asked, cutting his brother off before the kid could even start talking. 

“Dean…” 

“I asked if your homework is done.” 

Dean could practically hear the eye roll in Sam’s. “No.” 

“Go work on that then.” 

Sam moved to the open spot on the couch and perched himself on the edge. 

“Can we talk about this?” His face and posture were all sorts of kind and understanding, in a way that made Dean inexplicably more irritated. 

“No.” 

“Dean, please.” 

“I’m not in the mood.” He barked. “Please just go away.” 

It was surprising that Sam chose not to put up a fight and actually walked away. Immediately a part of Dean felt guilty for being so ‘parental’ towards Sam and shutting him down like that. He didn’t like to pull out the ‘I’m your guardian, you do as I say’ card, and wanted Sam to know he could always come to Dean. He didn’t want to treat Sam with the same callousness John treated Dean with, but sometimes it was hard to not use his authority against the teenager. Especially when Dean was acting like a teenager himself, ironic as it sounded. 

He’d apologize to Sam later. 

Cas texted Dean on his break and told him he’d called Madison’s mom and they were good to go to drop Claire off with her in the morning. He asked if Dean could pack her a bag so they wouldn’t have to do it when they woke up and risk forgetting anything. He then proceeded to send Dean a list of everything he thought they would need in the diaper bag, making Dean roll his eyes with fond amusement, but he did as he was asked, even placing in all five changes of clothes Cas seemed to believe she would need for the day. 

When the text stopped rolling in and Dean had put the final item in the bag, he went back to the impromptu pillow setup he’d set Claire in. He played with her for a while, which consisted of mostly just dangling her toys in front of her face so that she could attempt to bat at them before getting bored. He really needed to learn how to interact with such a small human because he had no idea if he was doing it right. For the time being dangling a funky looking, overly colorful dog in her face was doing the trick. 

When she started getting fussy he fed her a little, before changing her, which led to soothing her to sleep and laying her down in the pack up crib they’d settled between both his and Cas’s beds in their room. He left the door open in order to hear if she woke up (they didn’t have a baby monitor yet) and peeked into Sam’s room to see him conked out on top of his sheets. 

Dean felt another small wave of guilt hit him as he saw how utterly exhausted Sam was. The kid had just been told the day before that he’d be stuck with helping care for an infant, on top of losing sleep because of the baby, only to come home and have his brother be a complete jerk to him over something stupid—and not once did Sam get upset or have some sort of blow up over any of it. He was a damn good kid and Dean was his dumbass big brother who needed to buy the kid a cookie or something. Needing to reconciliation somehow, Dean grabbed an extra blanket from the hall closet and draped it over his little brother before shutting the door behind himself and making his way to the living room again to wait for Cas. 

Part of him wanted to attempt to go to sleep to avoid the inevitable discussion that he and Cas were going to have about Seattle. He knew he’d never be able to actually fall asleep with Cas still out and if by some small miracle he could fall asleep there was no doubt Cas would wake him up to talk. There was no getting out of it. 

At almost eleven, Dean heard Cas walk though the front door and lock each deadbolt into place. He set his mug of the nasty herbal tea Cas kept pushing him to drink before bed, onto the coffee table and waited for Cas to come join him in the living room. 

He knew by the sound of Cas’s feet that the other man was heading towards the bathroom first to settle into his pajamas and go through his night routine before having their talk. It meant he was leaving no room for an interruption for this talk and Dean cowered a little, still not having a solid excuse for why he’d applied for a job halfway across the country. 

Cas was wearing Dean’s pajamas—something he’d taken to doing recently—a pair of soft grey sweats with holes in the knees, and an oversized metalica t-shirt from the time Dean and Sam were mostly living on McDonalds and Dean’s metabolism decided to come to a screeching halt… and still the overly baggy clothes on Cas, jolted something in Dean’s belly. Cas was so fucking beautiful. Even when Dean was nervous as all hell when the couch dipped beside him. Dean braced himself for however Cas would start the interrogation. 

“Sam asleep?” 

Apparently, distracting him with small talk was Cas’s plan of action and Dean was cool with rolling with it if it meant avoiding their talk a little longer. He watched as Cas pulled his legs under him and reached down for Dean’s abandoned mug of tea. 

“Yeah. Conked out about an hour ago.” 

Cas hummed and sipped from the lukewarm drink. “Did Claire go down easy?” 

“Yeah. She didn’t give me any issues.” 

“Good.” Cas smiled before shuffling over to Dean’s side of the couch, pressing their sides together and leaning in. Dean automatically wrapped his arm around his shoulders, letting Cas move even closer. 

“Start talking.” Cas prompted without preamble, now that they were settled close. 

Dean figured it was Cas’s tactic. He knew the other man wasn’t dumb. That Cas had to be aware of Dean’s inability to deny Cas anything, within reason. Yet Dean still tried to remain stubborn with his quick response of “no.” 

It was inevitable that Cas would win this battle; Dean was always destined to give into Cas. And he was a gonner when Cas took Dean’s unoccupied hand and started idly playing with his fingers. Thumbing over the top of Dean’s ring finger for a beat longer than the rest.

“Talk to me” 

It was the soft voice that did Dean in. Always. Cas never pressured him into talking when Dean truly didn’t want to, but his infinite amounts of patience made Dean want to divulge every secret to him. He trusted Cas in a way he could never see himself trusting another person. 

“It’s stupid.” He started, not yet knowing how he wanted to explain this situation to his best friend. 

“Tell me anyway.” 

“I just—I was just looking.” Dean said honestly. Because that’s how it really had all started. “You know I hate this place, so I was applying for jobs away from here for shits, you know? I found one in Seattle, it’s nothing big, but it pays more than I get now. And I was thinking that me, you, and Sammy could finally get out of this place and start new.” 

Dean chose not to share what else he had hoped could start new in their lives. He wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. He waited for a moment to see if Cas would simply accept that as an answer, but the silent, contemplative look told Dean that Cas was still waiting for further explanation. 

“It wouldn’t start for another month,” He continued. “And I haven’t really looked at places because I wanted to run it by you and Sam first. But—now? Now it just sounds like a stupid idea. We have way too much going on so it’s not even worth talking about. I was gonna turn them down in the next few days and just wait it out here I guess. Or... I did see that the hospital had a janitor position opening and they pay 14 an hour, which is more than I make now. That could be good too.” 

He looked over at Cas, hopeful that the conversation could be over now. He explained the situation and detailed why it couldn’t work and provided some other solutions. It was all very adult and he thought Cas would be proud of that. But instead of praising Dean’s eloquence, Cas frowned deeply. 

“Or we can make it work.” 

“Cas…” 

“No, Dean, let’s talk about this some more. What’s the job?” 

“Just a school aide… it’d be helping with recess and maybe some teachers if they ever needed it. They said I could even be paired with a student who might need more help. Not the type of job you move across the country for.” 

“You should take it anyway.” The optimistic in Cas’s expression was almost startling. 

“Cas, what? No I shouldn’t. That’s an awful idea.” 

“Why?” 

Dean pulled away a little, and shot Cas a look of disbelief. “Uh for starters, we don’t have any money?”

Cas frowned deeply at Dean’s condescending tone so Dean reeled it in as he continued. “My savings could have gotten us there and into a place for a couple months. But now with Claire? We still need a crib, and a stroller, and new clothes, and diapers, and formula, and bottles, and whatever the hell else we haven’t thought of yet. We’ve already spent double what we usually allow ourselves to spend in a month and it’s only been two days. How would we possibly afford to put up first month’s rent, rent a moving truck, pay for gas on a nearly 3 day trip considering we have a baby, and pay for everything her and Sammy still need in the meantime? We can’t afford to do it all Cas. It’s just not possible right now.” 

“But I can apply for jobs right away. If I can find something now then we won’t have to worry about just living off your income until I find something.” 

“And what about school?” Dean pointed out. “I didn’t even think about you being in the middle of a semester.” 

“I’ll drop and switch to online classes. It’s not too late for some classes.” 

“No.” 

Cas breathed deeply. “Dean.” 

“No. It’s just not going to happen right now. You have school and we have Claire and Sam to think about. We just need to stay and find something else later.” 

“But this is something you want!” Cas cried, and suddenly Dean noticed his best friend was shaking, his eyes a little wild. “We can make it work.” 

“Cas, it’s okay.” 

“It’s not!” He sounded panicked. “You shouldn’t have to give this all up because of me.” 

“I’m not giving anything up. It was just an idea to get us out of this town.” 

“You should go.” Cas exclaimed in one breath. It made Dean’s heart beat in an adrenaline-fueled terror. 

“What?” 

“You take Sam and you go. And I’ll stay with Claire and—and I’ll finish out the semester and then come meet you both there. It’d only be a few months but it will be better—” 

Cas was rabbling now, spilling words faster than Dean’s mind could keep up, yet each syllable cut deep into Dean’s heart. Was Cas really telling Dean to leave him? 

“You’re going to stop talking right now.” Dean cut him off, heart in his throat. “Because if you think for a second I’m willing to move across the country without you and not see you for nearly 4 months, then you’re delusional. We either all go together or don’t go at all.” 

“We’ll all move then.” 

“Stop.” 

“We’ll move! We can make this work!” 

“Cas.” Dean chided. 

“No! Please Dean. Let me do this for you! You’re helping me with Claire and you’ve been so amazing to even consider that and I just—I need to do this for you. I know money will be tight, I know we’re going to be broke but please. I have to do this for you.” 

Dean had never seen Cas in such a panic (circumstances with Claire notwithstanding), and it had Dean reaching out towards the man who was now on the complete opposite side of the couch form him, nearly curled in on himself. 

“Come here. Why are you so upset?” 

Cas moved slowly back into Dean’s outstretched arms, still trembling. 

“You have dreams and you’re not getting them because of me.” Cas explained in a hoarse whisper. “I don’t want you to look back later and hate me because you gave up everything for me.” 

Dean pulled Cas tighter against him until Cas’s head rested perfectly in the crook of his neck. “The same way you gave it up for me when my dad left?” 

“I didn’t—“ Cas tried to pull away but Dean didn’t let him. 

“Full ride to USC.” Dean cut in. “Don’t think I didn’t know about that.” 

“You were more important.” 

Dean reached down to lace his fingers with Cas’s. “Just like this family is more important to me than moving across the country.” 

“Let me do this for you. Let’s just do it.” 

“I’ll think about.”

“Dean…” 

“I said I’ll think about it.” Dean repeated, even though both he and Cas knew that Dean had made up his mind. Yet still… “I still have another day until I promised I’d give them an answer.” 

Cas didn’t push Dean to talk further and Dean didn’t know if that was because he was upset or had no more arguing points. Dean knew that the conversation wasn’t completely finished, they’d have to have a recap with Sammy, and Cas never backed down from things so easily. Despite that, Dean knew what he had to do for the sake of his family. 

He turned down Seattle the next day on his lunch break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of you wanted them to go to Seattle, and a big part of me did too if I'm being honest. It just didn't seem plausible with their circumstances. In all reality, they're two 20 year olds, raising a 16 year old with an infant, both working jobs that pay next to nothing. They're smart about their money but I can't imagine being that young and already a wizard at finances. But there is hope for them moving SOMEWHERE in the future!! 
> 
> I also wanted to say that I'm sorry for taking so long to update. Life has been pretty busy lately and it's a lot more difficult to keep up with 3 different fics than I thought it would be. Truthfully I've lacked a lot of motivation in finishing (and editing) these, but not because I don't love these stories. I will continue them (even Homegrown) but it might take me a while with the updates.


	5. Chapter 5

Life refused to slow down for them even though they really needed it to. With work and school and midnight feedings and the fact that Castiel was giving Dean the silent treatment for turning down Seattle too soon, everyone was currently a big pile of stress. 

It hadn’t even been a week and the feeling of not being able to catch up overwhelmed Dean to the point his skin was crawling. The dishes were not done, the laundry was an ever-growing pile, and the only reason the trash had even been taken out was because the smell of poopy diapers was nauseating—that hardly even scratched the surface to be honest. And to top it all off, Dean, Sam, and Cas were all struggling to keep their eyes open. If they’d gotten twenty hours of sleep combined in the past few days, Dean would genuinely be surprised. 

To say they hadn’t figured Claire out quite yet would be a huge understatement. She’d cry and they wouldn’t know how to soothe her. She’d fuss and they wouldn’t know why. They’d finally be settled in bed and she’d be awake again. Dean had never in his life searched the internet so much before, trying to find any and all answers to ‘what the hell is wrong with my baby now?’ He felt hysterical and each day Cas withheld the only refuge Dean sought, simply talking at the end of the night, Dean thought he was going to break. 

It had been four days. Four days of shut out. Of not speaking except for the topic of Sam and Claire, of sleeping in separate beds again, and pretending like they both weren’t suffering for it. And of course instead of doing the reasonable thing, actually talking it out, Dean continued to ignore the problem, waiting for Cas to give in. 

_At least he’s still making me lunch,_ Dean thought to himself as he begrudgingly bit into the half-hearted ham and cheese sandwich Cas all but threw at him as he walked out the door. Neither of them was particularly good at admitting when they’d overreacted. He figured he could hold out one more day and see if Cas cracked before Dean would have to suck it up and admit he was going insane without his best friend. 

An annoying chiming sound caught his attention just then. He fumbled with his phone on the table before he managed to get it to his ear and hold it between his shoulder. 

“Hello?” he mumbled, mouth still full from his last bite. 

“May I speak to Dean Winchester?” 

He swallowed quickly. “That’s me.” 

“This is Megan Burns at Roman and Crowley Law. We apologize for the delay in returning your message. Do you have a moment to speak with Mr. Crowley at this time? Or should I call back at a more convenient date?” 

He felt himself sit up straighter. He’d hoped Cas would be around when he got this phone call but he’d just catch him up when he got home. “I can speak now.” 

“One moment while I transfer you to his line.” 

There was hardly half a verse of wait music before he heard a familiar voice pick up. “Crowley speaking.” 

“Hey-hi. Uhm. Hi Mr. Crowley, this is Dean Winchester, I worked with you a little over two years ago.” 

“I remember. I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. What can I do for you?” 

He wished he hadn’t been caught off guard. For a second he floundered for what to say, still trying to get a hold of this ‘talking on the phone to grown up things’ he’d had to do ever since he was awarded legal guardianship of Sam. (Seriously, calling doctors and school and such was really intimidating—sue him). He worried how the whole situation would sound to Mr. Crowley. What would Dean even say he and Cas were to each other? Roommates? Best friends? Boyfriends? What made this situation sound less dysfunctional when he had to say that Cas had an infant dropped off and his feet and now planned to raise said infant with Dean? 

It all sounded kind of fucked. 

“Oh uh, this is… this is about my—my partner. He’s not with me right now—I’m at work. Is that okay?” 

“I’ll try not to take up too much of your time. What is it you think I can help your partner with?” 

“His ex-girlfriend had a baby and didn’t tell him about it and then last weekend she kind of dropped the kid off with us and left.” He paused for a beat, wishing he could see Mr. Crowley’s reaction in person. “We’ve committed to taking care of her but we don’t know what to do, legally speaking, with this whole situation or where to go from here really.” 

“Well you did the right thing in calling me.” Mr. Crowley reassured, leaving no judgment in his voice. Dean had liked the guy the last time he worked with him. Mr. Crowley never judged Dean based on his age, he just did his job to the best of his ability to ensure Sam would be in Dean’s sole care after John tapped out on parenting. “I’d like to set up a meeting with your partner so that I can meet and ask him some follow up questions. Would you know if tomorrow at 9am would work for him?” 

“We’ll make it work. Does uh—does the mom need to be there too? We uh—we can’t get ahold of her right now.” 

“I see… but no, she does not need to be there. I will see you and, or just your partner tomorrow morning at 9. Thank you Mr. Winchester.” 

“Thank you, sir.” 

With a click the phone call was finished and Dean was left wondering what to do. He would have liked to have called Cas right then but his lunch was already up and he needed to get back to work. So he settled on waiting until he got home. He set a reminder in his phone as quickly as he could before heading out on a radio call to put more paper in the copy room. 

He really was ready to stow his crap and talk everything out with Cas as he walked through the front door that night. He greeted Sam in his room, who was working on his homework like the diligent student he was, before Dean went to seek out said best friend. He found the guy changing Claire’s diaper on the living room floor, somehow having mastered changing them far quicker than Dean and Sam had—likely due to his adamancy that he bear that burden more than the brothers. (Dean couldn’t complain on that one much, feeding duties were far less gag-inducing). 

Claire was babbling happily up at her father, flailing her arms up and down as she spoke complete nonsense. The last guy Dean had ever imagined succumbing to ‘baby talk’ was there speaking back to the little girl, just as enthusiastically, asking her about her day and pretending she was telling him the most interesting story he’d ever heard. Dean knew Cas had fallen in love with his kid on day one, but each day that passed, each new bout of cuteness from her or small pitiful whimper of sadness, Dean could see Cas’s heart melt. The man had a lot of love to give, and Dean knew it was only a matter of time that he’d be wrapped around his daughter’s finger—if he wasn’t already. 

Cas was smiling down at Claire with his special smile, when Dean walked into the room and tried to make nice with a shy, “Hey.”

The smile immediately slipped from Cas’s face as his shoulders tensed. He turned his body away, trying to pretend he hadn’t even heard Dean. 

And see, Dean liked to think that he wasn’t a hot head, that he could keep his cool even when his best fucking friend was being the pettiest fucking butt head in the world. But Cas just seemed to know how to push his buttons. 

Jerk. 

“Hey jackass.” Dean snipped. “Just wanted to let you know Crowley called and he wants to meet with you at 9 in the morning tomorrow. Told him you’d be there. I won’t put you out by making you speak to me like a grown up so I’ll just leave the info on the counter. Make your own damn dinner.” 

Dean didn’t wait to hear Cas’s response, just shouted towards the bedroom, “Sammy! Let’s go. You and me are going out to eat!” Before slamming the front door behind himself and settling to wait in the car for his brother. Maybe it had been his tone, because it took less than two minutes for Sam to come rushing out the front door and down the stairs of the apartment complex. 

Damn, Dean _really_ owed Sam a cookie or something, but he knew his little brother better than that. So without any discussion Dean flipped the car into gear and started on his way to the Pita place Sam always raved about. He knew it wasn’t some grand gesture but he still hoped the rabbit food would help show Sam just how sorry Dean was for being a shit brother over the past week. 

Dean knew that Sam knew better than to ask any questions until Dean had a fair amount of time to stew in his annoyance. The teenager waited until Sam’s Greek salad with extra veggies on top (like who does that?) and Dean’s double-met gyro, with extra tzatziki (that stuff is bomb), was planted in front of them before playing the grown up of the two. 

“How long is this going to go on?” 

“What?” 

The bitch face Sam gave him was pristine. “The whole you and Cas being babies thing.” 

“I wanted it to end today but he was being an ass.” Dean mumbled into his gyro, thinking back to the pettiness his best friend can possess sometimes—fucking turning his back on Dean as he’s trying to speak. Not fucking speaking to Dean, in the first place, just because Dean was trying to be, you know, _responsible_ (le-gasp)! “He knows I had to turn down the job. I don’t see why he’s being a dumb shit about this.” 

Sam popped an entire forkful of onion, olive, and cucumber into his mouth. “Have you ever stopped to think maybe he’s not actually mad about the job?” 

“Of course he’s mad about the job!”

His kid brother’s eyes narrowed. “Right.” He said, acting all freaking high and mighty like he understood what was really going on between Dean and Cas. Well new flash Sammy, Dean knew too. Cas was an ass and Dean didn’t do anything the fuck wrong! 

“Do tell, oh wise one. Grant me your high school level wisdom on what’s really going on between Cas and I. ” Dean said, leveling his brother with a mocking glare. It fell short though when Sam’s face fell, just enough, before snapping back into a passive stare. 

“Jerk.” 

It was that small change in features that had Dean feeling guilty. Why did he always let his mouth run when he was so angry? He knew it was only a matter of time before he displaced his anger on someone else. God damn, he was a jerk. He knew Sam was just trying to help and the kid was so damn smart he probably did know what the real driving factor to why Cas was being so standoffish these past few days—hell if Dean looked past his own annoyance he knew the real reason too. 

At this rate Sam was going to be getting a freaking puppy for Christmas like he’d been begging for since he was six. 

“Fuck. I’m sorry—seriously. Sam, I’m sorry. I know you’re just trying to help! I don’t even know why I always take it out on you when you do try to help. And… damnit I keep forgetting that I’m not the only one stressing the fuck out here. You’ve got a lot on your plate too.” 

“It’s okay.” Sam shrugged, but Dean wasn’t okay with the casual acceptance. 

“It’s not though. I mean with school and Claire and you now playing mediator between me and Cas… I’m sorry for doing this to you.” 

“I don’t mind.” Sam assured. Even though he was picking through the toppings of salad left in his bowl, surely still hurt by Dean’s words, Sam also looked far more understanding of the situation than Dean deserved. “I just want you two to stop being mad at each other over nothing. It’s making you both miserable and you kind of need each other more than ever right now. Claire is cute and all but she’s already way more work than I think any of us thought she’d be.” 

“That’s an understatement.” 

“How are you—how are you doing with that?” 

“With Claire?” 

Sam nodded carefully, seeming to worry that he was going to broach a subject Dean didn’t want to talk about. And maybe Dean didn’t but he couldn’t keep pushing Sam aside about stuff and with Cas not talking to him, Dean didn’t have anyone to vent to right now. Not that he’d talk about this particular topic with Cas. 

“Yeah…. With her being Amelia’s kid and everything?” 

“It still kind of stings…” Dean answered honestly. He fought the urge to burry his head in his arms over the table. Because you know what? It still fucking stung. He just wanted to be with Cas but life had other plans. “Why’d she have to show up that day? Why’d it have to be the day I was gonna ask him… you know?” 

“You should…. You should still ask him.” Sam suggested, shoulders squared, ready for Dean’s rebuttal. 

“He’d say no.” 

“Dean! Cas loves you.” Sam’s voice was so sure in that statement it made something red-hot surge through Dean’s chest, warming him to the core. “He wants to be with you.” 

Dean closed his eyes and just thought for a moment. He knew Sammy wasn’t wrong. 

He felt it in the way Cas trailed his fingers across Dean’s back as he passed him in the kitchen. He felt in in the way Cas watched over him as Dean always fell asleep first. He felt it in the way no other embrace made his whole body tingle with the feeling of contentment. Cas did want to be with him but the timing… it was just off. 

“I know,” he conceded, “but I also know that if I asked him he’d think it’s out of pity or that he’d be tying me down to a situation I don’t want. You know how he is. He’s probably been freaking out, thinking he’s a burden to us since the moment Amelia dumped Claire in his lap.” 

“But that’s not how you feel, right?” 

“Of course not.” Dean whispered, lost in thought a little. How he felt was hard to put into words. He knew he was young, but he didn’t feel twenty years old. He felt old enough to know that Claire wasn’t a deal breaker and that if he and Cas did give it all a go… it’d probably be something good. Amazing even. “I love him Sam. I just want to be with him, Claire and all.” 

“You need to make him see that.” 

He smiled fondly, feeling his annoyance with Cas finally settle. “Maybe if the ass hat would talk to me.” Dean said, mostly to pacify Sam. He still felt that it just wasn’t the right time. Knew that they needed to get their footing again and feel more comfortable with caring for Claire before Dean could break out the whole ‘Hey, you wanna maybe spend the rest of your life with me and only me?’ But they _were_ going to be together, Dean felt certain of that. 

Currently, though, he just wanted to be able to talk to his best friend again. That was step number one. 

Sammy must have been on Dean’s same wavelength because the second the thought filtered through Dean’s mind, Sammy stood up to take their food to the trashcans. “Come on. We’re going home and you two are gonna make up.” 

Thank god there was at least one grown up in their family. 

When they walked in the front door Cas was pacing near the entry almost like he was waiting for them. Dean figured Sam had texted the other man telling him they were almost home—sneaky brat. 

“Cas—“ Dean tried to say but he much time to say anything else before Cas practically tackled him, throwing him off balance as all six foot of the other man wrapped around Dean’s neck. 

“I’m sorry….” Cas whispered into the juncture of Dean’s neck. Dean couldn’t resist wrapping his arms tightly around Cas’s waist, pulling him as flush against his body as possible. 

“Can you stop being pissed at me?” Dean asked, relishing in the sweet clean scent of their 2-in-1 shampoo mixed with the fabric softener they use—the one with the little bear because Cas thinks it’s cute—that somehow just seemed to smell so much better on Cas. 

“Yeah, I can stop.” 

A wave of relief washed over him knowing that he could now cuddle up on the couch after a long day and just vent about his day. Well after they actually, you know, used their words to talk about why there was a four day shut out to begin with. 

Dean pulled back just enough to look Cas in the eye, knowing that the other man had more to say. 

“I wasn’t even—I’m not even mad at you, Dean. I just overreacted because I’m so mad at this situation.” 

“Cas—“ 

“You just shouldn’t have had to turn it down.” His voice was so frustrated that Dean couldn’t help but pull Cas back against himself. 

“It wasn’t meant to be.” He reassured, running his hand up and down Cas’s back. “There’ll be something else someday that will be better for us.”

“I just feel like I’m screwing everything up for you. You shouldn’t have to give up the things you want because of me.” 

“I’ve told you over and over that I’m not giving anything up.” He pulled back again and took Cas by the hand, pulling them over to their lumpy couch. He didn’t start talking again until Cas was cradled between his legs, back to Dean’s chest. “Seattle was just a whim. It wasn’t like I had everything riding on it. I’d rather sit tight and figure out something that works for all of us in the long run. We have to be smart about what we do now… I mean we have two kids now.” He said the last part with a chuckle, feeling Cas’s small laugh thump against his chest. 

It took Cas a while to speak again and Dean was okay with the silence. He let Cas idly played with Dean’s hands, trailing his fingers over each of Dean’s, the minutes ticking away as Castiel gathered his thoughts. It was nearly ten minutes before Cas intertwined their hands together, sighing heavily before speaking. “Can I be honest for a second?” 

“You saying you weren’t before?” Dean tried to tease. 

Cas huffed and shoved back gently against Dean’s chest, “I’m being serious here.” 

Dean took that moment to wrap his arms around Cas’s torso, hands still connected, pulling Cas even tighter to himself. Cas all but melted against him, settling back into the embrace like it’s where he belonged. (It was). Dean rested his cheek against Cas’s and whispered against his ear, “Of course you can be honest.” 

“I can’t stop thinking about the future. Sam’s future, Claire’s future—“ He gripped their hands tighter. “—our future… and I just keep thinking that this here—this place isn’t enough for what I want to come of that future. I want to see Sam with peers that challenge him and push him to be greater than he is. I want Claire to grow up in a place that I’d feel safe taking her to the park to play. I want to live in a home where you don’t feel compelled to check the windows and locks three times before feeling safe enough to fall asleep. 

“I just—I’ve decided that I truly want to move. And before you say anything… I’m not saying tomorrow or even this month but I would ideally like to be away from here before Christmas. I guess I just want to know if you’d be willing to think about this seriously with me?” 

He was speechless and he wasn’t sure if it was due to excitement or fear or both. The very thought that maybe, just maybe they could do this—that they could think and talk as a family and figure out a way to get out of this hell hole, it made Dean’s heart soar. But he had to step back for a second to try and think responsibly. He couldn’t just jump feet first into this like his instincts wanted him to. He had to ask, “What about school?” 

“I talked to my advisor and she said it shouldn’t be a problem to get me enrolled in online courses for next semester.” 

“You’re serious about this?” 

“I am.” Cas assured, sounding so certain that Dean felt himself grow hopeful. “However, I want us to talk with Sam about it first, we shouldn’t make a decision like this without him.” 

“… okay. Okay. We’ll run it by him. Talk as a family.” Dean wondered if Cas could feel Dean’s heart thrumming excitedly in his chest. 

“But…” Nerves found their way into Cas’s voice now. “We should wait until after the meeting with Mr. Crowley tomorrow. You know, to see if it’d even be possible to move with Claire right now.” 

“Right.” Dean deflated for a moment, feeling stupid for forgetting about the biggest reason they weren’t moving this very second. 

If he were being honest, he wasn’t even sure if them having Claire with them right now was actually legal. Cas wasn’t on her birth certificate, so what right did they have to keep her with them until his paternity was confirmed? _And_ what if when they went to get custody of her, Amelia changed her mind and decided she wanted to be part of Claire’s life? Would they be able to move out of state with her? There were just so many questions Dean had and virtually zero Google results for them. His thought process left him spitting out, “We should probably start writing down all our questions so you don’t forget about them by the time we get there.” 

Maybe it was the way Dean said it, but Cas tensed against his chest. “You’ll be there tomorrow, right?” He sounded worried, as if Dean would leave him to do this on his own. 

“If you want me there.” 

“Please,” Cas pleaded. “I need you there.” 

Even if Cas was still not speaking with him, there was never even a chance that Dean would’ve let Cas go to the meeting by himself. They were a team no matter what. 

Instinctively, he pressed a kiss beneath Cas’s ear. “Yeah, I’ll be there.” He promised. 

The unspoken _always_ was left floating in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, they're so it love. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Since I've never been through a custody battle and I don't know anyone working in family law... like Dean, I am struggling to find any google results that match a situation like this one and to even figure out what the heck happens during a custody arrangement! So I just want to say that when the next chapter is posted, it will have parts of their meeting with Crowley and discussing what to do about custody but most of it is purely based on my imagination. I hope that will be okay :) 
> 
> ANYWAY!! In case you missed it, I posted a Part 2 to He Wouldn't be Gone!!! It's called: [Every Time I Hear That Song](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13178964) It's in Cas's POV and I'm pretty happy with it. I hope you all enjoy[ed] it as well. <3 
> 
> I love you all!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Meeting with Crowley had been the first step in everything. They’d gone in together, nervous as all get out but came out feeling reassured. Crowley had been helpful and understanding, answering all of their questions with useful information. He didn’t seem to judge the two boys for wanting to raise a baby together—he even seemed supportive of it, referring to Dean as Castiel’s partner—but mostly he did what he was there for. He discussed the legal stuff necessary so that they’d be able to raise Claire the way they saw fit. Coming out of the meeting both Cas and Dean knew what they needed to do and what they should expect from every situation that could arise. It was comforting having someone so knowledgeable on their side when everything else was a mess in their lives. 

Their second step, after meeting with Crowley, was taken care of fairly quickly. After getting an appointment at a clinic, they’d received Cas’s paternity results back within two weeks and indeed he was the father. ( _“Did you really doubt that she’d be yours? Come on Cas, look at that chin and those eyes. That’s all you daddy.”_ ) 

The third step came with more challenge than the rest. Crowley had expressed to the boys that his wish for them was the whole process going as smoothly as possible. His best case scenario would be getting in contact with Amelia and having her sign custody over to Castiel. No muss, no fuss. The problem they all faced was the fact that Amelia Novak had practically fallen off the grid. 

All of her and Castiel’s mutual friends hadn’t heard from her but after three weeks of hearing the same “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve heard from her in like six months,” Castiel was sick and tired of not being able to reach her. He’d been trying to avoid pulling out the big guns but both he and Dean realized that he had no choice; they simply had to get in contact with his ex. 

So, Castiel had to man up and drive to Amelia’s parents’ house. It had been his very last resort but after a long discussion, deciding if it was even worth it, Dean convinced Cas that the confrontation now would far outweigh court hearings. 

Castiel took Claire with him to their house, in hopes to butter them up, and sat down with them to explain why he wanted to get in touch with Amelia. It wasn’t without a lot of groveling and apologizing for putting their daughter in such a precarious position that her parents finally agreed to give Castiel her new address. It took him quite a few more days to build up the nerve to actually go see her. Every time Dean thought his friend was ready, Cas would back out, telling Dean that he was terrified Amelia would have changed her mind and would want custody of Claire still. 

But Castiel said owed it to his daughter to try. 

That’s how Dean found himself standing next to the Impala outside of a run down townhouse as Castiel nervously approached the front door. Dean knew he didn’t need to be there, but Castiel had asked him to. He was mostly there for moral support but also there to make sure that everything between Castiel and Amelia stayed civil. 

They waited in their respective spots about three minutes before the front door opened, revealing a nervous looking young woman. She eyed Cas warily, not seeming to notice Dean by the car. 

From the shadows of the door, Dean hardly recognized Castiel’s ex. She looked worn and skittish, like she’d run into very hard times and perhaps some hard substances. 

“Castiel? What are you doing here?” She seemed scared of what he would say. 

There was a pregnant pause, as Castiel presumably looked Amelia over, no doubt worrying about her wellbeing as Dean was.

“I reasoned that you’d be less likely to hang up on me if I showed up in person.” 

She looked around, suddenly noticing Dean by the Impala and seemed to shrink in on herself, hugging her arms across her waist. “How’d you find me?” 

“I went to see your parents and explained why I was looking for you. They sent me your way.” 

Amelia showed no signs of inviting Castiel inside, which didn’t surprise Dean. By the looks of it, she was doing what she could to close off the inside of her home from prying eyes. Dean figured her home might be in the same state as her outward appearance. What had happened to her?

Her parents hadn’t cut her off, Dean knew that from what Castiel had relayed from his conversation with them, but her parents had shown great dissatisfaction towards her pregnancy. They’d wanted her to keep the baby, perhaps marry Cas, and live a simple life. When Amelia did none of that and subsequently rejected raising Claire, her parents were even less pleased with her. It wasn’t a big surprise when their disappointment led to Amelia shutting them out as she had all of her friends and refusing any and all of their help.

Dean worried what the girl had to do to get by. 

“What do you want?” Amelia asked, now sounding more dejected than resentful. 

“I couldn’t place Claire for adoption.” Dean heard Castiel admit. Though Cas was doing his best to sound confident, Dean could hear the worry laced in his tone. “I couldn’t do it…. I didn’t want to. Amelia, I wish to raise her myself. I just need you to give your consent.” 

Another long pause fell between the two at the door. For a moment Dean thought Amelia would slam the door shut. 

“I don’t want to see her.” 

“I’m not asking you to.” Castiel explained plainly. 

“No. I don’t mean now.” Amelia moved further out the door, sounding more certain in her words now. “What I mean is that I don’t want her to come looking for me someday.” 

A pang of sadness surged through Dean’s heart for his little girl. He knew it in his gut that Claire was going to grow up feisty and inquisitive. Of course she was bound to wonder; of course she was bound to be jealous of other girls who grew up with their moms. He just hoped that he and Cas would be what she needed, and would hopefully never leave her to feel as if she were missing something from not having a mother. 

Apparently Castiel had the same thoughts. “I can’t predict the future, but I’ll do my best to ensure she doesn’t feel the need to look for you.” 

“I didn’t want a kid. I never wanted a kid.” Amelia admitted. The words came out hoarse, like she were close to tears—Dean couldn’t tell if that were the case but Castiel had inched closer, looking like he wanted to reach out and comfort. 

“I know. All I’m asking is for you to give me sole custody and you’ll never hear from me again.” 

“You want this? You really want to be a dad?” 

“I do.” Cas’s words were resoundingly sincere. He meant it with his whole heart. “It’s unexpected but I really love her.” 

Even from his vantage point by the car Dean could see the pain in Amelia’s eyes, a mixture of sadness, longing, guilt, and perhaps relief. Some part of him understood that she loved her child too. Loved her enough to know she wasn’t good for her. Loved Claire enough to let her go.

“I’ll do whatever you need,” Amelia said after a moment, “just—just tell me what I have to do. I’ll do it.” 

Dean could practically feel the tension drain out of Cas’s shoulders. “I just need your phone number and either myself or my lawyer will call you with a time to get everything signed.” 

“Okay.” She nodded blankly for a few minutes, processing what was going on. She punched her number into Castiel’s phone when he held it out to her. 

It was when Dean thought she was finally going to back away into the house that she spoke again. “Is she—is she doing okay?” 

“She’s doing great.” Castiel replied with reverence. 

“And you two,” Amelia nodded over Cas’s shoulder, making eye contact with Dean from across the driveway, “you’re together now?” 

At that moment Castiel followed Amelia’s eyes and looked over his shoulder. He smiled fondly when he saw Dean watching him. Dean knew Cas’s answer before it fell from his lips and he turned back to Amelia. 

“We are.” 

A faint smile crossed her lips. “Good. You’ll do good with her. Both of you.” 

It was obvious that Castiel wanted to say more. Knowing his best friend, the man probably wanted to ensure that she was taken care of and safe but Amelia had closed herself off with her posture again. Cas seemed to take that as a dismissal. “I’ll call you soon, Amelia. Take care of yourself.” 

“Right. Bye Castiel… Dean.” She said with a nod his way. Then she was gone behind her door.

* * *

Crowley didn’t waste any time. It was less than a week that Castiel and Amelia were sitting down in a room Dean wasn’t allowed in, discussing the arrangements. 

Dean knew from the valiant attempt Castiel made at explaining everything beforehand that Amelia wasn’t completely signing over her rights since that was a more complicated process but she was giving him sole custody. Dean also knew that somewhere down the line if, perhaps, a future step parent wanted to adopt Claire that they would have to work with Amelia in officially relinquishing her rights. But until that day came it wasn’t necessary to go through the hassle. Castiel had also explained that so long as he were the sole guardian, that they could move wherever they so pleased—this seemed to be highly important in Cas’s opinion.

Dean sat waiting in a drafty hallway, wishing he’d at least had Claire with him to keep him company as he waited for his partner and his partner’s ex to get a bunch of legal papers signed. 

His partner. 

For nearly a month he’d grown accustomed to using that phrase when referring to Cas, and it’d started to stick. Nothing had necessarily progressed between them in regards to a romantic relationship. They held hands more often now, even in public, and their hugs were deeper, more meaningful, but they’d yet to move past that. Dean of course longed to kiss him, just one simple kiss even. He just hadn’t had the guts. 

So many times there’d been a perfect opportunity but something stopped him. He knew Castiel was waiting for him to make the first move but he just couldn’t do it yet. 

Deep down he thought he knew why. 

He was waiting. Not waiting to see if they were right for each other, he already knew Cas was the one… but waiting to make sure he could really provide a good life for Cas, Sam, and Claire. He wanted so badly to settle their little family down, get them a good house with good schools, and make sure everyone was taken care of before he allowed himself to have it all. 

Slowly they were getting there, if the proceedings in the other room were anything to go by. Soon Cas would officially get to call Claire all his and then he and Dean would be able to sit down with Sam and finally ask him about moving. They hadn’t wanted to bring it up until they knew things with the custody were squared away. 

Speaking of Sam… He checked his phone for the hundredth time, contemplating texting his brother yet again to ask if Claire was okay. 

He was seriously missing that little booger more than he’d ever thought he could. Even now that she’d been with them for over a month, he still found himself thinking about her during the day as he worked. He really couldn’t deny that he’d definitely fallen in love. How could he not when she had these heart melting little coos of delight whenever one of them came into her line of sight? Or when she snuggled her little head right in the crook of his neck when he was holding her as she fell fast asleep? 

His little Claire-Bear was such a snuggle bug. He’d never say those words within earshot of Sam and Cas but damnit, she was just so stinkin’ cute! Definitely even more so now that she’d grown comfortable with them and could sleep through the night without a problem. Well most nights. Some days he still thought an IV drip of coffee would be necessary to survive. 

Lack of sleep or not, their little family had even mostly settled into a routine. After about two weeks of owing Madison’s mother the biggest solid, they’d found a woman near Cas’s campus who ran a small in-home daycare. She wasn’t horribly expensive and she had good reviews from other parents and miraculously they managed to get Claire into her care. Every morning Dean and Cas woke up, got lunches and diaper bags situated for the day, woke Sam up, then all went their separate ways until dinner time. Cas still worked nights at the gas station so that’s when Dean got Claire bathed and ready for bed. He knew Cas hated not being the one to tuck her in at night but Dean knew that someway somehow things were going to get better for them. 

Something told him it was gonna happen, soon too. 

A loud click echoed throughout the empty corridor. Dean looked up just in time to see Castiel and Amelia walking out of the room looking equal parts relieved and overwhelmed. For a moment Dean thought the pair would say something, yet nothing but a terse nod transpired between them before Amelia’s feet clicked away against the tile. 

Before Dean could even ask what that was all about, Castiel’s arms were around his neck. Dean could feel the joy off the other man. 

“Congratulations, sweetheart.” He whispered as he nuzzled into the crook of Cas’s neck. His partner just pulled him tighter into the hug. 

“She’s ours now. Officially.” 

Dean’s heart warmed at the statement. “Let’s go home to her, shall we?” 

Of course Cas’s response was an enthusiastic head nod. 

After rushing home (safely of course), Castiel swooped into the living room and scooped up his daughter pressing kisses all over her chubby cheeks. Immediately happy squeals filled the room. Dean just stood back and admired the sight. 

“Looks like someone is happy to see her Papa.” 

“Her Papa who gets to keep her forever and ever.” Cas responded, nearly crushing the baby girl to his chest.

“I take it everything went well?” Sam asked from his spot on the couch, a broad grin covering his face. 

As Castiel started explaining all the legal jargon to Sam, Dean’s phone rang in his pocket. He quickly excused himself to take it in his and Cas’s room, too distracted by how happy Castiel looked to pay attention to the caller. 

“Hello?” 

“Did you forget how to pick up a phone?” A gruff voice boomed from the other end. Dean’s face lit up in a splitting grin.

“Bobby!” 

“Yeah, it’s Bobby!” The older man sounded only half-annoyed. “Boy, I’ve been worried about you for the past month. Usually you check in more than this. What’s happening?” 

Dean felt a wave of guilt wash over him. Bobby Singer had been there for him and Sam growing up. When John was sober and less likely to throw a tantrum over having people meddle in his life, Bobby would come around and take Dean and Sam to baseball games and car races. Dean knew Bobby had even tried to convince John to let the boys live with him more than a few times, but John had been stubborn as a bull. It never stopped Bobby from checking in, almost weekly, to make sure that Sam and Dean were doing alright. Without fail he even made sure to come out and see them no less than two times a year. 

Dean felt bad that he hadn’t thought to call Bobby these past few weeks. 

“So much… so much has been going on…” 

Of course Dean’s words left Bobby to worry. “You okay? Is everything okay with Sam?” 

“Yeah, things are good with Sam.” Dean reassured quickly. 

“Cas alright?” 

“He is… now he is. Everything’s good now.” 

“What’s been going on?” 

Dean suddenly wished that Bobby’s call hadn’t been so unexpected. Leave it to Dean to drop a bomb on the guy when he was just calling to make sure they weren’t all dead in a ditch. Crap. How was Bobby gonna react?

He sat on his bed and nervously tapped his foot. 

Pull the metaphorical bandage off, he guessed. 

“I don’t know how to tell you this… but we have a baby now.” 

There was a long pause. 

A very long pause. 

Then: “Come again?” 

“We’re taking care of a baby now?” Dean said sounding more like a question than a fact. 

“What did you do you flippin’ idjit?” 

“Not me!” He said quickly. Why did everyone always think it was him? “It was Cas! You might not remember but Cas had a girlfriend Amelia a while ago… She kind of got pregnant and then left the baby with us. We’ve just been trying to keep our heads above water ever since.” 

“You and Cas are taking care of a baby?” Bobby’s words came out slowly, like he couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. 

Dean really should have called him sooner. This was not something to drop on someone who you saw as your only solid male role model. He owed Bobby more than a long overdue, guilty confession. 

“Yeah… her name’s Claire. She’s almost four months old, looks just like Cas.” 

“Well shit. That explains why I haven’t heard from you.” 

“I’m sorry, I should have talked to you sooner.” 

“Yeah you should have. Idjit.” There was only a hint of real annoyance in Bobby’s voice before the older man huffed. He sounded worried again. “I could’ve been helping you out. You boys have everything you need? Are you doing alright?” 

Dean was touched by Bobby’s care. He smiled against the receiver. “We’re making it work.” 

“You know I’m here for you right? All three of ya. All you have to do is call.” 

“I know. I appreciate it. We all do.” 

“Next time just don’t let it be so long. I worry ‘bout you boys.” The sincerity in his voice made Dean’s heart clench. He couldn’t begin to count the times he’d laid up at night wishing that Bobby had been his dad instead of John. 

Dean knew that none of them were off the hook for not telling Bobby about Claire, but he had a feeling that Bobby wanted to talk to Cas first before reaming them as a whole for being dumb asses. 

Dean decided to switch the subject and check in on Bobby in return. 

“How are you Bobby?” 

“Good!” Dean could hear the smile in his voice. “Jody’s good too, she tells me to tell all you hi.” 

“Tell her we say hi back.” 

“Speaking of… Jody and I were talking, and we know it’s barely October, but we were wondering if you’ve given any thought to Thanksgiving yet?” 

Dean blinked rapidly for a few moments. How was it already October? Thanksgiving was already coming up? Seriously?

He thought about Bobby’s question for a beat. It was something that Bobby had a habit of asking every year, without fail. But every year though, Dean, Sam, and Cas would have to turn it down due to financial reasons. It never seemed to bother Bobby or Jody as they always made the trip out to them for the holiday. 

This time though, something in Dean’s gut told him this year he should make an exception. 

“How about we come out to you this year?” 

“Really?” The shock in Bobby’s voice was evident. “You know Jody and me don’t mind making the drive over to you.” 

“No, we’ve all been wanting to come out to you for a while. And besides, none of us have been able to get out of this damn state so it’s about time we see other places.” 

“Colorado is pretty great.” Bobby commented, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. 

“You still happy there?” Dean asked by way of conversation. He already knew the answer. 

Both Jody and Bobby had both lost their families years ago. Bobby’s wife to cancer and Jody’s husband and son to a car accident. They’d found each other when Jody arrested Bobby for being drunk and disorderly some time after their mutual losses. Eventually they became friends before realizing they could build their lives back together, with each other. They moved from Sioux Falls, South Dakota to Fort Collins, Colorado a few years after getting together—way before Dean and Sam even knew them. It was a much needed a new start for them both and they seemed genuinely happy where they were. 

“Definitely. There’s no bad memories here, you know? And a beautiful state makes it even better.” 

Dean had seen the pictures and it sure as hell did look amazing. He knew Sam had been wanting to go for years now, always trying to budget for them to make it work, so Dean knew he’d say yes to going before Dean asked the question. But Dean just needed to make sure Cas would want to road trip with Claire this time around. 

“I’ll talk to Cas but I have a feeling he’ll want to come to you this year too.” 

“We’ll be looking forward to it. And you know we need to meet this baby now.” 

“You’ll meet her soon. I’ll send pictures.” He promised. 

“Expect a call from Jody! You know she’s gonna chew your head off.” 

Oh shit. He’d have to talk to Jody. She was probably going to give Cas the mother of all ‘what the hell were you thinking’ speeches too. 

Man, he loved that woman. 

“I’ll be waiting.” Dean said with a nervous laugh. “I’ll talk to you soon, Bobby.” 

“You’d better.”

He hung up the phone with a smile on his face before he rushed out to go talk to Sammy and Cas about his phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I wrote and rewrote this chapter 10 times before finally coming to terms with this being a very transitional chapter. I'd had a whole scene written out where Dean and Cas meet with Crowley for the first time. I also had a whole discussion about why Cas want's to be called Papa (he just didn't like daddy for himself)... and none of it was working for me! 
> 
> I also know that the events/timelines in this may not be plausible but I just want good things to happen for these boys. I hope you understand :) 
> 
> It might not be the greatest chapter but it sets the stage :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taken me quite some time to update, I've been struggling with motivation a LOT lately. When it does come I can get about 3-5 paragraphs before my attention is lost. I'm working through it though! Thank you so much for your patience. <3

Sometimes Dean wondered if Castiel was actually from earth. He loved the dorky guy more than words could even describe but there were times he legitimately wondered if Cas was on the same wavelength as normal humans. Like the time, a few years back, when Cas had been so excited about getting a good grade on a test he’d studied for, he spent an entire night rearranging every last item in their kitchen. Or the time he’d found a stand at a farmer’s market on campus that sold locally harvested honey and treats sweetened by that honey—he spent an entire day going through all of their clothes, sorting them into piles, fixing up any patches, and then color coordinating them back into the closet. 

See, Cas had this quirk that when he was really and truly happy he… nested. Dean couldn’t think of any other verb to describe it. It wasn’t obsessive or anything. It was just a fact that when Castiel was feeling joyous, he liked everything surrounding him to feel that way as well. It amused Dean to no end that the person he’d fallen in love with loved to scrub the bathroom tub when he finished an assignment ahead of the due date or rearranged the living room because he got a fifty-cent raise at work. 

So really Dean should have been expecting _something_ bizarre in the days following Cas getting sole custody of Claire. However, what he did not expect was to see mattresses, box springs, and the squeaky ass bed frames he’d owned for years all disassembled in his living room. 

“Cas? What’s going on?” Dean yelled down the hall, assuming Cas was still in their room. He looked around the living room that was in disarray. Sam was sitting on the couch watching TV and Claire was in her bouncer playing with some hanging toys. Neither of them seemed to notice that nearly all of Dean and Cas’s belongings were now in their living space—not that Claire actually could notice, but still. He’d seriously only been gone an hour to wash the Impala after the previous nights’ random bout of rain. 

His best friend walked out in his cleaning clothes—a holey pair of sweats that were two sizes too big and a paint-stained t-shirt that had also once belonged to Dean. He was beautiful. 

“I’m just selling the beds.” Cas said plainly, as if it were completely obvious what he was doing. Dean strutted across the hallway and peeked into their room to see the vacuum, Swiffer, and other random cleaning supplies on the floor while all their dirty clothes and sheets were shoved into the hamper. 

“Yeah? Why are you selling both of them?” 

Cas bundled up the rag he hands and threw it towards the direction of the hamper in the bathroom since the bedroom one was full. “Because we don’t need two.” 

Dean couldn’t help but have a splitting grin on his face. Why was Cas such a weirdo? Why did he love this man so much because of it too?

“No, yeah. I get that. But we need at least one.” 

“The other ones are too small.” 

“Yeah, and? We kind of need a bed.” Dean laughed from amusement but he was still a little concerned for where the hell they’d sleep if Cas actually went through with selling the beds. 

“We’ll have one.” 

“Uh when? Because it looks like we aren’t even going to have one.” 

Cas appeared to have finished with his little bout of spring cleaning because he was suddenly working to wrap the cord back on the vacuum and put away the other supplies underneath their kitchen sink. Dean just followed Cas around as he rambled on. 

“I put these on this one selling app Sam was telling me about. I asked for one hundred for everything and there are a few people interested. One of them offered an extra fifty if they could have them in the next hour. So when they pick these up we’ll go to the store.” 

What could Dean say? They didn’t need two beds and they sure as hell couldn’t keep squeezing into a twin sized bed every night. Still it was amusing as hell that this is what Cas chose to do from his good mood, sell both their beds on a whim. “Yeah... okay.” Dean said laughing still. 

“Should I have consulted you about this before?” 

“Maybe?” 

It was as if at that moment Castiel realized that he’d just sold both of their beds and they’d very seriously need to at least buy a mattress before the night was over. Or maybe he thought he’d been too presumptuous because suddenly he looked nervous that he’d done something wrong. “Do... do we need... do we need separate beds any longer?” 

Maybe they weren’t technically together at the moment, but like hell was Dean going to give up sleeping next to Cas now that he knew what it felt like to fall asleep wrapped up in the scent of his favorite person. 

“No. We don’t.” Dean insisted, smiling at the other man softly to ease his worries. Relief seemed to wash out of Cas’s shoulders, his beautiful baby blues sparkled as he smiled softly at Dean. 

“So... this is okay?” 

“It’s okay.” Dean affirmed. “I think you’re insane but it’s okay.” 

That earned Dean his _favorite_ smile in return. 

The buyer came by shortly after and spent nearly thirty minutes talking Cas’s ear off about her twin boys and how she’s been looking for beds for them for weeks but everything was way too expensive. She ranted and raved about how cute Claire was and how much she missed having babies and to cherish the time they had with her now. She gave the three boys a huge hug after Sam and Dean loaded the beds into the back of her truck while Cas bounced Claire over his shoulder. 

She was a kind woman. Cas didn’t take her extra fifty bucks. 

It was when Dean was stretching out his shoulders (because damn when was the last time he’d worked out?) and staring into their bedroom devoid of anything but a dresser and a hamper that Dean realized they needed to get on with buying a bed ASAP because there was no way he was sleeping on the floor for the night. It was only about eleven in the morning but Cas still had to work later that night and Dean knew how picky his best friend could be about the things they brought into their home. 

Cas called Madison’s mom, Pam, and asked to borrow her truck for the little excursion. In addition, Pam volunteered to watch Claire saying how much she’d been missing the little squirt in the past few weeks since she’d been in daycare. Sam asked to stay over there too while they went shopping so Cas and Dean dropped the two off before heading out to the local strip mall where they hoped to find something decent. And okay maybe they didn’t have the spare money to really throw around on these things but they had enough that Dean could justify letting Cas have this. 

And that smile radiating in the passenger seat always made Dean weak. 

Maybe Cas had been thinking about this longer than he’d let on because much quicker than Dean had anticipated, they were loading everything they’d purchased into the truck. They’d picked out a new bedframe with dark metal rails for the head and footboard, a new pillow top mattress, and a few new pillows as well—theirs were looking more on the yellow side these days and that had always grossed Dean out. Dean didn’t mind letting Cas pick the bedding and sheets because Dean couldn’t care less what color or style they were, he always threw them off himself in the middle of the night because it got too damn hot. Eventually Cas picked out a queen size set that came with a grey comforter and some pillowcases as well as some ‘ultra soft’ white sheets. And after Dean caught Cas touching a navy blue knit blanket when he thought Dean wasn’t looking, Dean threw that into the cart too. 

He had to admit, seeing the brand new stuff for _them_ and not for one of the kids gave Dean an almost giddy feeling. When was the last time he’d even bought himself new underwear? 

Too long. 

They made an agreement in the car that they should be as efficient as possible, so Dean dropped Cas off at the Laundromat knowing their rinky-dink machine at the apartment complex wouldn’t stand a chance. Dean usually would have stayed with Cas but it was broad daylight and Dean really wanted to get the bed assembled before Cas went to work. On his way back to the house he stopped by to pick up Sam and Claire too, knowing he’d need Sam’s manpower to help carry everything in.

It really didn’t take long for Dean and Sam to carry everything up and get all the pieces of the bed frame laid out to start assembling and it was thankfully Claire’s naptime so they didn’t have to worry about having to entertain a fussy baby while trying to read instructions on building a bed; she was instead peacefully tucked into Sam’s room for the time being. 

Dean, of course, was trying to decipher what the hell he was supposed to start with when the stupid instructions guide had small pictures and too many numbers and weirdly worded instructions, while Sam arranged the materials by the letter stickers that were on each piece. He was starting to think that he should have stayed at the Laundromat and let Cas handle the building. 

“Cas seems really happy.” 

Dean looked away from the instructions for a beat to see Sam’s obvious smirk. It made Dean snort a little. Sam knew Cas’s quirks just as well. Once, Cas had Sam take every single item he owned out of his room and sort through it all before reorganizing his room to ‘flow better.’ (He’d gotten a hundred dollar tip from an older woman just because she thought he was a sweet young man—Cas smiled so bright for days). 

“What gave it away?” Dean joked. 

“You know, I think it’s kind of sweet.” 

Dean looked up, handing the instructions over to Sam because he was sure as hell done getting a migraine over them. “What do you mean?” 

“Every time something good happens to him he’s always more confident about himself.”

“Isn’t everyone?”

His kid brother seemed to have some understanding of the alien writings on the instruction manual because he started grabbing at the small screws and tools they’d need. “Yeah but it makes him more confident about you also.” 

He felt his eyebrows screw up in confusion. When good things happened to Cas he acted more confident about Dean? That didn’t make sense. 

“How?” 

“I don’t really know how to explain it. He just seems more sure about how you feel about him when he’s feeling this happy. I mean, dude, he just took a big leap in assuming you two were now going to share a bed from now on. He wouldn’t do that on a normal day.” 

His knee-jerk reaction was to deny what Sam was saying because Cas _totally_ made big leaps on normal days. Except… 

No he didn’t actually. 

Dean had to admit that Sam was right. On normal days Cas always waited for Dean’s cues and went at Dean’s speed. But Happy Cas? _He_ always made the big moves. Happy Cas was the one who grabbed Dean’s hand first after Dean had asked him to go see a movie with him once. Now here _he_ was having the two of them officially sharing a space together, a bedroom not for roommates but for a couple. But… did Cas really only make those moves when he felt sure of how Dean felt though? 

“He knows how I feel about him.” Dean said aloud, not sure if he was trying assure himself or Sam more. There was no annoyance or malice in Sam’s voice when he spoke next, just genuine curiosity. 

“Does he? Have you told him?” 

“Well no…” Dean had to admit because, well, he just hadn’t. He’d wanted to, obviously, but that plan had gone to shit. Then there just wasn’t a perfect time, and wasn’t that what he should wait for? A perfect time? 

The perfect time was not during the stressful weeks of Cas trying to learn how to become a father. The perfect time wasn’t during sleep deprived mornings or late at night watching reruns of Dr. Sexy. And the perfect time sure as hell wasn’t during the next few weeks when they now needed to buckle down and start saving every scrap of money so that maybe they could potentially move somewhere more suitable for Sam and Claire. 

The perfect time would just have to wait. 

Right? 

Sam, who wasn’t following Dean’s current train of thought (despite how convinced Dean was that they sometimes had a telepathic connection), seemed to think differently. “You should tell him.”

“He knows.” Dean tried to insist, but lacked conviction. 

“That’s not the same as telling him.” 

Worry filled his gut for a moment. Did Cas know how Dean truly felt about him? He had to. Right? 

Suddenly he was scared that maybe Cas wasn’t as certain about the way Dean felt as Dean had always expected him to be. He didn’t want to talk about that with his brother though. 

“Are you gonna help me make this bed or not?” 

Sam seemed to take the dismissal for what it was. “I won’t bring it up again.” 

Then went back to building the bedframe, silently, except for delivering instructions. 

About two hours later, the bed was made and Cas sent a text saying that the comforter was just finishing up. Dean headed out moments later promising Sam to bring home dinner which, at Cas’s request, happened to be five dollar pizza. 

Right before they got out of the car Cas turned to talk to Dean. 

“I think we should ask him tonight.” 

Too consumed with the smell of gooey cheese, Dean half wondered if I’d tuned out Cas talking because… what? “Ask who, what?” 

“Ask Sam about moving.” 

That pulled Dean’s attention back in. He’d been avoiding bringing up moving like the plague, and he knew that Cas knew he was doing it. “Oh. Tonight?” 

“Why not?” Cas said flippantly. 

Dean scrambled to find any excuse he could think of. Which wasn’t very many because he didn’t even understand why he was being so hesitant. He _wanted_ to move, of course he did, but the practicality of it all seemed to not be there. Cas was all optimism and sunshine when it came to the idea of moving out by Christmas but Dean knew things didn’t tend to work out as smoothly as he hoped they would. 

“You work in a few hours and… and this is a big conversation…” 

That answer got him an eye roll. 

“The conversation doesn’t have to be finalized today, Dean. It’d just give Sam something to think about. Nothing has to be decided tonight.” 

Anxiety, nerves, or both settled in his gut because he _knew_ his little brother and he knew that if they brought this up tonight it was more than likely they’d have a decision before Cas went to work. And that in and of itself was scary. 

But it’s what Cas wanted. 

“Fine.” Dean heard himself agreeing. He couldn’t ignore the excitement in Cas’s response. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, let’s do it. No better time than now.”

Cas leaned over across the seat and planted a kiss on Dean’s cheek. “Thank you.” 

As he followed his best friend in, Dean half wondered if he’d find Cas reorganizing their refrigerator later tonight if all went well talking to Sam.

* * *

“Cas said you guys wanted to talk to me?” 

Dean looked up from where he’d been playing with Claire on the floor, trying to keep her awake (because they learned the hard way that letting the stinker take a nap at five thirty in the evening lead to her sleeping too long and refusing to go down at her bedtime). Cas must’ve just gotten out of the shower and caught Sam in the hallway. That meant that this conversation was really happening. 

Dean pulled himself and Claire off the floor, settling deep into the couch. “Yeah but let’s wait for Cas.” 

Not a minute later Cas came out, still a little damp, and pulled Claire into his arms, kissing her cheeks a few times until she giggled. 

“So what’s up?” Sam asked. 

“We’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for a while,” Cas started, speaking to Sam as if he weren’t a teenager—which Dean knew Sam appreciated. “We wanted to wait until after everything was squared away with Claire before we brought this up to you but now that everything is settled I don’t see why we should wait any longer to discuss it.” 

“Okay?” Sam questioned, looking between the two older boys, prompting Dean to cut in. 

“Before you say anything, Cas, can I say something?” He had to get this off his chest. 

“Of course.” 

Dean squared his shoulders a little, willing Sam to understand that he was serious. 

“Look, Sammy, I don’t want you to just go along with anything we say just because we’re taking care of you or whatever. It’s not like that here. It’s not whatever Cas and I say goes okay? You have a choice and I don’t want you thinking you just have to do what makes us happy. Okay?”

“I know.” 

On any other day, the pointed ‘yeah Dean, I’m not stupid’ bitch face would have raised his hackles, but today it made Dean sigh in relief. Maybe he’d been working himself up a little too much over Sam’s reaction. 

“Okay then.” Dean replied, looking over at Cas to give him the go ahead. Leave it to the blue-eyed boy to cut straight to the point. 

“Sam, how would you feel about moving?” 

There wasn’t even a moment of surprise on Sam’s face, just curiosity as he asked, “Moving where?” 

“That’s what we’re not sure of,” Cas responded, “We haven’t discussed it in great length because as of a few weeks ago we didn’t know if we’d even be allowed to move with Claire. What we do know is we want to be in a better neighborhood, with better schools, and more opportunities for both you and her.” 

Dean did his damnedest to read his little brother’s face for signs of panic or discomfort but either Sam was carefully masking his emotions or he too had given this a lot of thought. It didn’t stop Dean from chiming in. “And be honest with us Sammy. We’ve been here a while, you have friends. You’re doing well in school…” 

“Yeah—I mean…. It’s alright here,” Sam shrugged. “I know I have friends but it’s not like I can’t make friends somewhere else or anything.” 

“You would also have to move schools and you’re nearly at the top of your class…” Dean tried to counter argue but was cut off. 

“But another school might have more for me to explore. There aren’t even any clubs at school. And as much as I love volunteering it might be nice to have something other than just volunteer work on college applications.” 

There was a note of eagerness in Sam’s eyes, as if he might have been hoping for Cas and Dean to come to this decision all along… Still, Dean needed to be sure that Sam wasn’t just doing this for them. 

“I just don’t want you to rush into making a decision about this.” 

“You’ve always wanted to leave this place though.” Sam said in return. 

“It’s not about what I want.” 

“Well I think it’s a great idea. I say we do it.” 

“Sammy…” 

“No, Dean, you and Cas are right. This place isn’t safe, especially not for a baby. I’m not going to let my crap school be the reason why we keep staying. When do you guys want to do this?” 

There it was, that look in Sam’s eyes that told Dean everything he needed to know. Sam _wanted_ this. He’d probably been dreaming about getting out of this town and moving to a worthwhile school for _years_ but probably didn’t want to put pressure on either Dean or Cas. The kid was too good for them. 

Staying on topic, Cas was the one to answer Sam’s question. 

“We were thinking by Christmas time it would be ideal to be out of here but we wanted to talk to you first.”

“Christmas is just an idea,” Dean supplied quickly, “We still have to look around, find some places we might like. I need to apply for jobs and save up a little more for a deposit. There’s a lot to do and Christmas is less than three months away. Besides, we promised we’d go to Bobby and Jody’s for Thanksgiving and that will cost us a little bit. We might have to wait a little longer than Christmas, maybe the end of the school year.” 

Truth be told, Dean really didn’t know how they’d swing it. Deep down he really wanted to get them settled in a modest little house—three bedrooms, maybe two baths, and a garage for his Baby—but he didn’t think they had enough. Even with putting their funds together, their savings account wasn’t as plush as he’d like it. It would be tough but if they found a reasonable location, maybe not to far from their current place, they could do it. 

Sam seemed to have other ideas. “Or—and don’t bite my head off before you hear me out—you accept that Cas and I are both willing and capable to help with saving.” 

Dean could see the pure determination in his brother’s shoulders to be heard out. It had Dean riled up in a second. 

“If you’re about to say what I think you’re going to say—“ 

“I can get a part time job Dean! It wouldn’t hurt to get like an extra ten to fifteen hours a week even if it’s just minimum wage.” 

Dean tried to reel himself in. “Hard no. You have school to focus on.” It was dismissive—but it wasn’t yelling. 

But Cas seemed to want to push at the point. 

“Then I can find a way to make working full time and going to school work just for a little while.”

Dean’s gaze whipped over to his partner’s. Even with a baby as a shield, Dean didn’t shy away from glaring at those ‘oh so innocent’ blue eyes. 

“No.” 

There was a collective, “Dean!” from around the table. 

“No!” He nearly shouted. Why the fuck could they never get their minds around this? “The both of you can shut it. Because first of all, Sam, you are not working while you are going to school. I don’t give a damn how much the extra cash would help. So help me you are getting good grades and getting yourself into a damn good college! And Cas, I’m not for one moment going to let you overload yourself. Did you forget we have a baby now too? Full time work, school, and a kid? No. I’m not taking the risk that you won’t be able to finish your degree because of that. And fuck, we _need_ the money you’ll bring in with an actual fucking career and not some shitty menial job. Okay?”

It was the look of understanding yet borderline pity that made Dean push off the couch. 

“Why does it have to be you who takes on all the responsibility?” Castiel asked indignantly. 

“Because I need to take care of you. Both of you.” He glared back at Cas and Sam on the couch, letting his eyes settle on the baby girl sucking on her toes, oblivious to the argument brewing around her. “All three of you now.” 

“Who takes care of you then?” Cas dared to ask. 

“It doesn’t matter. We just can’t do this right now and it’s fine. I’ll figure something out.” 

Castiel took a careful inhale. “Can we talk, privately?” 

Dean, the child he was, stormed off in the direction of their room. He didn’t even have time to admire the bed, fully made, looking warm and inviting, since Cas was hot on his heels almost growling at him the moment they made eye contact. “Why do you always do this?” 

“Do what?” 

“Fight any help that people want to give you.” 

“Because I don’t need help.” 

“Everyone needs help.” 

Reasonably, Dean knew Cas had a point but no one ever said Dean was reasonable. Instead his insecurities came out in the form of stubbornness. “Well I don’t!” 

Cas froze in his spot. 

“Is this how it’s going to be?” 

“What?” 

“This? Us?” Cas flapped his hands in the space between them. His cheeks were flush with irritation. “Is it always going to be you making all of the decisions and if what Sam and I want differs then you completely overrule us? Is that how this works?” 

“Of course not.” Dean fired back. 

“Really? Because that’s how it feels. Every time I try and help you, every time Sam tries to help you, you shut it down. Dean, you’re working yourself to the bone and I know if it weren’t for Sam and Claire being home at night you’d be working a second or third job. Why can’t Sam and I just alleviate some of the burden?” 

“Because if I can’t take care of you what good am I?” He hadn’t meant to say it but his heart was pounding and, before he knew it, all the words he’d been bottling up were spilling from his lips. “That’s all I am meant to do! I’ve been taking care of Sam my whole life, and I’ve been trying my best to take care of you. It’s what I’m good at. That’s what you all need me for. So I have to handle it. If I can’t, then what fucking good am I? You won’t need me anymore if—” 

“—Dean…” Cas tried to stop his rant with a gentle hand on his arm but Dean shied away from the touch. He didn’t want the pity. 

How fucking pathetic was he? Wanting to be more important to them than he even deserved… 

“No. Stop. Never mind. You need to go to work.” 

Cas looked at the red numbers of their alarm clock to see the time. If he left five minutes prior, he’d be late. It’s the only reason Dean knew Cas wasn’t staying to talk out their little spat. 

Still, Dean’s stomach dropped to the floor when he heard the front door click closed. 

Why was he such a fuck up? 

Sam knew better than to bring up the fight so they just sat on the couch in companionable silence, each taking a turn of engaging Claire in some sort of short play. Sam had recently been stopping at the library to rent some children’s books, so currently he had Claire on the couch reading from some colorful animal book as Dean stewed in his guilt from the argument. 

He wondered if it would always be like this, as Cas had so pointedly asked. Was Dean that flawed that he couldn’t move past his own headstrong ways and start allowing Sam and Cas to make choices for themselves? Of course he wanted them to have their own thoughts and opinions, of course he wanted them to be free to make their own decisions but… he wanted them safe more. He wanted them taken care of more. He didn’t want their own inherent stubbornness and need to “help alleviate Dean’s burden” put them in a position where they wouldn’t be successful in life. 

If Dean had to work eighty hour weeks and get only four hours of sleep every few days in order to make sure that Sam, Cas, and Claire didn’t have to burn themselves out… he’d do it. Better him than them. Besides, it’d only be temporary, until he had them settled. He could _handle_ the ‘burden.’

He knew Sam and Cas wouldn’t let him do that to himself though. He also knew he wasn’t going to relent on Sam and Cas working more. They would just have to find a budgeting solution that would work for them in the meantime. 

Guilt for causing the argument festered in Dean’s gut. Even through bath time, and settling Claire into bed. Even through watching a few episodes of TV with Sam. Even through pulling back the new comforter and settling into the new cushiony bed, Dean couldn’t help but feel like a jerk. The night was not supposed to end how it did. Dean and Cas were not supposed to lay on opposite sides of their new bed, upset with each other. No. He and Cas were supposed to crawl into bed together and snuggle up warm and happy in a space that was officially _theirs._ He knew he was an ass and needed to apologize. 

He nearly counted down the seconds until Cas came home. 

When he finally did, Dean could barely wait for Cas to hit the bed before he was apologizing. “I’m sorry.” 

“I am too.” Cas sighed heavily. The lights were turned off but the nightlight near Claire’s pack-up crib illuminated the room just enough for Dean to see Cas’s features. The two men settled on their sides facing each other but still not touching. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Dean admitted, “I’m the asshole here, I ruined your day.” 

“You did not.” 

“You were so happy earlier and I ruined it.” 

“It’s okay.” Although Dean could tell Cas was trying to sound sincere, there was still hurt underlying his words. 

“I wanna make it up to you.”

“Then hold me.” 

Without hesitation Dean opened his arms, allowing Cas to shuffle in, pressing his nose against the warmth of Dean’s chest, a leg shifting between Dean’s. Dean’s heart flooded with so much love for this man he thought he was going to burst. Even after being a complete jackass, Cas still chose to be with him. Over and over he kept choosing him, and Dean knew he’d continue to do the same in return. He’d never, ever, feel worthy of a love like this but he knew he wouldn’t let it go. 

So contented, with drooping eyelids, Dean almost missed Cas speaking. 

“Dean?” 

“Hmm?” 

Cas lifted his head from Dean’s shoulder and settled his chin on Dean’s chest. “Thank you.” 

“Why are you thanking me?” Dean asked, running his thumb over the peak of Cas’s cheek. 

“I know I don’t say it enough…” 

“You say it plenty.” 

With an amused eye roll Cas hushed Dean with a finger to his lips. “I’m not finished.” 

“Sorry. Sorry. Go on.” 

“I know I don’t say it enough, but it means everything to me that you’re still by my side. That you’re willing to let me and Claire stay.” 

“I don’t _let_ you—“ 

“Let me finish.” 

Dean pressed a gentle kiss to the fingers still pushed against his lips. “Sorry.” 

Cas smiled down at Dean gently, “You didn’t have to take her in. You could have turned your back on me right then and there and even though…. even though I could _see_ your heart breaking you didn’t push me away. You didn’t have to do that. I know I broke your heart. I know I hurt you, although unintentionally but you stood by me and that’s more than I could have ever hoped for. And you keep standing by me. You keep taking care of me and of Claire, and of course of Sam too. I just… I want you to know that I don’t take you for granted. I thank God every day that I’m lucky enough to know you. But I also need to thank you for just being you. You’re a good man—a great man and you never fail to show how unabashedly selfless you are.” 

Dean felt his chest swell; he didn’t know what to say. 

“Cas…” 

“I need you. I need you every day and I’m going to keep on needing you as long as you need me too.”

“I’ll always need you.” Not wanting to be reduced to a teary mess, Dean pulled Cas in, crushing him to his chest. Leave it to this amazing human to make Dean feel like treasure even after he’d been a complete ass earlier. He couldn’t help himself from pressing a few kisses to the spots he could reach: Cas’s forehead, the bridge of his nose, his cheekbone, his jaw… inching ever so closer. 

Why was he waiting? 

There was no reason. 

He needed this. He needed Cas. 

There was no reason to hold it in any longer. 

“I love you.” He whispered against Castiel’s mouth. And with a breathy ‘I love you too’ their lips sealed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAIT! Before you start reading I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has read and loved on my story He Didn't Have to Be. I freaked out seeing that I've now gotten 500 kudos on that work. AND thank you soo sooo much to whoever it was who voted for my work [He] Wouldn't Be Gone to be included in the Destiel Fan Survey Favorites Collection. Just... I was freaking blown away. For not considering myself a writer and being relatively brand new to fanfiction, I am just very thankful to all the kindness and love you've all been giving me. 
> 
> Now, onto this work. It took me so long to write because the story needed to jump a little into the future and I couldn't figure out the best way to do that so here we are! Every line break signifies the jump between past/present.

Morning people are liars. No way, no how could there be a group of people on planet earth who actually enjoy being ripped from the blissful comfort of sleep at the ass crack of dawn and actually have a smile on their face every day. No friggin’ way. And it was just not seemingly possible that having to wake up even earlier just to take a shower in the frigid icy morning water seemed like a desirable thing to do. 

No. Mornings sucked. 

Most days. 

Not this day. 

No. 

This morning Dean was in the best friggin’ mood and he couldn’t help himself. 

And yeah, maybe he wished he could have stayed home all day with Cas but they did have responsibilities that they couldn’t ignore but he could still wish. At least he had the promise of that night to come. 

That’s the thought that kept him going as he hauled himself out of the shower and into the frigid air of the bathroom. 

“Dean? Do you know where Chewie is?” 

Cas’s voice came from far down the hallway so Dean knew that his boyfriend was without a doubt frantically searching their place for the stuffed Chewbacca stuffed animal Dean _had_ to buy for Claire—the stuffed animal she would not go a day without. 

“I threw him in the drier.” 

There was the sound of padding feet followed by, “Got it! Okay! We’re heading out. Love you!” 

Before Cas could leave Dean called out, “Wait.” 

He still had a towel around his waist but he rushed out of their bathroom and in the direction of their living room before Cas and Claire could make it out the door. Of course his boyfriend was looking a little flustered, as he did most mornings, after trying to get a two year old ready for the day in a limited window of time. Thankfully Claire was more on the sleepy side this morning than the grumpy side so she was more than content to rest her little head on her Papa’s shoulder instead of fussing. 

“What is it? We’re going to be late.” Cas asked, panting a little, indicating he’d probably ran around trying to find the stuffed creature. Before Cas could huff and puff anymore Dean smushed his man’s face between his palms and pressed the sloppiest kiss to his lips that he could manage. 

“Happy anniversary, baby.” 

The kiss was enough to have Cas pull back, dazed. “Hmm?” 

“Two years ago today was our first kiss.” 

“Two years ago?” 

“I can see it was a very important date to you,” Dean said with a wink. There was a dreamy quality to Cas’s face at the moment and Dean wanted nothing more than to pull him back to bed and kiss him silly. 

“You remembered the exact date?”

“’Course I did. You think I’d forget the date I officially got you?” 

“I assure you, you had me way before then.” 

“Still.” He couldn’t resist pressing one more firm kiss to Cas’s lips before regretfully pulling away. “You two gotta go. Claire Bear, can Daddy have a kiss?” 

“Okay Daddy.” 

She still didn’t understand how kisses worked so she merely moved her head over to the side so Dean could kiss her atop her wild ringlets. 

“Love you, have a good day okay? Be good for Miss Moseley.” 

“Okay bye-bye!” Her little sleepy voice made him want to grab her too and just cuddle back up with them in bed. 

“And you,” He said turning back to Cas, “kick that meeting in the ass. We’ll celebrate tonight.” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

He never thought he’d be the sappy guy who watched as his family got into the car and drive off, waving from the front porch, but lo and behold he was that guy. The guy who even got a little sad thinking that he’d have to wait all day to see them again. And knowing that tonight Sammy said he’d take Claire over to Bobby and Jody’s for dinner and ice cream made Dean even sadder to realize he wouldn’t see his baby girl until nearly her bedtime. 

But the promise of a few hours alone with Cas was enough to perk him up for the day ahead. 

He walked back into the house they’d been in for a little more than a year and a half to continue getting ready. 

It’d been an eventful two years to say the least. That first year together felt like it happened in the blink of an eye. One moment they’re kissing for the first time and the next they’re traveling to Colorado where unbeknownst to them they’d find their new home within that Thanksgiving weekend. They were there before Christmas, just like Cas had wanted, and Dean had a new job right after New Years. Then year two brought Cas’s graduation, Sammy’s college applications and his impending graduation as well. Claire’s first and second birthdays came and went, surrounded by friends and family too. 

Needless to say it’d been a whirlwind. Stressful, of course, to upheave their lives and move to a new state and get new jobs and meet new people but worth it in the end. They had Bobby and Jody here who got them through most of the hard parts. The two seemed to have adopted Dean and his family, taking them in and providing them with everything they needed—a home, a used car for Cas, gifts of clothes and furniture for Claire, fees for Sammy’s college applications. It made Dean bristle at first, to think they didn’t think him capable of providing for Sam, Cas, and Claire but now he accepted that they just had a lot of love to give. 

Which they did. Bobby and Jody had always been amazing but coming down for Thanksgiving had been the best choice Dean could have made. Instantly it had felt like home, that feeling of comfort and security that Dean didn’t know what do to with but now couldn’t do without. 

It’d been the best choice of their life so far to move here.

* * *

* * *

* * *

“I know, I know Claire Bear we’re stopping. Okay. Okay. We’re stopping now.” 

Dean wanted to cry along with her. Nearly an hour straight now she’d been wailing her little lungs out with nothing able to sooth her. It was no lie that Claire was an active baby and she was about at her wits end having to endure the car ride to Colorado. On any regular day she would have been fussy with having to stay cooped up in her car seat with only a few rattily toys to keep her entertained but add one evil tooth cutting in at the same time to the equation and they were in for one hell of a trip. 

They even had to rotate who sat next to her because of how agitated she was getting with each of them. So far Dean wasn’t liking the way this trip was already turning out. It seemed like a bad omen and he had half a mind to turn the car around and tell Bobby and Jody that they’d try again next year but he knew Sam and Cas would be disappointed. Even Claire’s bad mood wasn’t hurting their excitement. 

It’d taken them all so long to pack what they needed, Sam took an uncharacteristically long time packing too. It seemed like he had it in his mind that they were going there permanently and not just for a long weekend. Even Cas was bordering on overkill with how much he was trying to cram into their duffle. Dean sort of understood on Cas’s behalf. Not only was the ten hour car ride daunting, knowing they’d probably extend it a few extra hours having an infant in the car with them, but the fact that they’d be in a different state with an infant they’d still have to sustain was enough to be quite a bit stressful. 

None of them had ever been on a vacation before either so their limited knowledge of what to pack was making their luggage pile up with far more than Dean thought necessary for a five day weekend. But with the trunk filled to the brim and the backseat loaded with as many snacks and water bottles as their little cooler could fit, they hit the road. 

Now they were stopping for what seemed like the twentieth time in the past four hours. 

He pulled off into a rest stop and handed Sam his wallet to grab them a few snacks and drinks from the vending machine before turning to his boyfriend—his _boyfriend_ —in the back seat. (He really wasn’t getting tired of using that term). 

“Your turn to drive Papa. I’ll man the monster once we get back in the car.” Cas looked like a splitting migraine was tearing apart his body and merely nodded before unstrapping Claire and pulling her out of her car seat. “Hey, go take a walk. I’ll change her.” 

It was amazing what being out of her car seat did to change Claire’s mood. She wasn’t exactly a happy baby still but she was infinitely calmer than she had been before. Dean quickly changed her into a clean diaper and settled her over his shoulder to walk a few laps around the car giving them much needed air. He bounced her around murmuring silly things in her ear that he knew she wouldn’t understand and of course he couldn’t help throwing a jab at his boyfriend too. 

“I know… I couldn’t stand listening to Papa sing itsy bitsy spider one more time either. He’s awful isn’t he?” Somehow his voice must’ve been silly enough for her to crack a smile at him. “Yes, he’s so bad. I’m glad you agree.” 

“Dean…” 

Dean looked over his shoulder innocently, knowing Cas had been standing there watching them for a few moments now. “Oh no. I think I hurt Papa’s feelings.” 

“Claire, can you say: We hate you Dean?” 

“No. How about you say: Please don’t sing anymore Papa, you’re killing us all slowly.” 

“I’m going to intentionally curb check the Impala.” 

“How dare he threaten Baby? We won’t stand for it will we?” Dean was doing his best to make both Claire and Cas laugh so he put on his best baby voice and twirled Claire’s hands around in mock anger. “No we won’t Papa!”

A warm smile rushed over his boyfriend’s features and Dean nearly melted from it. “I love you.” Cas said simply. Because it was simple now to just say those three little words that use to give him so much grief. 

“I love you too.” 

“I was talking to Claire.” 

Cas’s smirk was devious and Dean wanted nothing more than to kiss it off his stupid (read: perfect) face but there was a time and place for that. 

“They didn’t have Mountain Dew but they had Rockstars and I know you hate them but I figured it’s better than just Coke. And they had those chocolate chip cookies you like.” 

Sam had been the greatest sport to ever sport on this trip. As much of a teenager as he was, he actually seemed to be the least agitated with Claire screaming her lungs out. It may or may not have been due to him having headphones and the ability to sleep through a hurricane-tornado-thunderstorm-avalanche mix, but he was still in a weirdly cheerful mood for a sixteen year old on a family road trip. Hell, he was even getting Cas and Dean the best vending machine snacks he could find. 

“Thanks Sam.” Cas said before ripping into the energy drink. 

“And I got you peanut M&M’s, beef jerky, and hot Cheetos.” 

Of course Dean had grabby-hands instantly. “You’re the best Sammy. You grab shotgun, I’m in the back with Claire.” 

The next two hours went much better than the first four did but now Dean’s hand was covered in drool from letting the baby gnaw away at each of his fingers. His back was aching from sitting at an awkward angle to make sure that his arm didn’t go numb. His head was throbbing from the overall stress of the day and he was sure as shit ready to take a twelve-hour nap. It was a shitty car ride to say the least. 

He was at least thankful that he’d put his phone on vibrate or else a cranky and teething Claire screaming over the loud wake up call would have been the death of him.

“Hello?” He answered in a low voice. Sam was in the passenger seat conked out from his third nap of the drive and Claire was holding Dean’s hand prisoner while she dozed too. 

It was Bobby on the other end. “Hey, just checking in. You driving?” 

“No Cas is. We’re about an hour from the border I think. On our next stop we’ll probably stop for food, we’re all getting a little antsy.” 

“How’s the baby?” 

“She’s sleeping right now so we have a little quiet time but she’d been screaming up a storm most of the way.” 

“Hold on, Jody wants to talk to ya.” He knew they had him on speakerphone but he was betting his money that Bobby was still handing the phone over to Jody. 

“Hey kid, do you already have teethers for her?” 

Dean glared at the offensive hunk of plastic left abandoned in the crook of Claire’s seat. “Yeah but they’re not cold anymore.” 

“Do you have a cooler?”

“Yeah?” 

“Do you have cold water bottles in there or cold snacks in plastic?” 

“Yeah.” Dean had to refrain from being snappy with Jody for her seemingly endless questions. He knew she was just trying to help. But hell he was tired. 

“Okay, go ahead and put her teether in there and let her chew on the bottom of the water bottle or something when she starts up again. It won’t be the best but it’ll help long enough to get the teether cold.”

“It won’t hurt her mouth?” 

“No, she’ll be happier for it. Plus she doesn’t have any teeth so she won’t do much damage to the bottle, I promise. I’m gonna buy you some other teethers I saw that she can use. There are some nice ones that you can stick a whole ice cube right into.” 

“Thank you.” 

“No problem. Drive safe, okay? We’ll see you in a few hours.” 

When he hung up he relayed Jody’s message to Cas and made sure he had the all clear from her father before he stuck plastic bottle in her mouth later. He didn’t think Cas would mind if Dean made his own decisions for Claire, but he still wanted to respect that Cas was her father and Dean was her… well he didn’t quite know what he was to her. 

She felt like his kid and he referred to her as his kid if he ever had to take her anywhere but he hadn’t exactly found the courage to ask Cas what he was in Claire’s life. He didn’t think he could take it if Cas only wanted him to be “Uncle Dean” or just “Dean” to her so he bit his tongue every time the thought crossed his mind. They’d talk about it eventually. 

For the next thirty minutes of the drive Dean struggled to keep his eyes open. The music was so quiet it was nearly off and even Sam’s snores weren’t enough to keep Dean from feeling completely drained. Apparently his boyfriend had been watching him through the rearview mirror and couldn’t take it any longer. 

“Dean, get some sleep while she’s down.” 

“Don’t want to sleep.” He tried to argue but Cas took it for what Dean really meant: _I don’t want you to be the only one awake._

“You’re lying. You need rest.” 

“So do you.” 

“I’m perfectly content for now.” 

Knowing that he’d probably nod off soon anyway and that the pint-sized monster beside him was bound to wake up within the hour he couldn’t argue with getting a few Z’s in. 

“Don’t wreck my baby.” He mumbled petulantly. 

“Considering my human baby is in the car, I have no intention of it.” 

“Fair point.” 

“Sleep.” 

Before Dean succumbed to closing his eyes, he indulged himself a little by staring up at the profile of his best friend. He knew he loved Cas before but the past few weeks for them had been more incredible than Dean had ever imagined. Being able to have Cas in a new way, to love him in a new way, it was everything and more than what Dean could have hoped for himself. He’d never known so much happiness. 

He couldn’t imagine life getting any better than this.

* * *

* * *

* * *

It was the day before Thanksgiving, practically the Tuesday before with how early it was. Most people would have been at their homes prepping for the grand meal to come but here they apparently had other traditions. Jody was still back at her place getting ready for their personal family celebration but Dean was sent to a friend’s restaurant, The Roadhouse, owned by Ellen Harvelle. Dean had met Ellen the first Thanksgiving they were out in Colorado and since then she’d been competing with Jody for ‘Most Motherly’ he was sure. 

Thanksgiving had been amazing that first year together (and the following year, of course). Jody had truly outdone herself and Dean knew it was because of them coming out to visit for the first time. There were quite a lot of people in Bobby and Jody’s home, all of whom Dean had only heard of by namesake but they instantly felt like a family. 

Bobby’s old friend Rufus had moved to Colorado not long after Jody and Bobby had. He was a tough as stones type of guy but Rufus has a funny side to him as well. And Claire must’ve possessed some sort of magic in her because the tough-guy act Rufus tended to put on always drained away the minute he was around their little girl. 

Through the older man frequenting a place called the Roadhouse, Jody and Bobby met Ellen and her daughter Jo. The Harvelles were good people. Loyal and fierce and made the most killer meals. Ellen had even been the one to set Dean up with a temporary job at the Roadhouse doing anything from clearing tables to serving the food and because of her willingness to hire him without more than a handshake was the reason he came by to help her whenever he could just like today. 

“Hey Ellen, where do you want me?” 

“Potatoes.” 

There were a few familiar faces as Dean made his way back to the kitchen. Ash washing what looked like a mountain of pots, and Benny whose hand was getting real personal with the backside of a turkey. The two younger men were practically Ellen’s adopted sons she never wanted. She took them in much like she had Dean, but the two simply just hadn’t left. Benny was her head cook and Ash was… well no one really knew what Ash was but he was around almost constantly. 

“Hey Winchester. School out today?” Benny asked from his post at the prep counter. Dean had to fight off the urge to make a joke about the Turkey. 

“Yeah it’s a teacher work day so the aids don’t need to be there.” 

After six months of working at the Roadhouse, Dean snagged a job at a school in their district. He’d applied as both a custodian and as an aide thinking that either way he’d be happy but he was friggin’ ecstatic to find out that they wanted him as a full time aide helping wherever he was needed. He’d been working in and out of a few grade levels helping with some students here and there and often times he was out watching the kids at recess and playing in whatever game they asked him to. It felt good. It didn’t pay as good as the custodial job would have but it felt more fulfilling. 

But like with any job Dean still loved his random days off and today was one of them. 

“Good we need you. Alfie called out sick and Ruby’s sitter flaked on her so she’s coming in late.” 

“Ellen said I’m on potato duty.” 

“Alright, I’ll help you once I get this thing finished. Twenty pounds of potatoes isn’t easily done.” 

He looked over to the daunting pile of potatoes. “Fuck it’s gonna be a long day.” 

“That’s the Roadhouse Turkey Bash for ya!” 

Apparently that was a big deal for these people. Ellen only let her most loyal costumers come in the Day before Thanksgiving. They prepped at an ungodly time of the morning to get the food as fresh as possible for dinnertime. They served about five turkeys, a boatload of potatoes–sweet and regular, gravy by the gallons, and more pie than Dean had even seen in a bakery. The past few years it’d been amazing to attend but helping prepare for it was a whole other world. 

Dean was glad to have some good buddies around while he did the world. 

“Has Sam accepted a college yet?” Benny asked once he’d taken to helping Dean with peeling the potatoes. 

“Not yet, he’s still waiting on a few acceptance letters and then he’ll decide but he’s always wanted to go to Stanford.” 

“That’s a real good school.” 

“He’s a real good student. I know he won’t have a problem getting in.” 

“Can you guys afford that?” 

“It’ll be tight but we’ll make it work. It’s his dream you know?” 

Sammy had seemed to apply to all colleges across the nation. He didn’t bother with a few Ivy’s for lack of desire to live in certain crowded cities but a few others he wanted to try out just to see if he could get in. Most major universities on the west coast were also on his list of places to try out. Dean didn’t know why the kid even bothered because, really, since Sam was young he seemed set on Stanford. Dean knew it would be rough to get the kid through that school but he’d find a way even if that meant being the one to work some night shifts. Now that they were in a good place and had some family around to help with Claire, Dean didn’t mind having to take on some more workload. 

“Oh what about Cas? Wasn’t there talk that he was going to get a promotion?” 

“Oh yeah. That was a few weeks ago. He got it.” 

“Good for him. Did you two celebrate?” 

Dean blushed a little, thinking back to the less than innocent part of their anniversary. It’d definitely been a day of celebration—their anniversary, Cas’s promotion, and the fact that it was their first night alone in over a month. And man did they celebrate. But he wasn’t going to tell Benny all the details. 

“We did. I took him to that new 50’s style diner. Their burgers were awesome.” 

“Better than mine?” 

“Never, brother.” 

Benny was a good dude. Dean liked him. He was kind and gentle but he had a real protective side especially when it came to his family at the Roadhouse. Dean could see the two of them being friends for a while. 

The next few hours went by with Dean, Benny, and Ash cracking jokes and showing off in the kitchen. After a while most of the dishes were prepped and ready for cooking so the three men were tasked with making sure the bar and dining area were it tip top shape. 

Dean felt a little like his feet were going to fall off by the time lunch rolled around and Ellen shoved a basket of fries and a chicken salad sandwich in his lap. 

He nearly fell off his stool when he heard a high-pitched squeal and felt a small body slam into his legs. 

“Daddy!” 

“Hey there Claire Bear.” He pulled his little squirt up onto his lap and pressed a few kisses to her cheek, tucking back her post-school unruly hair. 

“Daddy miss me.” 

“I did miss you. Did you miss me?” 

“Yeah!” He offered her a few fries that she took immediately before talking to her again. 

“Where’s Papa?” 

“Unca Moo talk Papa.” 

“Uncle Moose is here too?” 

“Yeah go see!” With that she squirmed off of his lap and started running towards the entrance where lo and behold Cas and Sam were standing chatting with Ellen. 

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” 

“They let us out early today so I thought I’d pick up the kids and come over to help for a little.” 

Cas’s job was probably one of the most relaxed places Dean had ever heard of. After graduating with his computer science degree, Cas snagged a job at a web design company where he was set to start in IT. His boss, a quirky girl named Charlie, seemed to see a lot of potential in him, which is why he’d already been promoted twice. Cas loved it there, and loved his boss, who gave everyone days off to celebrate Star Wars day or Harry Potter’s Birthday. What mattered most to Dean though was how happy Cas was there. 

“Nah, you just missed me.” Dean teased, pulling Cas into a side hug and kissing his temple. 

“Always.” 

“Okay.” Ellen scoffed jokingly. “Enough of the love fest. Let’s get back to cookin.” 

“Where do you want us Ellen?” 

“Sam’s on green bean duty and Cas, you’re on pies.” 

“Why does he get pies?” Dean whined jokingly.

“Because he can restrain himself, piggy.” 

“Rude. I nearly sliced my fingers off for you today.” 

“Good thing you get to keep your little girl entertained instead of doing any more laborious work.” 

“Yeah! Daddy play me!” 

And how could he deny that little face? He quickly scooped her up and tossed her in the air above his head, drawing a ‘Dean be careful,’ from his boyfriend and a full belly laugh from his daughter. 

“Okay, let’s go play.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

Claire didn’t seem to understand that the day after a giant feast like Thanksgiving meant sleeping in until noon. Nope, why would the baby understand that Dean and her father had been up until past midnight and that being awake at seven in the morning was akin to torture? 

Bleary eyed and with coffee on their minds, Dean and Cas pulled themselves out of bed and made their way with Claire into the living room. Of course, like the old people they are, Bobby and Jody were already up and ready to go for the day. Bobby even had pancakes on the griddle and a pile of bacon. 

“Morning kids!” 

“Coffee?” Dean asked, voice sounding like sandpaper. 

“Fresh pot on the counter, mugs are above it.” 

“Babies are evil.” He mumbled into his mug that he’d filled to the brim. Cas just hummed in agreement as he tried to keep his hot mug out of reach of sneaky baby hands. Jody laughed at the two of them. 

“Guess someone forgot to tell you that you wont know what sleep is again until she’s a teenager.” 

“Cas? Can we get a refund?” Dean asked with mock horror in his eyes. Cas just hugged the little girl a little more to his chest and smiled. 

“Nope. I think I like her.” 

“I’m still deciding. Give her to me?” Dean put his mug down and reached out to pull Claire into his own arms. She went easily and stared at him with happy blue eyes. “Yeah… I kind of like her too.” 

“Eat up!” Jody declared, coming into the kitchen. “I get the baby.” 

“Hey now. Mine.” Dean pulled her out of arms reach and pretended to shield Claire from the baby snatcher but gave up his act when he looked at the pile of pancakes Cas was already loading onto a plate. 

“You get her every other day. This is my weekend.” 

And how could he argue that? He wished that they had taken the time to come out to Colorado before to see Bobby and Jody. Though he’d known that Bobby and Jody cared for them, he didn’t realize quite how much until getting to spend a holiday with them. It was nice to have people fussing over them and checking if they had enough to eat or enough blankets to use. It felt special to have people who wanted to hear every detail about their jobs and the things they’d been up to. Just… having people in their corner that supported them and wanted the best for them… it was a feeling Dean hadn’t known much before. He didn’t realize they’d been missing out. And if he were being honest, he didn’t want to leave it. 

Eventually Sam made it out of his room and the three boys slummed it on the couch for a while until Bobby came in to round them up. 

“Hey. Jody’s gonna watch Claire. You three are coming with me.” 

“Where?” Dean asked, not too keen on getting off the couch. 

“You’ll see.” 

Knowing better than to put up a fight, Dean, Cas, and Sam all clambered into Bobby’s truck and watched the passing scenery go by. It wasn’t a far drive, maybe fifteen minutes at most, but it was confusing to Dean why Bobby was driving them into a neighborhood of manufactured mobile homes. A few turns took them into a small cul-de-sac where Bobby pulled into the driveway of a small home that Dean couldn’t help but notice felt a lot cozier than the others on the block. Where the others seemed cared for, they still had scarce landscaping and a lack of warmth to their outsides yet this one though looked newly loved. As if it’d just been renovated. 

Once the car was parked on the small driveway that curved into a two-car garage, they hopped out, looking around. It was a nice place, but Dean for the life of him couldn’t understand why Bobby brought them there. 

“Why’re we here?” 

“Just take a look with me.” 

“Bobby. What’s going on?” Dean asked again. 

“Me and Jody own a few properties. This is a newer one we just finished up and we’re about to put it on the market. I wanted to show y’all around. See if you had any outsider eyes for us.” 

“Okay?” 

Dutifully the three of them followed Bobby onto the small porch that was staged with two cushioned patio chairs in front of two large windows. Already it looked like an inviting home but that was nothing compared to walking inside. Inside was a spacious living room, decorated in soft neutrals. The ceiling was slightly vaulted, leaving the place feeling more spacious than it actually was. 

“Jody isn’t sure if she loves the paint color but I keep telling her tan is always a safe bet.” 

Castiel seemed to think it was a completely normal thing to be touring one of Bobby’s properties. “I think it looks very nice. Did you two stage this yourselves?” 

“We did.” 

“Who knew you were actually Martha Stewart?” Dean joked leaving Bobby to flip him the bird. 

“Come this way. This is what I’m most proud of.” 

He led them further into the living space where to the left of the entry was a spacious kitchen. Immediately Dean could tell that a lot of effort went into making the kitchen look updated. The flooring was a dead ringer for real hardwood, though Bobby informed them that linoleum was by far a more cost effective resource. Even the simple white quartz countertops looked elegant against the standard oak cabinets. What Dean appreciated the most in the space were the brand new stainless steal appliances that made his own off kilter, coil stove burners, and his yellow-tinged (once white) fridge look even more so like they belonged in a junkyard. Dean wanted a kitchen like this so bad. 

“This looks awesome.” 

“You should have seen it before. The countertops were peeling and most of the cabinet doors were hanging off.” 

Bobby showed them around the kitchen area and got their opinion on a few remaining details—what color to frame the skylight, white or stainless steal dish washer, and picking between two different types of faucets. 

Dean was honestly so jealous of whoever got to live there. 

“Let me show you the rooms. There’s a master with a master bath and two regular sized rooms and another full bath. We’re still trying to pick a washer and dryer but when we do, the laundry room will be fully done. That’s about all we have to finish and it can go on market.” 

Again they followed Bobby as he led them down the hallway off the living room. He showed them the unfinished laundry room to the right, followed the full, renovated bathroom. To their left were two rooms of standard size, each with a standard closet. At the very back of the house was a modest sized master bedroom with an attached master bath. Each room was decorated simplistically with the large windows shining a lot of light on the space making it really feel like a home. 

He couldn’t help but imagine himself living in a place like this. It was a far cry from where they were living. Of course Dean was grateful that they had a place to live, but their apartment was falling apart. The faucets had practically calcified so hardly any water came out, the linoleum flooring was pealing up in so many spots that someone tripped at least once a week, and the walls were so thin they could practically hear their neighbors whispering to each other. To him, this place looked like a friggin’ paradise. 

“Oh I forgot to show you the enclosed backyard.” It was pretty hilarious to see Bobby seem so giddy. Dean knew that the guy had gotten all HGTV a few years back, but to see it first hand was pretty entertaining. It seemed like Bobby’s love for fixing up cars definitely transferred to fixing up houses. 

The kitchen sliding doors lead to a small patio with simple furniture. There was a cobblestone path from the concrete that lead to some grass that made an L shape around the side of the house and towards the back of it. Flowers were already planted in the planters against the house. It all looked so inviting but what really struck Dean was the small plastic slide and swing combo clearly meant for small children. 

“Staging this for families with kids?” 

“In a sense. We wanted to show that there’d be a safe place for little hellions to play within fences and away from the street if a family were looking for that kind of thing.” 

“It is very reassuring. I know that’s one of our biggest worries when Claire is old enough to play.” Cas chimed in. He had his serious face on and Dean knew that Cas was thinking about how the hell they’d be able to let Claire go outside and play where they were living at now—in short: not a chance in hell. 

“So is there anything you three think needs to still be done here?” 

“Besides a TV? It looks move in ready to me.” Dean said, clapping Bobby on the shoulder. The place was really was awesome. 

“Yeah it’s really great here Bobby.” Sam agreed. The kid hadn’t talked much but he now he looked like he was gearing up to write an essay about everything he liked. Bobby looked a little pleased with himself. 

“You like it?” 

“It’s really nice. It’s nice seeing what you and Jody can do. We hear about it a lot but to see this place. We can tell you care about what you do.” 

Yeah, Bobby was definitely trying to hide a blush. The old goon really loved what he did. 

“So… I uh—I wasn’t being entirely honest when I said why I wanted to bring you here.”

Cas and Dean shared a look that could only be described as ‘what the hell is going on?’ Bobby didn’t seem to notice. 

“So—so Jody and I… we were thinking… if you’d consider moving out here. And if you did consider it and were looking for a place to get your feet wet here, you could have this place. Until you find something that you like more.” 

“You want us to move here?” Dean asked dumbly. 

“I don’t want to shove anything on ya but Sammy and Cas were talking at dinner last night and I overheard them saying how much they liked it out here and… It’d be nice if y’all were around more.” 

Dean’s eyes whipped over to Cas and Sam who both had equally surprised looks on their faces. He knew that the two liked it out here, hell they wouldn’t shut up about how gorgeous it was the moment they crossed the boarder but Dean didn’t know they’d been talking about it practically all weekend. 

“You’re serious?” 

“Four hundred a month flat.” 

Dean knew he was gaping like a fish. “Bobby there’s no way that that’s all this costs.” He looked back at Cas and Sam to see what he knew was pure hope in their eyes. 

“I’m the owner. I can decide just how much I want to charge my tenants a month.” 

“We pay more than double for the shithole we live in now.” 

“Seems like ya can’t take this offer up.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” 

“I’ll let the three of ya discuss. We still have some more to do so we probably won’t put her up on the market for another month or so. There might be a leak or something… somewhere that needs some more attention. And you know how handymen are, they take their time.” 

Bobby walked back inside to do who knows what, and left Dean to slump down on one of the patio chairs. Sam and Cas followed suit. 

Cas didn’t seem keen on letting Dean stew in his thoughts of: what the hell just happened? 

“Dean?” 

“It’s too generous of him.” 

“It is. We can always pay him more.” 

“I don’t… I don’t know what to think.” 

“I really like it.” 

The words came out as a whisper, almost like Cas was ashamed for thinking it. Dean focused his attention on his boyfriend and felt like an asshole immediately. Of course Cas wasn’t saying anything because he didn’t know how Dean would react. Dean with his stupid outbursts over moving and making any sort of radical change in their lives. Yeah, Dean was scared of the unknown and he was terrible with change but he didn’t want Cas to not be excited about things he wanted. 

“You really like it here?” 

“Don’t you? If feels like a home. It’s in a safe area and there’s so much space. Claire and Sam would have their own rooms, and you’d have a nice kitchen. There’s a backyard that we can sit out and eat on or play with Claire on. And for what he said he’d charge us? There’s nowhere we could look that would be newly updated, in a safe area, and near family like this.” 

“Sammy?” 

“I agree with Cas.” The kid said immediately. He looked like an excited puppy. “I could see on your face just how much you liked it too. You can’t pretend like you weren’t imagining what it’d be like for all of us to live here.” 

Sam wasn’t wrong. It was exactly the type of place Dean wanted to put his family in: safe, clean, cozy, and close to family. It just hadn’t been on his radar that they could possible move here. 

“It’s a big decision.” 

“We’ll sleep on it.” Cas asserted. “It sounds like he’s giving us a month to decide what we want to do. There’s no pressure.” 

So Dean agreed. They’d sleep on it, go back home and sleep on it some more, and then decide if it’s what they actually wanted to do. Yet, as they packed up to leave to go back to their smarmy apartment in the pits of hell, Dean knew without a doubt where he wanted to make his home. 

He let Bobby know before they even had their luggage packed in the car.

* * *

* * *

* * *

The Roadhouse Turkey Bash had been a success and so was Thanksgiving at Jody and Bobby’s. So much so that Dean didn’t think he could look at another morsel of food for a very long time. 

“Wheel me to bed. I can’t move.” 

“You might not have needed that fifth slice of pie.” 

“It’s pie. Of course I needed it.” 

The two men plopped down on the bed, full and exhausted. Sammy was passed out on their living room couch after saying he ‘wasn’t tired yet’ and Claire had conked out in the car on the way home.

Cas huffed beside Dean as he tried to roll onto his back. “Take my clothes off for me, I feel too heavy to move.” 

“Ooh, are we getting it on tonight?” 

“Only if you want me to vomit everywhere.” 

“Dude, I feel pregnant. Look at this belly.” 

“I think you’re having triplets.” Cas teased with a laugh, rubbing Dean’s exaggeratedly bloated stomach. 

“Would you still love me if I looked like this every day?” 

“I’d consider it.” 

“Gotta start working out again.” He mumbled, rolling onto his side to face Cas. 

“Mmm. But you’re perfect.” 

“You just love that I’m squishy.” 

Cas’s hands were getting progressively bolder, caressing every curve of Dean’s body they could find. “Mmm. Maybe.” 

“Squishy is not sexy.” 

“Yes it is. I find your body very arousing.” 

“Cas….” 

Suddenly Dean was rolled onto his back with Cas hovering above him. “It’s true. Every time we are intimate I can’t help but marvel at just how stunning you are.” 

“Kiss me.” He pulled Cas into a bruising kiss, trying to show the other man just how lucky he felt to get to call Cas his. No matter how Dean’s body changed with being fed constantly by Jody and Ellen, no matter how gross he could look with a serious cold, no matter how disheveled he could look coming home after a field day at school—Cas still looked at him like he was something beautiful. 

They kissed, and they kissed some more and even though Dean wasn’t feeling up for going all the way tonight, he still wanted to be able to touch all of his man. “Maybe we can be a little handsy?” 

“It’s like you can read my mind.” 

Clothes were shed and whispers were hushed as they tried to be sneaky about what activities they were getting on to in the privacy of their room. Dean finally, blessedly, had his hand wrapped around Cas’s length, so ready to get to the good stuff when…

“Daddy!” 

His head fell into Cas’s chest as he let out a whining sigh. “It’s like she knows! It’s like she knows we’re finally going to get it on and she can’t let it happen. You weren’t even inside me this time! Why does this always happen? Every. Freaking. Time.” 

“At least she didn’t open our door this time.” Cas joked as Dean clambered out of their bed in search for his boxers. 

“Daddy!” 

He made it to the door but not before he turned back to Cas and gave him a stern look. “We’re finishing this when I get back.” 

“I’ll be here.” 

Claire apparently was thirsty. She also apparently needed to go to the bathroom. She additionally, apparently, needed two blankets and a six goodnight kisses before she was willing to lay her head back down. 

Then she apparently couldn’t find Chewie (she threw him out of her bed). 

When Dean finally got her settled and tucked back into bed… Cas was passed out and snoring on the bed. Dean was cool with cuddling up behind him and promptly passing out. It was just how Dad Life was for them and he loved it.

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Dean… what are you doing?” 

“Showering with you.” 

Cas looked hilariously shocked that Dean would have the audacity to climb into the shower with him. “Dean, we’re in Bobby and Jody’s home.” 

“So?” 

“We can’t make love here.” 

Fuck, Dean loved every time Cas referred to it like that. It definitely did something to his insides. 

“Please? It’s been forever since I’ve even seen you naked.” 

“We’ve been here three days.”

“Yeah, and when was the last time we didn’t have a teething baby in our room or a 16 year old on the other side of our wall?” 

“We’ve been intimate lately… haven’t we?” 

Dean recognized the look in Cas’s eyes as self-consciousness. It’d only been a few weeks since they’d gotten together and they hadn’t exactly gone all the way but they’d been experimenting with other touches and ways to pleasure one another. They didn’t feel the need to rush into things but both boys were getting more and more eager to finally go all in. Still, with the past week of prepping to travel and being at Bobby and Jody’s house, there hadn’t been much opportunity to be intimate. 

“It’s been a little while.” 

“Are you… are you frustrated with me?” 

“With you? God no. But I just wanna touch you so bad. I need you so bad.” He pressed Cas up against the wall, eliciting a shiver from his beautiful boyfriend. “We have a few minutes before someone comes looking for us.” 

Instantly Cas’s lips were on him and Dean was shoving his body as close as he could against Cas’s. They tried their damnedest to be quiet as they soaped up their hands and groped at each other, trying to be quick about their efforts. 

“Dean? Cas?” 

“Oh—Oh fuck. Shit.” Dean stumbled back, almost falling on his ass if Cas hadn’t caught him. “Uh yeah? Yeah? What’s up Jody?”

“I’m taking Claire with me to go to Ellen’s. A few friends of ours are getting together for a few hours for lunch. Is it okay that I take her?” 

“Ye-yeah that’s fine.” Dean called out since Cas looked absolutely mortified. 

“Won’t be home for a few hours. Sam’s still with Bobby and they probably wont be home until dinner.” 

“Oh-okay. Thanks!” 

“Have fun boys.” 

Dean broke into embarrassed laughter, resting his head on Cas’s wet shoulder. 

“Should we be embarrassed?” 

“Probably but I don’t fucking care. We’re alone and naked. Get on the bed. Now.” 

He easily saw the lust in Cas’s eyes as they shut off the water and didn’t bother drying off before rushing into the bedroom. Dean was on top of him in moments, kissing him like his life depended on it. There was a brief period of embarrassment when they had to decide who was going to do what… and then a little bit of fumbling as they got Dean prepped and ready to go but the excitement of the moment was too present for them to care about the awkwardness of it all. 

In it’s own way, the moment between them was perfect. Dean, having never known what it felt like to be with another person like that, felt almost overwhelmed by the tenderness Castiel showed him. By the way he touched each part of Dean’s body like he was mesmerized. By the way he rocked steadily in and out of Dean without once losing eye contact. By the way he couldn’t stop whispering that he loved Dean as they wrapped themselves around each other once all was said and done. 

Maybe Dean didn’t think he deserved all the good he had going in his life at the moment, but he would be damned if he ever let it go.

* * *

* * *

* * *

She came out in a flurry of limbs and started stomping on the ground in front of the TV, huffing and puffing from her nose. The sound of snot being snuffled, with her nostrils flaring was enough to make Dean want to laugh, but he held it in for sake of not making her even more upset. 

“Papa mean!” Claire shouted, raising her arms about her head and striking them down. 

Dean could see Cas eyeing their mischievous daughter from the hallway but Dean’s attention was on the toddler having a moment of frustration. 

“Oh no. Why is Papa mean?” 

“Papa be mad at me. He tell me to sit naught chair.”

Dean already knew what’d happened, he’d heard their little tuff from down the hall but he indulged his little stinker anyway. They had their hands full with this one. Especially now that she’d learned how to lie at the tender age of two. Ever since she learned to talk Dean swore she became an instant sass-master. 

“Why would Papa say to sit in the naughty chair?” 

“I no no Daddy. I did nuff.” 

“You did nothing?” 

“No. I never do nuff! I be good.” 

“Oh really? Then why did Papa tell me you put your paints on the wall?” 

“No! I no do that. Papa did.” 

“Papa put the paints on the wall?” 

“Yes. He put the paint. No me.” 

“Are you lying?” 

“I no lie daddy. I be good.” 

“Claire James Winchester, look at me. Did you put your paints on the wall?” 

“No.” 

“It’s even naughtier to lie. Santa doesn’t bring toys to kids who lie.” 

Of course she started crying right then, just like he knew she would because disappointing her Papa was the worst thing in her little world but disappointing Santa too, Dean learned, was the worst thing in the entire freaking galaxy. He felt like an evil person using the jolly old soul as a bargaining chip to get their kid to tell the truth, but hell it was the greatest parenting tool known to man and of course he was going to use it. 

“I put the paints.” She cried, staring down at the floor in shame. Dean crawled to the ground to kneel in front of her. 

“What are the rules about the paint? Do we put paint on the walls?” 

“No daddy. No paint on wall.” 

“I agree with Papa. You need to clean the paint up and have time in the naughty chair.” 

“No! No naught chair!”

Miss Moseley, the angel who babysat Claire and a handful of other kids from the neighborhood, was the one to introduce them to the naughty chair. It was something that worked for her when the kids decided to act out so, trying to keep some consistency in Claire’s discipline, they got one for their own home. Claire hated having to sit in it. 

“That’s where we go if we make a bad choice.” 

“No! I no want go!” Of course she threw herself on the floor in her fit. Oh, the joys of toddlers. 

“Go help Papa clean up your paints and maybe you won’t go to the naughty chair.” 

“Papa mean. He say I naught girl!” 

“Come here.” Her cries were too much for his heart to handle. He scooped her up and cradled her against his chest stroking back her hair to get her to calm down. “Papa is not mean. He loves you so so much but we have to make good choices. We can’t put our paints on the wall and we have to listen to Papa.” 

“Papa yell me.” 

“He did not yell at you. He was sad with you. It will make him so happy if you clean all the paint off the wall and tell him sorry.” 

He let her stay in his arms for a few seconds more before he decided she really did need to clean up her mess. 

“Okay, let’s go tell Papa you’re going to clean the wall now.” 

“Okay Daddy.” 

Dutifully she walked back with her daddy’s hand in her own and apologized to her papa for being a ‘naught girl’ as she so called it. With both her dads over watching her she managed to get the wall as clean as a two year old could get. Cas did decide she still needed a few minutes in the naughty chair and gave her a timer with a little less than two minutes on the clock. She wasn’t pleased with it but accepted her punishment like a ‘big girl.’ 

That night she was ultra loving to her papa, crawling into his lap while watching TV and giving him more hugs than she usually does and Dean could tell it was melting Cas’s heart even more than her usual cuteness did. And even though Dean was usually the person who tucked her in at night, that night she wanted both her daddy and papa to read her bedtime stories and give her bedtime kisses. 

She was a silly little thing but they loved her more for it. 

That night they couldn’t help but joke about her strange behavior as they crawled into bed. They knew they were in for a hell of a ride when she got older. 

“She always goes to you because she knows she can break you.” Cas declared after they decided that Dean was the ‘soft’ parent in her life. 

“She goes to me because you’re a hard ass.” 

“She has to have consequences for her actions.” 

“I agree. I get why you do it. I just don’t know how you don’t give in to her every freaking time.” 

“It’s because you’re weak.” Cas joked, glaring at Dean like he was evil. 

“It’s your damn fault you gave her your eyes. How am I supposed to win to those big blues all filled with tears?” 

“It’s fine. I’ll be the evil parent. Someone’s bound to be.” There was a hint of self-deprivation that Dean couldn’t just ignore. Sometimes Cas tried to put on a front like he wasn’t upset about his parenting abilities but Dean knew that sometimes things got to him more than others. 

“You know she loves you right?” 

“Yeah—“ 

It was when Cas rolled away from Dean that he knew something was really eating away at his boyfriend. 

“Cas, talk to me. ” 

“I’m fine. It’s fine. I’m fine.” 

“Baby…” 

“Am I too hard on her? Am I just making her hate me?” He sighed heavily like his eyes were contemplating if he needed to cry or not. “She’s two… maybe I shouldn’t expect so much out of her. The other parents just seem to have it all together and they look at me like I’m some invalid because I’m the only one with the screaming child every morning.” 

They were, by far, the youngest parents in the neighborhood. Most parents had two kids and were closer to their thirties than their teens. They were friendly enough but often times they’d get a snide ‘you let her do that?’ or a ‘you should really try _____’ that would stir up their insecurities. Cas was the one who had to drop Claire off in the mornings on his way to work and so he was always met with the early morning, grumpy, parents who knew better than anyone. It got to him sometimes. 

“Lots of kids cry when their parents drop them off. She hates whenever you leave her but she’s okay right after because she has friends to play with. I swear she’s always so happy at the end of the day. And any arts and crafts she makes it’s always ‘I made dis for Papa,’ ‘Papa gonna like dis,’ ‘Can Papa put on his wall?’ She freaking adores you Cas.” 

“But I’m always the one who she’s pissed at.” He argued, still sounding heartbroken. 

Dean nudged his boyfriend enough times to finally get him to roll over and look Dean in the eyes. “Probably because disappointing you is the worst thing imaginable to her. She loves you just as hard as you love her.” 

“I just don’t want to fail her.” 

“She’s happy and healthy and she’s so freaking smart. Maybe she has a ‘tude but she’s the best kid I know. I think it’s safe to say you’re doing perfectly with her.” 

“ _We_ are.” Cas correctly softly and all but melted in his arms and Dean knew he was feeling a little bit better about himself. He’d probably never feel like the world’s best dad, but who really ever does? They were young and still figuring shit out for themselves.

“Yeah we are.”


	9. Chapter 9

He could hear them in the bathroom getting ready. He knew that Cas was trying to keep Claire quiet but their house was only so big, any sound emitted seemed to slam back into his skull. Well, perhaps that was this illness just torturing him because most days Dean could sleep through his daughter singing her favorite songs at full volume. Today was not like that. 

He’d been up all night tossing and turning, practically hacking up a lung. And poor Cas was up all night with him, jostled awake every time Dean had a coughing fit. He felt like complete shit to say the least. One of the kids at Claire’s daycare had given her a bug and she’d gone and been so kind to give it to Dean. Of course Sam and Cas with their rabbit diets got away without any sign of illness.

So Dean was left all alone to suffer. His body ached from head to toe. His head was actually throbbing. His throat felt like it was made of sandpaper and he didn’t want to talk about the way his stomach felt. 

And as sweet as her little voice was, Dean wanted nothing more for his kid to be out of the house so that maybe, just maybe he’d be able to get some sleep. Right now though, she wasn’t having any of that. 

“No Papa! No like that. Like daddy do’s.” 

“Honey, I don’t know how to braid like daddy does.” Cas half-whispered back to Claire’s toddler voice level. 

“I ask him.” 

Dean groaned a little knowing full well she was likely to yell for him any second to come do her hair. And don’t get him wrong he absolutely loved those moments with her on any other day besides the one that he felt like complete death. But being a parent seemed to mean doing shit you don’t want to do when you feel like complete garbage, just because your child demands it, so he knew he’d be getting his ass out of bed in the next couple of minutes. 

“Daddy is sleeping right now. He doesn’t feel good.” 

The whine in her voice had Dean gingerly pulling himself off the bed. “Wan’ daddy to.” 

“Honey, he can do it tomorrow okay?”

“But I wan’ daddy to.” 

“Cas, it’s okay. I can do it.” Dean cracked open the bathroom door and smiled miserably at his boyfriend then smiled over at his daughter who, to be fair, was justified in wanting Dean to do her hair this morning. Right now it looked a weird mix of water-slicked and brushed out curls. Dean hated when Cas brush out her curls… 

For what it’s worth, Cas really had tried to learn how to do Claire’s hair but no matter how hard he worked at it, his fingers just couldn’t cooperate. He managed to pull off a ponytail and a bun but nothing more complicated than that. On most days Claire was cool to just run around with wild, food matted, natural grabbing hair but Dean on the other hand wasn’t going to stand another mother’s snide comment on ‘oh it’s okay that her hair is always so wild. We know you’re both so busy.’ 

So after practically telling Sammy he’d disown him if he wouldn’t let Dean practice on him, Dean managed to learn a few type of braids. It wasn’t any of the complicated shit some of the girls showed up with at Claire’s daycare but it was enough that his little booger didn’t look so out of place. 

“Dean, you’re sick. I can do her hair.” Cas’s mega frown could level an entire city if he tried hard enough. The look of ‘Dean, you need to be in bed sleeping’ was extremely potent. He looked exhausted too, if the purple circles under his eyes were anything to go by. He’d just never admit that he wanted to crawl back into bed just as much as Dean did. 

“No. Papa do bad.” Claire piped in with that ever-honest child filter of hers. Cas was not amused.

“Claire that’s rude.” 

“Daddy do’s good.” 

And as much as Dean wanted to fall asleep right there on the cool tile of the bathroom floor, he knew he couldn’t deny that sweet face. He shoved passed his boyfriend and made his way to his little girl. 

“That’s right. So sit still and let daddy do this quick okay?” 

“Okay.” 

It honestly didn’t take much effort to fix the mess Cas had managed and turned it into two little braids with curly ends. They weren’t the greatest things ever but Claire’s little face said otherwise. 

“So pretty Daddy.” 

“I did a good job, huh?” 

“Tank you.” 

“Love you, monster. Have a good day, okay?” 

“I miss you.” She said sweetly, leaning into his chest in a semi-hug. 

“I’ll miss you too. Be good.” 

With that, he handed her off to her other father and shuffled back to the comfort of his bed. 

He barely managed the energy to wave his hand at his brother a little while later but the feeling of a cool cloth pressing to his forehead helped make him mostly coherent as Cas and Claire tried to leave. 

“I’m going to get off work early okay?” 

“No, Cas. I’ll be fine.” Dean grumbled, whining a little when his aching body protested at his current position. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

He did have to admit he was honestly fine with Cas wanting to come home and baby him a little so he didn’t say or do much more than lean into the towel Cas had resting on his head. 

“I’ll be home in a couple of hours.” 

“Okay.” 

“Sleep.” 

“Love you.” 

He felt a too warm kiss to his cheek but smiled at the feeling anyway. 

“I love you, Dean.” Cas whispered before he left the cool towel to rest on Dean’s forehead unassisted. 

Dean barely heard the front door click before he tried to close his eyes and get some more sleep. He knew it’d probably evade him like it did all day. Still, they were too heavy for his liking. He figured resting them was better than anything. It was then that he heard some shuffling at his bedside. He blinked his eyes open to see Cas right there with him still. 

“Why’re still here?” 

“I just got home. I’ve been gone for four hours.” 

Dean contemplated trying to suss out how that was possible but figured he was too tired to worry about it. All he managed was an unintelligent, “Oh.” 

“Can you try and eat?” 

“Mhm.” He felt marginally better. Less like his stomach was going to revolt against him but his eyelids still throbbed and his throat was raw. 

“Let’s sit you up.” 

Of course he grunted and groaned as his body was forced to move from its relative comfort but when he was propped up in bed and able to lean a little against his boyfriend, he couldn’t really complain too much. Carefully he spooned some tomato rice soup into his mouth (Cas had offered to feed him but Dean wasn’t a child _thankyouverymuch_ ), sighing at the feel of it against his throat. 

“Thanks, baby.” 

They ate silently in their darkened room, a testament to how tired Cas must have been, too, that he wasn’t sharing some ridiculous story about Charlie for the day. When they were done eating, neither of them bothered to do much more than set their bowls on the side table and slump down in the bed. Cas’s arms opened to Dean immediately. 

“Come here.” 

“I’ll get you sick.” Dean protested stubbornly, despite wanting nothing more than to be cuddled forever at the moment. 

“Claire puking on me and sleeping on me for nearly a week didn’t manage to get me sick, I don’t think holding you will do much either.” 

“But I’m gonna drool on you. I can’t breath through my nose.” Now that he thought about it, he was pretty disgusting. It wasn’t like Cas had never seen him sick before but Dean knew that he wasn’t exactly a catch at the moment. 

“You think a little drool is going to scare me off? Dean, I’ve had my tongue—“ 

“Okay, okay. I get it.” Dean interrupted, knowing that it was pointless to fight Cas over something Dean _wanted._ “Grump.” 

Despite his words, Dean went willingly into Cas’s arms. Finding the most comfortable position against his chest and practically sinking into him. And bless his soul, Cas started running his fingers through Dean’s hair—much like he did Claire’s last week, but Dean couldn’t give a damn about that. He fell asleep almost instantly. 

He must have passed the fuck out because the next thing he knew Cas wasn’t next to him and it was darker in the house. He did notice the small figure in the glow of his bedroom door who seemed to be the reason for his sudden lucidness. At least she was trying to whisper this time. 

“Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?” 

“Hey Claire Bear.” His throat was hoarse but she heard him anyway. A look of concern and worry painted her face. 

“No more sick daddy?” 

“I’m a little sick.” 

He could tell she was remembering her time with her own sickness. It hadn’t been a good time for his little one. She’d been feverish and grumpy and wanted nothing to do with Sam or Dean, only her Papa. She didn’t want to eat anything but when they did get her to eat it came back to bite them in the ass. A few days she battled whatever bug had come after her and she clearly remembered how awful it’d been. 

“Papa kiss it be’er.” Claire suggested, recalling how Cas would whisper to her that he’d try and kiss it all better when she was feeling her worst. 

“I’d love if Papa kissed it all better.” 

That seemed to perk Claire up as she ran back down the hall, yelling: “Papa, Daddy need kiss!” 

“Oh does he?” Dean heard Cas’s voice approach the room. When he peeked his head in, Dean smiled at him. 

“I do.” 

“Well I better get right on that.” 

He approached the bed and leaned in to press a few kisses to the top of Dean’s head and to his forehead, much like he had for Claire. The guy was a sappy nerd. By the time Cas’s lips left his forehead, Claire had already managed to get herself up onto the bed and snuggled into Dean’s side. 

“We watch Paw ‘trol?” 

“You wanna watch Paw Patrol?” Dean asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Yeah!” 

He grabbed the bedside remote and flipped to the right channel. “Okay. We can watch that.” 

Cas gave Claire a stern dad look. She’d probably already been bugging to watch the show earlier but was only just getting her way with Dean. “Only for a little, I’m finishing dinner. We’ll eat when Uncle Moose gets home soon.” 

“Okay, Papa. Little Paw ‘trol.” 

With that, Dean clicked play on one of the dozen of prerecorded kids shows they had saved on their DVR and settled down in the bed to watch, at least until Sam got home. 

His illness must’ve still been trying to bring him under because the next time Dean blinked Claire was out of the room but he could hear he screaming down the hall. He hadn’t even realized he’d dozed again. 

“Unca Moo!” 

It never failed to make Dean smile every time Claire got overly excited about seeing someone she sees daily. But without fail whenever Cas, Dean, or Sam enter her line of sight for the first time in any day she can’t help but screech their names. He could hear his brother greet her just as enthusiastically, probably throwing her up into the air by the way she giggled too. 

He knew he couldn’t stay in bed all day. He was already going to have a hell of a time trying to get sleep that night with how much he’d slept during the day so he pried himself out of bed and made his way out into the living room. For whatever reason the hallway was a mess with stuff from their hall closet, like Cas had started cleaning but had gotten distracted. Probably around the time he had to pick up Claire. 

Sam was the first one to spot Dean as he entered the room. “You feeling okay?” 

“A little better.” 

“Daddy sick.” Claire supplied, making sure her uncle understood why Dean looked like garbage. 

“I know.” Sam said with a big frown. “That stinks doesn’t it?” 

Claire frowned too and bowed her head. “I sick.” 

“You were very sick last week, weren’t you?” 

She nodded miserably, the little faker. “Papa kiss be’er” 

“Papa is so nice.” Sam said, lifting her up and blowing a raspberry on her cheek. 

“Ah!” 

Once Claire was back on the floor and running away from her crazy uncle, Sam turned to back to Dean who’d plopped himself on the couch. 

“Did you call out tomorrow too?” Sam asked. 

“Yeah.” 

“Good you need a break.” 

During dinnertime Sam looked a little shifty but he waited until they were mostly all finished eating before speaking up. “So, I, uh—I wanted to show you guys something.” 

“What’s up?” 

He got up from his spot at the table and moved over to where he’d dropped his backpack on the floor. After rummaging around he came back to the table and slid something towards Cas and Dean. 

“Here.” 

It was an already opened envelope that Dean could see clear as day was a college acceptance letter. As Dean read the letter inside, his face twisted in confusion wondering why the hell Sam was bothering to show them this. 

“I got into Colorado State.” Sam clarified as if it weren’t obvious from the words Dean was reading. 

“Sam, you got into Stanford and Brown.” Dean supplied, with only a hint of sass in his voice. “Does it surprise you that any state schools would accept you? They’re probably willing to pay someone like you to go to their school.” 

“Full ride, actually.” 

“See, told you. It’s a nice ego boost right?”

He slid the paper back over to Sam and looked at Cas, who was oddly silent about this at the moment. Cas’s face was mostly blank but Dean knew something was up when he looked away from Dean and down to Claire who was still eating. 

“Ego boost?” Sam asked exasperatedly. “Dean, I’ve been waiting for this letter for weeks. It’s my first choice.” 

Dean’s voice was rough with disbelief. “No it isn’t.” 

“Yes it is.” 

“Sam, you use to talk about Stanford all the time!” 

“Yeah, when we were still living with dad. It was the farthest place I could imagine so it just became some sort of idealistic fantasy.” 

“And? It’s a great school.” 

“Yeah, but it’s in _California._ ” 

The look on Sam’s face made Dean wonder what creature possessed his brother and made him suddenly hate California. For as long as Dean could remember that’s all Sam talked about. 

“California is a great state.” 

“It might be. But I’m not going to move there.” 

“Why the hell not?” For what it’s worth, Dean was trying to keep his cool, but his little brother was essentially telling him that he wasn’t going to do the one thing he’d been talking about doing for years. “You gotta follow your dreams Sam.” 

“Why can’t my dreams be here?” 

“They’re not.” 

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because Sam’s features closed off. “Tell me how you know what my dreams are.” 

“Because I’ve been raising you all your life. You’ve always wanted to move out there and go to school.” 

“I like it here. I don’t want to leave.” 

Dean tried to look at Cas to get his help in this but Cas’s attention was fully on Claire who he decided needed to be taken out of the kitchen at that moment. It was time for her bath anyway and she didn’t need to see Sam and Dean argue. Dean turned back to his brother, trying to knock some sense into his big head. 

“You need to think about this. You have the chance to go to the best of the best schools in our country. Why would you stay here?” 

“Because you’re here! Cas is here. Claire is here. Bobby and Jody are here. I don’t care if Stanford accepted me, I don’t want to be away from my family. I don’t want to be away from any of you.” 

Dean had to take a moment to collect himself a little. As long as he could remember he’d been preparing himself to not have his kid brother around. He knew he’d never actually be ready for that day but he’d accepted that it was something Sam wanted. Dean knew he’d at least still have Cas and Claire, but some part of him ached at the thought of Sam being miles away from him. He just hadn’t known Sam felt the same way in return. 

“Sammy…” 

“You just don’t get it do you?” 

“Get what?” 

“I never wanted to move away from you. When I wanted to go to Stanford I imagined you’d come with me too. That we’d both get away from dad and we’d make a new life in California. Then Dad left and Cas came to live with us and I thought that we could all move to California together but then we got Claire and we moved here and I just realized that it wasn’t ever about California or Stanford it was about me and you finally getting a happy family.” 

“But… it’s Stanford… don’t you want to get your degree from a school like that?” 

“Dean, I don’t even know what I want to do yet. Why go to a school and spend way more money than we have to figure out I might want to be an actor or something?” 

Dean couldn’t do much more than stare. For years he’d had it in his mind that Sam was going to go off and start a new life and would only ever come home once or twice a year. He knew Sam would make the most of it though, that the kid was smart enough to do something awesome in the world so Dean would just have to be proud of him from afar… but to know he was choosing to stay? He didn’t know how to process his complete joy. 

“You really want to stay here?” 

“As long as you’re cool with me living here for another couple of years.” 

“Damn right we are.” Dean said, watery, lunging forward to lock Sam in a head-lock-turned-hug. 

“Ew, stop. You’re going to get me sick.” 

“Sucks to suck.” 

Despite his sickness Dean felt amazing. Knowing he got to keep his family together for a little while longer was absolutely priceless to him. He knew Cas must’ve been in on this because who else would have paid for Sam’s application fee… but Dean didn’t care that Cas and Sam had been sneaky together. He was too damn happy that Sammy was staying. 

After the two brothers cleared away the dishes from dinner, Dean went towards the back of the house to find his boyfriend and give him a giant thank you hug. He found Claire in her room playing with a few of her stuffed animals and telling some sort of wild story between Chewie and BB-8. 

“Hey, monster, where’s Papa?” 

“Papa room.” She said pointing to the hallway.

“Thank you for the help. Why don’t you go see if Uncle Moose wants to play, okay?” 

A big smile came over her and she took her stuffed toys into the living room screaming, “Unca Moo!” 

If he had to be honest, it had started to get to him recently to think that Claire and Sam’s relationship would start to fizzle out of he moved. He loved that Claire got to be around her family almost every single day, he loved watching Sam play with her and read to her, and he dreaded the day that it would all change. But now knowing that Claire wouldn’t end up being heartbroken over Sam leaving, and that she wouldn’t end up seeing him as a stranger whenever he came to visit, it made Dean release a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

He walked into his room and saw Cas sitting on the edge of their bed. “Did you know about him staying? Is this why you weren’t saying anything?” 

For some reason Cas didn’t respond. “Baby?” Dean asked, just now taking in the unusual look on Cas’s face. “What’s wrong?” 

It took Cas a minute to say anything but Dean noticed Cas was fiddling with something in his hands that Dean couldn’t quite make out. 

“I was finishing cleaning the hall closet and I went through the bucket of Sam’s old winter clothes as I was trying to declutter and… I found this.” 

Halfway through that sentence Dean’s world started to get a little fuzzy, just knowing what Cas had found. He didn’t know what he was going to say. He wasn’t exactly prepared for Cas to have found it. 

“Dean, why was there a ring hidden in Sam’s clothes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! 
> 
> Sorry for the cliffhanger but it just had to happen :) 
> 
> This story is starting to become harder and harder for me to work on because I have a big work I'm simultaneously working on that I'm very excited about. I actually wanted to talk about it here really quick because I think I'm in need of a beta reader. I started working on this new work in hopes of putting it in the DCBB but I missed registration but I still want to put it up. I've just never used a beta and have no clue how that process goes so I'm wondering if anyone could give me any insight? 
> 
> Thank you so much! I love you all.


	10. Chapter 10

Dean just stood there looking completely taken aback. He hadn’t imagined Cas would stumble upon it. Hell, it’d been this long without him finding it he practically thought he’d be in the clear. 

“Dean? Why is there a ring in Sam’s clothes?” His boyfriend looked a mix between fearful and hopeful and Dean just didn’t know how to respond to that. He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t exactly feeling tip-top shape to bring up why he’d been hiding a ring in all of his brother’s clothes, let alone explain to his boyfriend that he had almost… forgotten… about the ring. 

He gaped like a fish for a few moments before he finally came up with, “Because I thought you’d find it if it was in yours or mine…” 

He watched as Cas cradled the ring in his palms and looked up at Dean with the most doe-eyed look possible. 

“Is this… is this what I think it is?”

And as easy as it would have been to just lie to his boyfriend and keep that look of restrained elation afloat, Dean knew it wouldn’t be right. He also couldn’t bring himself to tell such a blunt truth either knowing it would just hurt Cas. 

“Kind of?” He managed to sputter out, sounding more like he was questioning it himself. 

“What do you mean kind of?” 

“You weren’t supposed to find it.” 

“I—I figured that but… I did so... Uh—Uhm… Did I just completely ruin the surprise? Should—Should I pretend I didn’t see it? How—how long have you been planning?” 

The excitement in Cas’s voice made Dean’s heart clench. He felt like such an asshole. 

“Cas.”

“I swear, I can wait and I will act surprised if you want to ask me later. I just—I didn’t…”

His heart was pounding out of his chest as he tried to yank the words out. It didn’t seem fair that this had to be happening when he felt like absolute garbage already. Of course he knew what Cas finding the ring looked like. Of course he knew that his boyfriend was practically bubbling over with excitement. But he also knew that not telling the truth at the moment would be worse than just explaining himself. 

“I haven’t been planning.”

Cas’s features morphed into confusion as Dean stepped closer and took a seat next to him on the bed. 

“What?” 

“Baby, I haven’t been planning to ask you, well not actively planning.” 

“What do you mean?” The disappointment Cas was trying to hide made a wave of shame run through Dean’s core. 

“I’ve had the ring for a while.” He answered honestly. 

“How long?” 

“Like three years.” 

The crease between Cas’s brows grew deeper. “Three years? You were going to ask three years ago?” 

“Yeah. Well… kind of.” 

“Why—why do you keep saying ‘kind of’?” Cas exclaimed in a huff. “I don’t understand. We weren’t officially together three years ago so why did you get a ring and why did you never give it to me? Is it even for me?” 

Dean’s eyes widened. “Of course it was for you but—uh… when, when I was planning to give it to you that was—” He had to pause and collect himself. He hadn’t ever planned on telling Cas what had happened that night. He knew that the guilt of it would have eaten his boyfriend up. He always wanted to keep it locked up in the corners of his mind. “It—it was the night you brought Claire home.” 

“Dean…” 

He felt himself grow flustered. Grasping his hands in his lap as he tried to find the right words. 

“Look I wasn’t really sure what I was going to ask that night. Probably if you just wanted to be with me and maybe wear it as some sort of promise. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to give it to you but I had it anyways just in case, and then you came home and had Claire and I was certain that you were already planning to marry Amelia and I had to hide everything I had planned for you and then we were freaking out about having a baby to take care of and I just sort of forgot I had the ring and when I did notice it again I just stashed it and…. It’s been stashed since.”

Cas’s voice was so low it was hard to hear when he asked, “So this isn’t an engagement ring?” 

“Not really, no.” Dean’s heart ached when he saw all hope drain from the other man’s face. He rushed to take the pain away. “But—but it could be! It could be if you wanted it to be.” 

“But you weren’t planning to ask me?” 

“Not in the immediate future, no.” He hated saying it but he couldn’t lie to Cas either. As easy as it would have been to just tell Cas what it seemed he wanted to hear, Dean knew that they didn’t do that with one another. They weren’t perfect but they tried to be honest with one another at all times. 

It didn’t make it easier seeing Cas wall himself off though. 

“Oh. Alright. I’m very sorry I found this.” 

“Cas?” 

“Would you like me to return it to where I found it?” 

“Cas.” His boyfriend refused to look at him, shoulders hunched and eyes pinched shut. “Baby, talk to me.” Dean pleaded. He didn’t want the conversation to end like this. 

He felt like scum. He was the worst boyfriend ever. Why did he even have the ring still? Why was he so much of an idiot that he couldn’t remember that he’d stashed it away? He should have gotten rid of it years ago. He wouldn’t be breaking Cas’s heart right now if he’d had been smarter. 

He wished there was something he could do or say but he knew Cas well enough to know that he didn’t want to be held right now. He just needed time to process. 

“Is… is Claire a deal breaker?” Cas asked eventually, sounding completely broken. 

“How could you say that?” 

“You just—it’s been a few years now. We’ve been together for a while and we’ve been raising Claire together and things feel really good but you—you still haven’t given the ring to me. Even as a promise ring.” 

“Honestly baby? I forgot about the ring. But there’s been a lot going on these past few years. You know that. We had to figure out having a baby, then moving, then you graduating and getting a job, and now Sam is graduating and… it just kind of got lost in the shuffle I think.” 

“But now?” 

“Now, what?” 

“Is it still lost in the shuffle?”

Cas looked like all the hope had been sucked out of him and Dean absolutely hated that look. There was no one else on this Earth that could make Dean feel the way Cas does, he just knew that they still had so much going on. He wasn’t sure if it was the right time to get engaged.

“I don’t know?” 

“Do you not feel that we’re serious enough?” 

Dean couldn’t handle that look of disappointment any longer. He sank down on his knees in front of Cas, staring up at his boyfriend still sitting on the bed. 

“Of course we are. I know we’re serious.” He clutched at Cas’s hands, willing his boyfriend to know he was serious. 

“But you don’t know if you want to marry me?” 

“What are you even saying baby? Of course I want to marry you.” 

“But you haven’t been thinking about asking?”

Dean frowned deeply, wishing the answer didn’t sound so harsh. “Not really.”

“Oh.” 

“I mean—damnit. I do think about it. Of course I think about getting to marry you. I didn’t mean—I just—I didn’t think it would be a good time….” He dropped his head onto Cas’s lap and tried to gather his thoughts. He absolutely wanted to marry Cas. It’d always been in his plan. He wanted to call Cas his husband, he wanted to officially adopt Claire, he wanted Cas and Claire to share his last name. He wanted everything and more with this man but he just hadn’t been planning on asking him any time soon. It’s not that he didn’t want to he just… 

He was a mess. 

Even now he was screwing everything up. Making the love of his life think that Dean didn’t want him. 

“God. Cas, why would you even want to marry me?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Look, I know you love me. I know you do it’s just… why would you want me?” 

“What more could I possibly want?” 

Dean shook his head and mumbled low, “Someone successful.” He knew Cas couldn’t hear him but from Dean’s tone it was obvious to the other man that he’d said something stupid. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Dean, there’s clearly something upsetting you.” 

“It’s nothing.” Dean pulled away and stood up to sit back on the edge of the bed. Cas was silent for a few moments longer than was comfortable. 

“Are you unhappy with me?” 

“Cas, don’t be stupid.” 

“I just… I’m trying to understand why you’re unsure about this… about us.” Cas’s eyes were watery as he spoke making Dean feel even further like an ass. 

He cradled his man’s face between his hands and kissed him lightly. “I’m not unsure. I’m not unsure at all. You’re the only thing I’m one hundred percent sure about.” He pressed one more kiss to Cas’s lips before he pulled his hands into his lap and felt his shoulders slump as he breathed out his next words. “But Cas, come on. You’d—you’d just be settling and you know it.” 

There was a sharp intake of breath beside him that was followed by silence. Complete and utter silence. 

Dean’s heart ached, not knowing what would come after the silence. Would Cas agree with what Dean had just said? Shaking a little, he upturned his eyes to look into Cas’s and saw a look of complete heartbreak in return. 

“How dare you.” 

“What?” 

Tears were pooling in Cas’s eyes now and escaping in heavy streams. 

“How dare you say something that hurtful? How dare you question how much love I feel for you. How dare you tell me that the future I’ve been dreaming about and _praying_ for every night with you is just ‘settling.’ How dare you?” 

“Cas…” 

“No!” Cas hiccupped a sob and tried to stifle it down with his hand. “I don’t… I don’t know when you decided that I care more about what you can offer me monetarily than what you can offer me in happiness, love, and devotion. But I’m sorry that I’ve let you down.” 

Dean let his head fall into his hands, wringing his fingers through his overly greasy hair. “Stop! It’s not you! You did nothing wrong but Cas… I can’t—fuck, come on. I only have a high school diploma.” 

“So?” 

“I can barely pay my portion of our bills…” 

“We have no trouble paying the bills.” 

“But you pay more than I do!” 

“So? Who cares who pays more? Collectively we’re doing well.” 

“You’re doing well, you’re the reason we’re doing okay.” 

“What are you trying to say?” 

There were tears in his own eyes now. Dean knew he was digging himself into a hole but now that he’d opened up on his fears he couldn’t stop them from all pouring out. “I’m supposed to take care of you but I can’t even manage that.” 

“Take care of me? Dean, we take care of each other.” 

“I’m just deadweight at this point Cas. I’m just a fucking school duty aid and you’re some up and coming graphic designer with this awesome job and benefits.” 

“I can’t believe the things coming out of your mouth right now.” There was a definitive sniffle by his side and Dean knew Cas was putting a solid wall around his emotions, effectively breaking Dean’s own. He felt a small weight be placed on his knee as the bed groaned as Cas stood up. “Here’s your ring back. I’m going to put Claire bed.” 

When the door latched shut that’s when Dean crumpled in on himself and let it all out. 

The culmination of being sick and tired and feeling like he just let his other half down in the worst way possible had him choking back sobs. He didn’t want his baby girl or brother to hear him like this so he tried to muffle them into his pillow. 

What the fuck was his problem? 

Why couldn’t he just be happy with everything that he had? 

He was happy though. He was. He loved his kid, he loved his brother, and he was so madly in love with Cas it sometimes made him ache. But that didn’t stop the doubts and other negative thoughts from taking over sometimes. 

He cried for a little while longer until the tears turned into a splitting headache. 

He felt guilty for not getting up to say goodnight to Claire but he knew in this state he’d probably just make her upset. 

So he laid in bed and waited. 

Eventually, what could have been hours later, Cas came in and pattered about in the bathroom before crawling into bed. 

He didn’t say anything. 

He didn’t move to hold Dean either, like he always did, even when they’d argued before. 

Something deep in Dean’s core felt like it shattered. 

So Dean laid there for a while longer, waiting until Cas’s breath leveled out but that never came. Dean however couldn’t just lay in their bed with a gaping chasm between them. He pulled himself up and grabbed his pillow before marching off to the living room. He flopped onto the couch and turned to face the back of the couch, moping for all intents and purposes. 

He heard Cas’s footsteps approach him mere moments later. 

“Come back to bed.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Dean, please.” 

“What does it matter? You won’t even touch me anyway.” 

He could hear a large sigh behind him but still refused to roll over and look at Cas. “I don’t want to do this right now.” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay? That’s all you’re going to say?” 

With a huff he rolled over, looking at his boyfriend who’d plopped down onto the floor. 

“What do you want me to say Cas?” 

“I want you to apologize for insinuating that you are not enough for me.” 

Tears welled back up in Dean’s eyes. He could see it in Cas’s eyes how much he’d hurt him. “Am I though? Am I enough?” 

“Dean…” 

Dean took a shuddering breath and swiped at his tears. “I was thinking about asking you a few months ago.” 

“What?” 

“I thought that maybe I would bring it up sometime this year and see if you were even interested but... I don’t know.” 

“What happened?” 

Dean stared up at their ceiling fan, unable to look at Cas at that moment. His man deserved an answer to why Dean was being such a hot mess tonight. 

“You know when I went to happy hour with Charlie a few months back? When you couldn’t go because Claire had that play date and you wanted me to go anyway?” 

“Yes?” 

“We were just hanging out and your coworker Ephraim was there and he invited himself over to the table so me and Charlie had to be nice, you know? And we all got to talking about our partners and stuff and Charlie was going on and on about Dorothy and how much she liked her and stuff. Then Ephraim started talking about his girlfriend Hester and how they’re perfect for each other and then—and then he made some comment about us. He said that he was surprised the two of us even got along and when I asked what he meant he said that I didn’t seem like the type of guy you’d go for.” 

There was a definite look of fury behind the anguish in Cas’s eyes. He must’ve been able to sense where this story was going. Dean knew Cas didn’t particularly like Ephraim but it didn’t make the things the man had said any less valid. “He hardly knows me.” 

“And I said that to him but he said that people who are educated don’t usually go for people that aren’t and… and he’s right, you know? Who’s ever heard of a doctor marrying a construction worker? It just doesn’t work out because you don’t have the same goals in life, you know?” 

“Dean, that’s not true…” 

“But it is.” Dean whined. “He went on and on to show me that statistically people with degrees are more likely to be with other people who have degrees.” 

Dean blinked through a few more traitorous tears thinking back to that night. He’d done pretty well masking the hurt that had been coursing through him. He tried to play it cool as this man he didn’t know pulled up articles about this information, chipping away at Dean’s security that he was worth Cas’s love long term. Charlie had tried to intervene and change topics but Ephraim was a hard man to pull off of his fixation with the topic. 

“That may be true in some cases but that’s just statistics, it’s not law. Plenty of people are together in mixed education relationships.”

“But they probably don’t last as long.” This time Dean couldn’t quell the flow of his tears and let out a pitiful cry. He felt like a baby but he’d been holding it back for too long. He was so damn scared that one of these days Cas was going to come to his senses. 

How could someone so smart willingly stay with someone like him? He knew Cas loved him, he honestly did. But for how long? Was this going to be long term if Dean couldn’t provide more for his family? 

“Honey…” 

He clutched tightly to Cas as the love of his life pulled him into a tight hug. “I don’t want you to think I’m stupid. I don’t want Claire to grow up and think that I’m stupid either.” 

“We’d never think that. Never.” 

“But what about when she’s older and fighting us about wanting to go to college or not? How can I convince her that she needs to go if I didn’t go myself? Or what if you start to resent me because you’re the successful one out of us and I can’t support you that way? What if you want to get another degree but you can’t because we can’t handle that on top of everything else just from what we make… what if I hold you all back?” 

“Look at me.” Cas commanded, pulling back and locking Dean’s face between his hands. “I know you don’t see it but you, Dean Winchester, are the pillar of this family. You are the one who keeps us all sane. You are the one who makes sure we are all taken care of and happy and I think it’s about time we all start focusing on making you happy.” 

“I am—“ 

“You’re not.” There were tears falling down Cas’s cheeks now. “You’re happy with us, I know you are. I know how much you love us but I know you’re not happy with your job.” 

“Yes I—“ 

“You want so badly to be in the classroom. You love those kids but I can see how much you are dying to be more than just someone who ties their shoes or walks them to the office. You want to be in charge, you want to help them learn, you want to be a real influence in their lives.” 

“I am helping…” 

“Of course you are, but honey, have you thought about becoming a teacher? You’ve brushed it off all the other times I’ve asked but really answer me. Do you want to teach?” 

Dean could only nod his head. Too strained from emotion. 

“Then lets make that happen.” 

“I can’t.” 

“Why not?” 

“We can’t afford it. Not with Sam going to school too. No. It’s just not in the cards for me.” 

“You heard Sam tonight, though, Dean.” Cas’s thumbs moved soothingly over Dean’s cheeks. “He got a full ride; he’s going to be living at home. We don’t have to do anything for him. It wouldn’t be any different than if we had to pay for him to go or take out student loans. He’s covered, why not use what we would have spent on him on you instead?” 

“What if—“ 

“What if you stop being a stubborn ass and say yes?” Cas’s face lit up with an affectionate smile. “I want you to be happy. Dean, no matter what job you have or how much you make I am always going to be completely in love with you. I will spend the rest of my life living in a cardboard box with you, Sam, and Claire if that’s what life throws at us. But we are in a good place right now, a great place even, and you can work towards something that makes you feel more confident in yourself. That’s what I want for you.” 

“I don’t know Cas…” 

“Let’s do this. You can do this. You _should_ do this.” 

“I love you.” Dean declared, pulling Cas into a sloppy kiss. 

“I love you more than you will ever know.” Cas breathed against his lips, and Dean knew without a doubt how true that was. 

“Fuck. I don’t know how I got so lucky with you.” 

“I’m the lucky one.” 

They stayed with their foreheads touching for a few moments, just breathing in each other’s comfort. After a while Dean pulled away and dragged himself off the couch, pulling Cas along by the hand until they were back in bed, wrapped up around each other. 

“I’m sorry I was a dumbass.” Dean whispered into the darkness. Pressing a few kisses to Cas’s lips, just because he could. “I’m sorry I made you sad too. I do wanna marry you. You know that right? I swear I do. I just—I wanna do it right. I wanna make a big deal out of it and make it special for you. You deserve something special and it might have to wait a while because I wanna be good for you and I wanna be proud of me too. If you want me to ask you… that is.” 

Dean’s heart thrummed in his chest. “Do you… do want me to ask you? Someday?” 

Cas gently rolled Dean onto his back until he was slotted between his legs, his fingers locked in the hair at the base of Dean’s neck as he pressed a deep, lingering kiss to his lips. He pulled away and Dean opened his eyes to see how intently, lovingly, passionately Cas was staring down at him. 

“Dean, I would have said yes three years ago and I’ll say yes if you ask me three years from now. I know I was upset earlier but there’s no rush. I’m so happy with you right now, if we wait ten years to get married I’d still be happy. Okay? But just know if you do ask, my answer is going to be yes, a thousand times yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I honestly really loved writing this chapter. I hope you all are in love with these supportive, loving, perfect boyfriends. <3 
> 
> I have decided that there will only be 2 more chapters to this work as my motivation for writing this one is dwindling. Don't worry though! I still love it and I will see it through to where I pictured it going. There WILL be time jumps in the next chapters. There may not be a proposal or a wedding in the chapters (for some reason I never get a burst of motivation to write a wedding scene) but there will be lots of family feels. However, the next two chapters are not written so it's probably going to take me quite a few weeks to get up another chapter, possibly a few months. 
> 
> In more exciting updates, I am writing a work that I am REALLY proud of. I've been hinting at it for a while but I think I'm getting to a point where I really want to start posting it. My goal is possibly to have the first chapter up by early to mid November. Some spoilers:   
> -Title: Craving You  
> -Rating: Explicit   
> -Main Tag: Friends with Benefits  
> -Estimated Length: 80,000 words
> 
> I am still looking for a Beta on this one, mostly for grammar and punctuation mistakes. I'm a little hesitant about this process because I've never used a Beta but I want this work to be as good as possible because I've been working for well over a year on it. 
> 
> ANYWAY, sorry for the longest note ever. I appreciate you all for reading. 
> 
> <3   
> Paige

**Author's Note:**

> [He Didn’t Have to Be](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9686360/chapters/21867404) Dean is 23 years old and raising his 3 year old brother Sam as his own. Castiel comes into their life and Dean falls hard and fast but quickly begins to question if he’s even worthy of being loved. Sammy is the most adorable toddler to ever live. 
> 
> [Don’t You Wanna Stay](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10634991) Cas has been in love with Dean since high school and when Dean and him go from best friends to falling into a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship Cas thinks he’s happy with the situation. But five years later Cas starts questioning if this is really the kind of life he wants. He loves Dean but he’s sick of getting hurt.
> 
> [Sleep Without You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10775289/chapters/23899212) Dean and Cas have known each other basically all their life and are very close. Close as in, they sleep (and cuddle) in the same bed together every night but… they deny that they are together. During a weeklong trip with their friends the two start to figure out that there might be something more between them.
> 
> [He Wouldn’t Be Gone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11261616) A year after Cas walked out on their relationship, Dean has to face his ex again at a wedding of all places. Did Dean mention Cas left him the night before he was going to propose? It was going to take a whole lot of whiskey but he was bound and determined to get through the night. Sequel: [Every Time I Hear That Song](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13178964)
> 
> [Alright](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11589315/chapters/26046594) Dean’s grown up with a good head on his shoulders. Cas has grown up being overlooked, never knowing what friendship is. Dean makes it his mission to be the friend he knows Cas deserves.


End file.
